thank you all for your advice. i want to protect mt husband and family from this woman and her child. i know this is so mean and unchristian, but why couldn't she (ow) just did the abortion. ? all of our lives could have been great if she just held to her word. she promised my husband if he gave her 300 for the abortion she would do it, and he gave her our money for this. my husband said he is sorry and has shown what a wonderful husband and father is. he has always been that. i am mad at my husband for helping create this mess, but i know that he never asked for this child and he tried to fix situation by paying for the abortion. i just dont know what to do. my husband comes from a very traditional greek family and he will not stand for another woman controlling him like this. do other woman know what i am talkign about.? my husband has never hit me or children, but he does have a temper when we make him mad. i am so afraid of what the ow and child may make him do. i know he would never hit them or anythign like that, but i still fear for him getting so upset and having like a heart attack or something. i may call dr harley and ask him to help us. dr harley supports marriages and i know that he will support my husband and me in our fight againt ow. i am so thankful to our lord jesus that there is and never will be contact with this child. this is how i know my husband is a changed man. he doesn't ever want contact and will never ackowledge the ******* child. this is how i know he loves us and remains comitted to the family. i pray everyday for this to go away. the ow still will not let up trying to extort our hard earned money for her son. she will go to welfare and food stamps before she ever sees money from us.

god bless all
maria

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

You may want to post on the Pregnancy/Child forum. There are many there who are or have been in your situation.

Unfortunately, if the child is your husbands, it is his responsibility to pay child support. He doesn't have to have a relaltionship with the OW or the OC.

Just like there are still consequences for a crime even after you say you are sorry and ask forgiveness...you still have to pay the price of your actions. He chose to have the A...he needs to accept his part in this and not continually blame everyone else. A real man of honor would do no less.

It may be possible to request a paternity test prior to being ordered to pay child support. If the OW is all right with a one time pay off and you both agree to that then that may be an option before the child support enforcement gets involved. If you do that make sure that you have a legal agreement signed and on file in case she tries to pursue CS anyway.

papermother, please dont stop your postings to me. dont be mad at me. i know after reading my responses that i seem like a weak woman. i am not. i am just fighting for my family. i cannot make my husband do anything. he is from a strong greek family and his father and brothers and grandfather are all strong tempred proud men. i don't know what the right this is. i thoughtt we were supposed to honor our vows and bless our husbands with support and love. how can we make our husbands do what we say is right. can i do the plan a program to help him through this. i am just asking for help. what should i say to him about this. how can i rightfully ask him to accept this child when this child hurts me so much. please do not give up on me. i just need help in trying to help him through this.

maria

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she will go to welfare and food stamps before she ever sees money from us.
[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And your husband will go to jail if your H doesn't pay. Dead beat dads go to jail in America and well they should. That is where they belong.

Maria, I hope you realize that the only good to come out of all this is that she didn't have an abortion. Bad enough your H and the OW committed adultery without putting blood on their hands. This childs life far outweighs the inconvenience that you and H will have to endure as a consequence of his sinful behavior.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mcorpus29:
[QB] i thoughtt we were supposed to honor our vows and bless our husbands with support and love. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maria, you are supposed to support your H in doing GOOD THINGS, not bad things. It is not LOVE to help your husband be BAD!! You are not honoring anything if you support your H in doing evil.

He has fathered this child and has a Christian duty to support it. The Bible says that "only an infidel will not support his own."

That boy is your H's child.

You should tell your H that you will not support him in wrongdoing, but that you will support him in doing the RIGHT THING. THAT is what a Godly, Christian wife does.

And he may not agree with you, but you must at least attempt to help him off this horrible path.

thank you all for advice people. i think you all are good people. it is hard in my family situation. if any of my husbands family finds out they will be very mad also at the ow and her child and i know they will male her life hard as hell to. i fear that they will make it harder for my husband to pay support so he will not be harassed by cs agencies. i know that his mother would just die of she knew this. this is what makes it so hard. do you guys understand me.? we are from such a proud family. i know there will be so many tears and angers said from this. i ask for advice once again. if you were me, what would you do to make the situation better knowing that my dh is a strong and proud man and wont do what i ask. help me

maria

Maria, I would go to him and tell him that you love him but you will not help him evade his responsibilities as a man. You will not support him in being bad because you love him too much to do that. You will support him in being good. And that you would much more respect him if he faced the consequences of his behavior and took care of this child.

That will not likely change anything if he is as proud ["pride goeth before the fall"] as you say. But at least he will understand that you do not agree with this evil path he has chosen.

