UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH....I am so pi$$ed off! My WH sent me a note. His birthday was Thursday...he spent Wed. night with our son to celebrate his b-day (WH's). I picked my son up from school that day so that I could spend some time with him before his dad came to get him. As soon as we got home I told my son to call his dad to find out what time he was coming to get him. I heard my son saying that he didn't want to leave yet....I told him he needed to go whenever his dad said he would be here to pick him up.....so finally my son said "Ok...pick me up at 6:15". He doesn't get here until almost 7:00.
I get a note yesterday telling me that I ruined his birthday with my son on purpose because I didn't let him come get him earlier. He also said that my son was in his school clothes and hadn't showered. That ticked me off......my son came home from school and went out riding his bike and playing with his friends. I've never given my son a shower just because my WH is coming to pick him up to stay the night.
I had also asked him if I could switch weekends and now he thinks he's going to get my son 3 weekends in a row .......I'm just so angry right now....there's more but I just can't finish.....UUUGGGGHHHHH

TR....aren't you in Plan B?

((hug)) No advice as I can't even deal with the ridiculous comments coming from my stbxh. There is always going to be something with him, you can't let him get to you.

It's just beginning, it'll always be something... but it'll get better too.
Just set rules/schedules and respect them.

starfish....well, I guess I'm in plan B/plan DV!!!

cyllinlisa...Hugs to you too.....I guess we both better hang on for the ride huh?

Belonging to Nowhere....
I thought things couldn't get worse...boy was I wrong. He's an idiot!!!
I've been setting rules and sticking to them...he's the one that keeps trying to change things. I am just so angry right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just can't stand him anymore. God....help me to get through all of this~

Tree, why can't you just throw the note away? You don't have to react to his notes. He is the one with the problem, you don't to make it your problem. See what I mean?

Why 3 weekends in a row?
Shouldn't it be 2 when switching?

Re: shower (and all other similar 'issues')... e.g. I give a shower to my son every night - before sleeping.
Your H should know when you do, and if he complains, you simply say - this is a rule in our home, and I guess you'll have yours.

No further disscussion, no disscussion at all!
In your home you have YOUR rules!
You disscuss with him ONLY things you (or him) consider not-proper for your son when with the other parent.

You might answer him though with:
"I'm sooo sorry you're in a such state of mind/mood, you seem very bitter in your life; please let us know if we can help somehow, and please be kind and don't use us as a vent..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Of course he'll want to change rules and try to be his way.

But, his problem, what does it have to do with you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Melody Lane...I could have thrown the note away...but he writes that it is regarding our son....Yep, I know....hook line and sinker!
I'm just starting to wonder if he's using these notes and all the emials to give to his lawyer to prove something? I guess I just worry that if I don't read it and respond when it's about my son that he will use this against me. Can he??

Belonging to Nowhere...I don't understand the 3 weekends in a row thing. Also, my b-day is Friday and I won't have my son. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I guess I'm just going to have to bite my tongue on that one since it's not my weekend. My son was very sad when I told him he wouldn't be with me on my b-day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

TR....I urge you to do a real Plan B that offers you some respite from his ickiness. Block his email...dont' read his notes at all!! Let him use an intermediary for this stuff so that you aren't triggered and upset each time he tries to rile you up.

TR .... pull your foot out of the quicksand....

Protection mode at all times.

Be smarter and more protected, not more emotionally vulnerable.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich*:
<strong> Melody Lane...I could have thrown the note away...but he writes that it is regarding our son....Yep, I know....hook line and sinker!
I'm just starting to wonder if he's using these notes and all the emials to give to his lawyer to prove something? I guess I just worry that if I don't read it and respond when it's about my son that he will use this against me. Can he??

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tree, follow starfish's advice and go into Plan B. Designate an intermediary. You don't have to react to his every little note.

You said it's 3, and I wondered why...

I understand - my son was supposed to be with me for New Year's Eve but his dad took him as revenge for I didn't want to spend that night with him...
And that night is... I have almost 'religious belief' if I kiss someone I love most, at 12, everything will be fine in whole year... and I had no my son that night...
I closed my eyes at 12, hugged him with my thoughts, and kissed with my heart...
And everything is going to be fine... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

B-days? Soon you'll reach my age and will do anything to forget them in all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I mean, I do understand... but, hey, we have to be aware that we 'owe' just a half of our kids, and use that time to compensate the time when our beloved ones are not with us...

It'll be better once you sett all of this in the court, be patient.

