For the first time since discovery I am pi**ed. Why am I trying to say this (if you can call it) marriage? He is living with OW and her daughter. He said he was moving out to think, how the hell is he thinking with her there. I have let him hurt me so many times, and I kept coming back. Do I really want to stay married to a lier and a cheat? I don't even think he thinks what he is doing is wrong. I'm over this ****!! How can he marry me, have a child with me and then drop me when I need him most for some bit** in heat? I have no respect for him anymore. I don't even see him as a man, but as a coward. Maybe I should go see a lawyer, and just end this whole thing. For all I know, he would love that.<P>------------------<BR>That which does not kill us, will make us stronger.<BR>* Viki<P>

Viki - <P>Be careful what you wish for...it may come true. My situation is the same as yours, except my W has filed for divorce. I know how you feel...this is th person who swore to be faithful to you for LIFE and then this. Sometimes, I too want out. Except in my case, my W is now in the driver's seat. I really don't want to divorce and she knows that. The really depressing thing for me is tha OM is married and he told my W that he WILL NOT divorce his W. I therefore conclude that my W would rather be his WHORE thsn my WIFE. That really hurts.<P>You have to determine how much love is left for your H before you can make any decisions about divorce. Remember, once you go down that path, it can be a very slippery slope. I am fighting my W's divorce as best i can. Living in a no fault state make that task nearly impaoosible, however.<P>Perhaps my viewpoint would be different if W were to come back to me. Someone suggested to me that I only want my W back to stop the pain. I never thought about that before, perhaps it's true. I OFTEN wonder if I could ever feel good enough with my W (if she came back and devoted herself to me). I don't know. I'm not in a position to answer that...I live one day at a time.

hello pondvj, Do you have more than one screen name? Maybe it is my imagination!<BR>It is so hard to keep going sometimes...like the uphill neverending battle. Only you can decide when you want to stop. Maybe you do need to look at why you are trying so hard? Because you love him and you have some feelings that the marriage will work. But also because you know that you are doing everything in your power to help this marriage, though it is such a heavy burden. Through all this we do find personal growth...I would have chosen a different path for my own growth, but I suppose this is the way that was meant for me. I have learned to accept that. I don't like it, but I can accept it. The infidelity issues in my marriage have made me look at many things in my life, previously seen thru rose colored glasses? Pond, work on yourself and maybe this will help keep the 'trying' in persepctive. <BR>It is hard, but you do have support from a lot of people that understand. (((hugs))) <BR>

Hi Viki,<P>I feel you pain, my friend. There have been many, many days I wonder that myself.<BR>The best thing for you to do, is to step back, look at yourself, at YOUR life, and really see is this if what you WANT.<BR>I know that you hold marriage in very high regard. That is admirable. However, there is a point where you need to ask yourself if what you are fighting for is really worth it.<BR>Your son needs you right now. Probably more than he ever will. You need to look after him and you. I know this is hard to do.<BR>I am becoming indifferent to my h. He has hurt me so much, that the thought of divorce is almost refreshing. I thought for so long, that if he would just come home all would be ok. After many days of soul searchih, tho, I am beginning to wonder if the only reason that I was suppose to be married to him was to get my beautiful child out of the deal. <BR>My h is very troubled. I believe yours is too. He doesn't know what he is doing right now. He has lost control of all ration thinking. He is in a selfish, irrsponsible mod, and he doesn't care.<BR>I dont know which plan you are on. If your not on plan b, maybe you should try it. It is hard at first, but it will get easier.<BR>Give yourself some time. You need to digest all that is happening to you and determine what you want.<BR>Your in my thoughts and prayers, Viki. Keep us posted.<P>Cheryl

Why should you even try? Good question. Read this <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getbio&UserName=pondvj" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getbio&UserName=pondvj</A> <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Thank you all. I am still pretty mad about all this. But you are all right. I do need to step back and take a look at things. He did not make things much better last night. He called to talk to our son, but he did not want to talk to me. But for the first time, that did not hurt, it made me sad. I have my drs. appt. today. I am looking forward to seeing her and talking with my dr. <BR>Chris - That was quite a reality hit. Thank you, I needed that.<P>------------------<BR>That which does not kill us, will make us stronger.<BR>* Viki<P>