I'm not anywhere near this point in my R, but had a sad/funny thought last night.

What are the thoughts behind requiring a STD test for the WS before relations begin again?

Oh heck yes, it is a common request that is necessary to protect yourself.

Extropy, I just read your other thread and you said that she is leaving in 2 weeks and that she went out last night "with the girls" and was going to spend the night. It sounds like she is having an affair. Do you know who it is? Can you snoop around and find out? You really can't do much except sit there like a fish in a barrel unless you have the facts.

Do you have any of the MB reading material? If not, I would suggest you run to the bookstore and get Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. You can also buy it on this website. It would be an enormous help to you.

Yes, we are still progressing down the path of her moving out with the 2 Ks. I was just trying to find something else to think about when that popped into my head.

I bought Harley's book on Amazon about 10 days ago, but have yet to receive it. I bought the Glass book at the same time and am about half way through it. TBH I spend a ton of time here reading.

Testing seems like a reasonable request, just one that'd be awkward to make (and probably more awkward to receive).

Definitely ask for it, nothing wrong there. Given all the circumstances, you just can't know with whom the O has been and what s/he's been exposed to, despite his/her assurances to your S. (sorry, don't know if you're a W or H yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

I'm a recovering WS and my W asked for this testing, which I readily obliged. Although I didn't know my doctor would use the much larger and more painful female testing kits on me... OW. Fortunately, everything was clear.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Lost71 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Extropy:
<strong>

Testing seems like a reasonable request, just one that'd be awkward to make (and probably more awkward to receive). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If there's one thing about my actions throughout this entire ordeal that I would change...

it would be my WUSS APTITUDE!

You help NO ONE when you don't demand common courtesy, safety and respect. Infact I think we ENABLE the FOG when we bend over backwards not to annoy our WS's.

What about your right not to DIE because your WS cheated on you with the wrong person?

If your WS is reluctant to test for STD's it only goes to conclude you have a long road ahead of you.

It's the least they could do, yah think?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Use tact and speak sincerely.

You are not the bearer of bad tidings, you are the protector and Extrpoy's best friend.

Take Care,
FM

Hello,

You would be out of your mind not to require it before resuming the relationship. Why possibly put your health at great risk without it? You owe it to yourself and your children. If your wife does not like then that is too bad for these are the direct consequences of her actions. The bottom line is that she was having sexual relations with another man and putting your health at great risk for who knows what. You would be a fool to gamble with your health and your future and the future of your children. This is a no brainer.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes..

but do not forget..that a negative test is meaningless until 3 mo has passed that you can PROVE have been free of exposure..then another test at 6 mo.

So basically, no sex for you until you can verify that there has been no sex for her 6 mo at least..and two negative full battery tests.

Now..hpv..if she is messing around..just assume she has it, and make yor decision based on that assumption.

Good times. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Noodle

My WH went to the dr with in a few days after D-day. I later found out that his Dr. felt no tests were needed since he was having no symptoms. WTF???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by suzychapstick:
<strong> My WH went to the dr with in a few days after D-day. I later found out that his Dr. felt no tests were needed since he was having no symptoms. WTF??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOu Wayward Husband's doctor is a Grade A MORON for saying something like this.

LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How about an update Extropy?

O

I had my annual last week and requested to be tested for STD's there are so many out there these days. You can host a lot of different organisms WITHOUT any signs or symptoms.My OB/Gyn delivered both my babies and was very supportive.


PS thank God everything came back negative

Extropy,
I found out about the sexnearly two years after it occurred. I still required theat my FWW go down and be tested.

It really annoyed me when she said there was no way he was dirty. I looked at her stunned

Mac

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by suzychapstick:
My WH went to the dr with in a few days after D-day. I later found out that his Dr. felt no tests were needed since he was having no symptoms. WTF???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lemmonman said
YOu Wayward Husband's doctor is a Grade A MORON for saying something like this.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are so right!!! I immediately went to my Dr. and got tested for EVERYTHING!!! All negative, thank God!!

Suzy

Yes

Extropy,

Insist on it.

I did and my wife came back positive. Luckily it was one of the lesser, easily treatable STD's, but the fact of the matter is - she got one.

Cruz,

I'd love to say we are at this point, but we aren't close yet.

She is still very confused, and unsure what to think of my Plan A. Things spiraled downward until about 2 or 3 days ago, and seem to have leveled off. Conversation is short and awkward, and my attempts at communicating come across as prying and examining her every move. (So I've stopped asking about her nights when she goes out)

She still doesn't want to go on a date, and still looks for every reason to leave the house at night so we don't have to be alone together. I've not brought up the R at all in about 2 weeks, and I assume she is still in contact with the OM as she hasn't told me otherwise.

I've also realized over the past few days how much more difficult this is going to be for her if she wants to recommit than for me to do my Plan A. She has a LOT of tough decisions to make, and leaving/divorcing is the easiest of the bunch. The harder one will be committing on working on things and taking a look at the going out lifestyle she's become accustomed to. Her closest friends are (single or single acting) bar hoppers and aren't "friends of the marriage".

I get a bit despondent when thinking about this stuff. I can fix me, but she has to want to fix the things about herself. Right now she doesn't want to - and I don't know that she's thought about what committing to work on this will take.

Regardless, I'm enjoying my time with the kids and remaining upbeat. It's gotten a bit easier as I've come to grips with things. I'm able to sleep again, even knowing she's likely out talking to other men. All I can do is worry about me...