"he is a man of honor and integrity, and a church going god fearing man. everyone in my family looks up to him as the leader of the family. my three children adore him, and rightfully so."

I know as humans we make mistakes, but a church going god fearing man and someone everyone looks up to would do the right thing and support a child they helped create. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Another thing. I noticed you refer to the child as "******* child". That's very disgusting. The child didn't ask to be born and certainly not by some god fearing church going man that shouldn't have stepped outside his marriage to begin with.

That being said........the laws say you play you pay. CS will be enforced. Nothing he or you can do about that.

Hope things get better for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

This post makes me incredibly sad! Sad for you and very sad for your H...not because I support you in what you are trying to do, but because you are very lost and are blaming the wrong person here!

Take it from someone who Is in this exact situation myself! Maria, this was ONE person's fault and only ONE person...it was your Husbands doings...not the OW...Your Husband had a choice..he had a choice to NOT SLEEP WITH HER! He not only slept with her ONCE but multiple times...as your post indicates "he didn't use a condom once and she got pregnant".

first of all, your Husband betrayed you and your children...the OW didn't...You also say that your H wanted her to have an abortion, but is a man of God...God does not believe in abortion...Every single child born on this earth is born for a reason...And God has put that child here for a reason!

Your H is trying to hide from his mistakes...he needs to OWN UP TO HIS MISTAKES! He made a child, a child that was made out of an affair, but that child is nonetheless here...

Please stop calling it a ******* child...that is nasty...that child didnt' have a choice...Your Husband DID have a choice...and his choice was to have unprotected sex with another woman...now he must face the consequences...

My H also fathered a child out of an affair...but he is going to pay child suport if that child is proven to be his...I wouldnt' want anything less than that...Would you want your H to not pay YOU child support if ya'll were to divorce? come on maria, wake up!

Stop supporting your H for his sins and start supporting him for doing the RIGHT thing.

is there abuse in your household? Your H sounds very controlling and even abusive in your posts!

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my dh is a pillar in our church and many people will be so saddended by this all. you guys don't understand how much my husband means to people in our greek community.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your husband is a fraud. The only reason they hold him up is because they believe a LIE. They would not hold up as anything if they knew the truth. The truth is that he:

1. committed adultery
2. lied to his family
3. attempted to arrange abortion
4. refuses to support his own flesh and blood like an infidel
5. is plotting to lie in a court of law about his assets
6. is a coward who cannot face the consequences of his own behavior
7. is remorseless

Just WHAT is he a pillar OF, Maria? Can I ask you that? Do you not have some trouble respecting such a man?

*****removed out of concern for other posters*****

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: betrayedinjersey ]</small>

Take it easy on her BIJ.

She's scared, shocked, angry, hurt, ashamed and probably in a VERY controlling relationsip.

Let's try to gently guide her...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nerly,
I apologize and bow out of this thread. After reading some of the other statements on P/C forum..it pushed me over the edge. Responding further would only make me more angry.

Again, sorry if I offend anyone. I stand on my opinion though.

BIJ, please don't go, your opinions are sound. It is very upsetting to read this. Perhaps Justuss should put a blood pressure warning on this tragic thread? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <--back @ ya Mel..but this one has me over the top.

I'll lurk until I can refrain...remember there are other's reading in similiar sitches..and I don't want to hurt them either.

Nooooo,, BIJ!!

We need you!!
Maria needs you!!

I didn't mean leave!!!

I only meant lets do this the "gentle" MB way!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think she may be a very submissive woman (not that WE know what that is,,but I hear there are some! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) in a very controlling relationship....

Mel,

I think JustUss knows......

I see lots of edits.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

can i have your opinions on a child support plan. i read on the preganncy forum where i can file for separation from my dh but still live in the home with him and then we can pay less support. how does this work exactly.? we need to have separate addresses. there are wonderful womans who gave this idea in the other forums. everyone sees it as a good idea. is this a fair compromise for my dh and i situation.? is this legal.? i am just trying to find solutions that are lawful and preserve our families moneys. please do not yell at me for asking these questions. i get this idea from the boards there. are they different people posting there.? noone yells at them like me for asking the questions. please advise. thanks.

maria

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nerlycrzy:
<strong> Mel,

I think JustUss knows......

I see lots of edits.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Poor JustUss must have tired fangers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Now, BIJ, you know you dont have to go! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I agree Nerly, I believe she is a very controlling environment! I fear he may hurt the OW too from the sounds of her posts! That poor baby!