You can't force him to meet his obligations to support his son, but a judge can.......and WILL. So you don't have to worry about persuading him to do anything. Going to jail will achieve that.

“””all of our lives could have been great if she just held to her word.”””

Two wrongs never make a right. I personally know of no religion that endorses or promotes abortion. Plus you know what maybe, just maybe this is the thing your husband will think about before having another affair. No your lives would not have been great because had this whole thing not came to light your husband would still be deceiving you.

“””my husband said he is sorry and has shown what a wonderful husband and father is. he has always been that.”””

Your still not seeing it. I hate to say this but let me ask you a question. Was he being a wonderful husband and father when he was busy impregnating another woman? Being sorry isn’t enough. You should demand that he prove to you through action that he is a wonderful husband and father, one who takes responsibility for his actions and doesn’t walk away from the messes HE created.

“””i know that he never asked for this child and he tried to fix situation by paying for the abortion.”””

Unprotected sex always has and always will have the potential of creating a child, therefore HE did make the choice for that to happen. Again, if you are religious, then flushing this child down a drain is not the solution. The solution is living a Godly life.

“””my husband comes from a very traditional greek family and he will not stand for another woman controlling him like this.”””

Just how is she controlling him? She’s not. She’s asking for money to raise HIS child. Like others have suggested be pro-active. Unless he openly admits it’s his child the courts are going to demand a paternity test. Provided it’s his, he will be ordered to pay child support. If he works any type of normal job, more than likely, the child support will be deducted from his paycheck. So then the only question becomes will he in any way be a father to his child?

“””but he does have a temper when we make him mad.”””

You can’t make your husband anything. Just like he chose to have sex with another woman, he chooses to get mad. HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIMSELF…

“””i am so afraid of what the ow and child may make him do.”””

They can’t make him do anything. HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIMSELF…

“””dr harley supports marriages and i know that he will support my husband and me in our fight againt ow.”””

I won’t speak for Dr. Harley, but the other child isn’t the problem in your marriage. Your husbands’ continual irresponsible actions coupled with your current enabling behavior however are harmful to marriage and I’m sure Dr. Harley would be wonderful for working on the issues.

“””i am so thankful to our lord jesus that there is and never will be contact with this child.”””

So you think that Jesus is responsible for your husband walking away from his off spring?

“””he doesn't ever want contact and will never acknowledge the ******* child.”””

Sorry dear, but that just shows the opposite of your husband. Too proud to admit his mistakes, pride is not from the Lord, humility is.

“””this is how i know he loves us and remains committed to the family.”””

I’m sorry but he is only committed to self by refusing to be accountable for his actions.

“””i pray everyday for this to go away.”””

Wrong prayer. God never asks us to hide but rather stand in the light and shine.

“””the ow still will not let up trying to extort our hard earned money for her son.”””

You mean your husbands son, the one that he should support along with his other children, the one that was conceived by the very act that conceived your children.

“””she will go to welfare and food stamps before she ever sees money from us.”””

And that would be doing the right thing how?

“””i am not. i am just fighting for my family.”””

Then can you accept that is all this other woman is doing. Fighting for a good life for the son that her and your husband created.


“””if any of my husbands family finds out they will be very mad also at the ow and her child and i know they will male her life hard as hell to.”””

They should be mad at your husband, afterall he is the one who went outside his marriage vows and made this child.

“””i fear that they will make it harder for my husband to pay support so he will not be harassed by cs agencies.”””

Presuming you are in America, they really can’t make it hard. The courts order it, it comes out of your check. If he somehow escapes it, he goes to jail and loses the ability to support you and your 3 children.

“””i know there will be so many tears and angers said from this.”””

As there should be for what your husband did.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Whatever happened to the strong Greek women? Remember My Fat Greek Wedding? The man is the head of the family. The woman is the neck...the neck moves the head. So, you think the men in his Greek, male-dominated family are going to go after OW and the poor baby? Yeh, let's gang up on the evil woman and her defenseless baby. Are they going to pat your WH on the back and say "Way to go! Next time, be a little more careful with contraception!" Is that part of their male thing to go out and screw around on their wives? Perhaps you're not the first wife in the family to be cheated on. Are the boys going to close ranks around him?

Would WH's momma be happy about her son turning his back on his child not matter how it was conceived? Generally, mommas aren't too happy about abortions either. The women in your family do not have to put up with this type of behavior. It doesn't matter that you are a SAHM and hubby controls everything. You can have your own sense of right and wrong. You do not have to protect WH!

I'd think twice about my religion if it condones not taking responsibilities for your actions and hurting kids. Didn't Jesus say "Suffer not, the little children."?

