Any Professionals? My wife first came to me after a series of events to let me know she had Bulimia, for over 20 years. This led to us getting her to therepy. In her therepy it was suggested to reveal to me she had had a previous affair, of 2 years and was currently in another one. The present one she was trapped in ad the only way out was to tell me so the now stalker would leave her alone. She broke down and begged me to stay and since we have been in councelling. The councelling and her therepy has revealled huge childhood issues of no love, limited sexual abuse, aloveless controlling mother and non existant stepdad emotionally. As well there was a teen pregnancy that ended in abortion, (no councelling). She is now very lost, on anti depressants and holding on for dear life to me. Even with all this it is extremely hard for me to get over the affairs that are definitely ended.

Any thoughts?

Wanttogetthrough,

I can only try to help with the issue on sexual abuse. Just realize that even though your W’s sexual abuse was limited, it still have a major effect on the survivors thereof... Any type of sexual abuse is always very damaging.

For Sexual abuse survivors who are WS

The above link contains some usefull links on sexual child abuse and the effect of it on adults.

Sexual child abuse (and other types of child abuse and issues in childhood) often results in a low self-esteem and many other negative feelings. Abuse often has an effect on the minds and emotional stability of these people as grown ups and these things can create certain weaknesses & vulnerabilities that (IMHO) can make these people more vulnerable for an A. However, there is always hope! These personal issues & problems can be overcome and the survivors of child abuse can heal and take control of themselves and their lives again, but often it first requires a deep understanding of themselves and the help and guidance of a good professional therapist. Individual counseling is a must if abuse was sexual. You will get better insight and understanding if you read the thread I’ve posted above.

You can also take a look at the following insightful posts:

Sexual abuse undermining marriage?

Was sexual abuse part of the affair?

A good book for your W to read is: The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz

Hope this can help,
Suzet

Been through what you are dealing with and can say yes you can get through but you need to do it together.

"The Sexual Healing Journey" was written not only for abuse victims but more importantly of you...it was written for their partners as well.

The Bulimia could be part of several issues with your wife including PTSD from the sexual abuse, anxiety and severe depression and so on.

I would urge you to read book first and try and see how you feel about the way the book makes you rethink about your wife and her sexuality. Many women who were sexually abused have issues that go beyond not having healthy boundaries....they often feel as if they have no control at all and no right to say no. The internalize things to the point they blame themselves for the abuse. And many more relationship problems that stem from being abused...all of which can be helped tremendously by therapy.

If yo tough it out you may find that you are rewarded with the wife you always thought your wife could be but her past deamons kept from being.

Anyone have any answers?