Wow, this is crazy. Maria I am sure you are very hurt and angry but unless there was a rape here, both played and both should pay. It's not like she is getting off scott free, she is supporting the child on her own at the moment right?

And I am sorry to inform you that the state may very likely determine how much your husband should pay, not God unfortunately, since I think God would require more than just money.

I will tell you that I have a daughter by a man that I had a relationship with during my divorce 9 years ago. He was seperated from his wife at the time and I have never tried to get him involved because he is a violent man. But if he wasn't violent, I would have done everything I could to give my daughter everything she deserves, which includes a father and his support in all ways.

I know it is a hard pill to swallow, but she didn't force him into this. Last I checked a man needs to have a physical reaction in order to have sex even with the ow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And she could be the craziest woman on the planet and still he made a choice and now there is a child--his child, not just hers.

And I know it stinks, I didn't like thinking about that fact either, wanted to blame it all on ow. But the facts in my case are that my husband is the one who pursued her and she was just too quick to jump into bed with him.

And hey, if you want to indulge in a little or even a lot of ow hatred, I can say okay, but it will wear you out eventually. But please don't include this child. The child is absolutely the only innocent party involved here.

I want you to know too that you can recover, your marriage can recover. I don't know about your husband's position in the church. He jepordized that when he had the affair. Sometimes the FWS pays a price for coming clean.

Good luck to you. I hope the above wasn't too much. I really want to hug you and shake you all at the same time because I totally understand all the feelings. I do. I really do and so do most of the rest of us here too.

Tiggy

<small>[ February 26, 2005, 08:54 PM: Message edited by: Tiggy ]</small>

I'm still lurking... (((((RCP))))...I knew you were posting..but didn't realize what happen this week until I read something you posted..and I feel just crappy for you.

Sorry folks..I keep reading...and I'm not changing lanes here.

It's one thing to protect your family, it's another when you're obviously well off, and can afford the state mandated CS without much financial strain, I'm not reading the dv thing, not at all. I'm reading something else..and it's just rubbing me the wrong way.

I still think this is about money. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

sorry about all the edits justuss.

betrayedinnewjersey, i dont know why you are so hostile to me. i am just trying to find a way for a happy solution to this. i am sorry you get mad at me. i am trying to learn. sorry for making you so mad. can you please tell me why i am getting different treatment here for thinking of using the same cs payment plan as the other good woman on the pregancy forum use.? why am i getting treated differently.? i printed out all of those posts to study and show my dh and in all of the replies everyone supports the plan to lower cs by getting separation from dh and getting a support judgement. why am i not supported on this but the others are. please just explain that to me why there is a standard here against me. i am in tears now trying to understand. noone responds on the pregancy forum that much like here and that is why i am here. help me understand.

maria

Maria, What state do you live in?

i live in the northeast midatlantic states and would like to remain anonymous with this. please accept my reasons for this.

corpus,
I'm not reading concern about your marriage, and this IS a marriage building site.

As to CS...you've said time and time again that you have money...CS goes according to income...some families that have children struggle to pay the state ordered CS..and their own families suffer.

I'm not reading that from you. I don't think a few hundred dollars a month would hinder you financially.

If it took something from you and your family, you couldn't otherwise afford, that would be a reason to petition for lower CS.

NOT out of principle..not out of the fact it is a child born out of wedlock.

THOSE are NOT valid reasons to lower CS..and that's what I'm reading in your posts.

If I'm WRONG..I stand corrected and apologize..but I'm reading..this money is FAMILY money..and that OC will get NONE of it..and it will be hidden if necessary.

If you tell me this isn't about MONEY OR SHAME...then I am wrong...but that's up to you.

I've gone over your posts...to make sure I'm reading correctly..you've known about the A and the OC for quite some time...but didn't look for help until you were served with legal papers yesterday...is that correct ?

So life was GOOD...until OW looked for CS ?

Maria,

Like I said above, call an family law attorney. Things are different from state to state. You could try typing in your state + child support guidelines in google and see what comes up. I know my state has an online calculator where you can ballpark what the state will require you to pay.

What a stinky situation to be in. I still kind of hold my breath about getting paternity papers in the mail. Hope not but you just never know. I have thought about finding out for sure to put my mind at ease, you know.

And I am sorry if I came off as too rough above. I guess it just struck me wrong that he would be trying to get out of it and blaming it all on the ow.

I would start searching the web for info. Look for your state's support enforcement page.

Tiggy