Your WH needs to grow up. He is responsible for his actions. You can't make the problem go away. Isn't that what Scott Peterson tried to do?

Maria, I'm not mad at you. I just don't think I can help you, because you are not listening.
I'm sorry.
PM

losthusband, thank you for your post. you make me see some things from others views. i have noone i can talk about this and it helps that i can see how others feel about this. i am afraid that my dh will be mad if he knew i was telling to others about this all. thank god i found this site. i want to help him get over this and help our family prosper and move on. i am reading the plan a programs and they seem to be helping many people here. i am gonna order the programmes and books and see if they can us move on from this horrible trajedy. you are all such great people. i belive that our husbands are great and honorbale man, but just lost. it brings tears to my eyes to see so many of you fighting for your marriages and vows. this is such a beautiful site.

maria

My husband is half Greek, and I can imagine what he and his family are like. You can show your strength by leading by example,and pray that you can influence your husband. Your husband has a lot of pride and God could be using this situation to heal him of this. You both are at a crossroads, and the choices you make will affect your lives greatly. You all have to change your mindsets. You say you are a Christian but you are condoning abortion! Would you hope that the baby will die now? Regardless of the abortion issue, there is nothing you can do about it now. YOU have to stop blaming the other woman for the pregnancy AND for the affair. You are fooling yourself. People are talking behind your backs because you both are keeping a big secret--so you think. People always know and they always like to talk about secrets. If you two were honest about your mistakes, people would respect you. Now they don't. Your mother-in-law is wiser than you all give her credit for. YOur husband's family is close, and they would support any decision he made. Please listen to the advice posted prior to this. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE

I havent' read your whole thread..but I am curious about your screen name...

Are you by chance in Corpus Christi? Just wondering...

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: RollerCoasterPro ]</small>

no i am not from texas. please offer me advise if you can. can someone help me to do the plan a program to help husband through this. he needs support now. i am trying to give it to him. i need support to.

Are you in the United States, Greece, or somewhere else? I am not familiar with the laws in other countries and how they would treat your husband's not paying child support. In the U.S. it will not be okay to avoid paying CS once paternity is proved.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

i live in the united states. my dh works for our family's constrcution home company. we also own a sandwhich shop. my dh is now thinking of telling his father so that we can arrange our finances to not pay any child support. i never knew that my dh could be placed in jail for not paying. my dh became very uspet when he get letters from ow solicitor yesterday. we both are now very angry and upset and we had emotions today over this. my children were very scared seeing me cry and my dh yell at me for doing this in front of them. we have family money, but will never let the ow or her child get any. my dh is going to his fathers tonight for help. the ****** ow has told her family about who the father is of her child and they are telling people. my dh gave her half the money for an abortion (300 dollars) and she never kept her word. my dh expressely forbid her to ever tell a sould about this incident when she was to get the abortion. noone ever expected her to keep the ******* child. he is in shock that she would do this to him. my dh is so mad about this. my dh is a pillar in our church and many people will be so saddended by this all. you guys don't understand how much my husband means to people in our greek community. he is so sad now that this may end. what do we do.? how can we stop the ow from doing this.? i am so helpless now. i know you gave me advice to tell him that it isnt right to not pay support, but i know that it will just make him mad now. i read on this web forum that dr harley encourages us to support our spouses in troubled times and i cant turn my back on my dh and family. i know that in the end god has blessed my husband and beautiful children so we will prevail against this ow. i know it. thank you all for support. it means alot. i have noone else to turn to. my friends would die of they ever find this out. my dh would be mad if he knew i told you kind people about or stories. it means alot to post my thoughts here.

maria

maria

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Maria, if your husband goes against God and will not support his child, the Americans will put him in jail. He cannot run from his responsibilities.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

melony; i am realizing the serious impact of all of this today just from reading this boards. i never knew the seriousness of the child support systems. if we have to pay some money to the ow for this ******* child we have a right to make it as low as possible. how can anyone begrudge my husband for just protecting our families money and childrens future.? god has given us great means to live well and i cannnot accept that it is his will to have my dh pay out 25% of his earned money to the ow for the child he never wanted. i am learning so much from this board. thank you to all for helping me help my husband and save our family from this. i realize that we will have to pay but i know now that if my dh can find the strength to tell his father, he can help us to make this right for our family. if we have to pay ow, we will, but we still will be guided by god and his will. bless you all.

maria

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:08 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> if we have to pay some money to the ow for this ****** child we have a right to make it as low as possible.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have no such right. Our laws determine what the amount will be. You pay or you go to jail. And if you want to go hiding money to keep your cs payments low so you can screw over this little innocent boy, just know that they will find out and charge your H with perjury, a felony. They will find out!