IMO, You should answer message re: your son, but it doesn't mean you'd read and answer parts re: insults and disrespectful tone... those ones just skip...

((((((((((((Trish))))))))) He's such an @sshead! I'm going to come be your intermediary, and I think I'll be driving my point home with a machete, if that's okay with you, of course.

Arrrrrrrrgh I don't even know him and he ticks me off! What a complete waste of skin, I mean really......Tree, I would save every shred of this crap he sends you and give it to YOUR lawyer....so his insane @ss gets as little visitation as humanly possible.

Okay, I'm so mad I can't even type anything else, I just really want to do bodily harm to him.....on your behalf, of course LOL

-Caren

TR,

Hope you are having a nice visit with your family. Better get to a stronger place soon or Caren will show up with that machet. LOL!!! WE already know she can't be trusted with projectile instruments. LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Her vehicle is already experienced at giving WS the message. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Will check in on you later.

Hugz,
L.

Tree,

You ALWAYS have the option to choose your response. Everyone here could tell you of a time when we chose to respond to our WS or STBX in a way that later we regretted (except maybe Orchid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ). And realized that we could have chosen a different response.

You are fortunate in that you are getting notes and e-mails. That means you can read them on YOUR time and on YOUR terms.

Make up a mantra. Say it BEFORE you open the note. Something like...

I know that what I am about to read will have total craziness in it. It comes from a man who chose selfish needs over a loving family. It may even be cruel in an attempt to hurt me. But I am TreeReich* and this is not who I am. I will not let this define me. I was joyful before I read it and I will be joyful after. In fact, I am so strong in myself that his foolishness will actually be amusing.

Come up with your own. And SAY IT and PRAY IT before you read his note. You can choose your response, it will just take practice. This guy KNOWS all your secret buttons to piss you off. And you KNOW he knows this. Cancel his weapon with the realization that it is a desperate, cruel act that cannot really harm you in any way.

NCWalker

Caren...Come on down... LOL! I just can't take this anymore!!!
I'm having a breakdown tonight and I really don't know why. I just feel so alone I guess!
I'm so glad I can come here to get support.

ncwalker...you are right...I do have the choice to respond or not. I actually did respond to this note. I made it short and to the point. I cleared the issue up about my son and that's it! I just want to get on with my life! I'm so tired of all of this!

Thanks Orchid and Belonging to nowhere.

TR,
My WS does the same crap. I think they do it partly to justify what they are doing. We react just how they want us to and then say "see thats why we cant work it out, look how you are"
Dont buy into it. Im terrible at reverse babble but I have perfected the nod and walk away move.
Respond calmly and refuse to be baited into the maddness.

My WS also does the crap with our s. His new move is to p/u son from school and play, go to baseball practice, or karate. Brings son home around 6, without his homework done or dinner fed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So here is cookies, scrambling to make dinner, do homework, play, read, do bedtime routine.
If I complained WS would try and find fault with what I do. Homework wasnt neat enough, not feeding s great dinners, s didnt do exercises. blah blah blah. When he had said he would handle dinner, homework and exercises that particular night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Smile and nod TR......smile and nod.

Thanks cookies! Fortunately, I never talk to my STBX face to face. He won't come near me. When he picks up my son he parks in front of my neighbors house. When I see him at the ball park he never looks my way. He's a coward!!! If I ever talk to him face to face I will just smile and nod!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tree,

What I meant to say was you can choose your emotional response. Not whether or not to respond to the foggy one.

It takes practice, but you can choose to not let his notes or e-mails bother you.

Think of it this way: If I were to say my WW could change my emotional state through some action of hers, am I not admitting she has power over me?

I'm not ready to admit that about anyone. At the end of the day, I choose my response to whatever she does. Sometimes my choice is poor and I respond to and dwell on hurt, or anger, or sorrow.

But I LET myself. She does not FORCE me to feel that way. She does things that may INSTIGATE those feelings, but I own them. And that means I can shut 'em off. Ignore them. Whatever.

It is not easy, but like any skill, comes easier with practice.

I took Latin in H.S. and picked up the phrase "Illegitimus de referendum" which means "Don't let the [censored] get you down." My Latin may be off (hated it and didn't study) but I have clung to the sense of the phrase.

NCWalker

{{TR}}

Goodness it is all so amazingly frustrating isn't it? It is so frustrating because some people you just can't help.

Your B-Day is Friday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care TR. Saying a prayer for you and DS.