More sin is not the solution to sin, Maria.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> if we have to pay ow, we will, but we still will be guided by god and his will. bless you all.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And when will you start being guided by God and His will, Maria? So far all I have seen you do is plot more and more evil in order to evade the consequences of your husband's sin. Please be guided by the words of the Bible that say that only an "infidel" does not provide for his own and has lost the faith.

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:09 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

“””my dh is now thinking of telling his father so that we can arrange our finances to not pay any child support.”””

In other words try to lie, cheat, and steal from a 2 month old baby boy. Sounds like the Godly thing to do to me. Plus, if she does have an attorney, then that won’t necessarily work and if the law finds out about it he’ll be in even more trouble. Is your husband always this dishonest?

“””we have family money, but will never let the ow or her child get any.”””

Again, you mean your husbands other child that he created.

“””my dh is going to his fathers tonight for help.”””

Is his father going to help him lie and cheat?

“””the ****** ow has told her family about who the father is of her child and they are telling people.”””

Good for them. The child is innocent in all this and it’s normal for someone to ask who the father is. Sadly, in this case he isn’t being much of a man. And if this woman is a “*****”, what does that make your husband?

“””my dh gave her half the money for an abortion (300 dollars) and she never kept her word.”””

Hmmmm……… You mean she lied and didn’t kill the baby her and your Church Going Godly Husband created?

“””my dh expressely forbid her to ever tell a sould about this incident when she was to get the abortion.”””

And she didn’t listen to your husband?

“””noone ever expected her to keep the ******* child.”””

Maybe, God did.

“””he is in shock that she would do this to him.”””

Geez, I bet he feels betrayed and after all he did for her.

“””my dh is a pillar in our church and many people will be so saddended by this all.”””

I’m sorry dear, if your husband is the pillar then and he’s acting this weak then your church is in serious trouble. If he truly wanted to be a pillar then he would do the right thing and not run like a coward and torture an innocent child.

“””you guys don't understand how much my husband means to people in our greek community.”””

No and frankly it’s of no significance. You don’t understand that your husband is continuing to be irresponsible, blaming others for what he did, and you’re enabling this behavior. If he truly is a role model then he would show the community how to do the right thing amidst the pain and suffering that HE HAS CAUSED.

“””what do we do.?”””

WWJD? What would Jesus Do? Would He turn his back on His child? Would He blame everyone else for His mistakes? Would He continue down the path of evil? Would He call the mother of His child a whore? Would He call His child a *******?

“””how can we stop the ow from doing this.?”””

You can’t. You can however start doing the right thing from here on out and stop the viscous circle of lies and deceit. You can choose to proceed from here in a Godly manner. You can turn a negative into a positive with a lesson for others to learn from.

“””i read on this web forum that dr harley encourages us to support our spouses in troubled times and i cant turn my back on my dh and family.”””

Encourage doesn’t mean enable. If your husband was an alcoholic and he wanted you to get him a bottle of whiskey, it would not be supportive of you to do so. If your husband asked you to get a gun so that he could do bad things it would not be supportive of you to do so.

“””i know that in the end god has blessed my husband and beautiful children so we will prevail against this ow.”””

Yes. God loves all His children including your husbands infant son. God has called us to live in peace, so this isn’t a war against a 2 month old baby. The war right now is within you and your husband. If you are religious, then look at the path that he is choosing. Is it Godly? If not, then it’s probably from the opposing side and Satan is winning the battle within your husband.

“””if we have to pay some money to the ow for this ******* child we have a right to make it as low as possible.”””

Again, you mean your husbands infant son and yes you have the right to take food from his child’s mouth but the responsibility not to do so.

“””how can anyone begrudge my husband for just protecting our families money and childrens future.?”””

No one is, you have to accept the fact that your husband now has another child that is equally entitled to all the opportunities that his other 3 children are entitled to.

“””god has given us great means to live well”””

That is great and there is no better place to invest earthly dollars than with a child.

“””my dh pay out 25% of his earned money to the ow for the child he never wanted.”””

Guess he should of thought about that before he made his choice.

“””if we have to pay ow, we will, but we still will be guided by god and his will.”””

If you truly believe that then ensure that you don’t interfere with His will by lying, manipulating, cheating, and stealing.


It’s obvious from my effort and the effort of other’s here that our attempts to reach you are falling on deaf ears. If you come to a place where you wish to do the right thing then I’m quite sure you’ll have the love and support of all the people around here. So I’ll save my keystrokes for that day…..

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>