I posted this in the recovery section and thought I would post it here for some more feedback. This looks like the "active" section on MBs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I think I am both the FWS and FBS. I say think because I didn't actually ever sleep with another man but have had two emotional affairs.
We have been married almost 6 years.
Begining of last year I caught him in an affair. He ended it immediately. But we really didn't do a whole lot to put things back together. We tried one marriage counselor who just kept saying how shocked she was that I wanted to stay with him. We dumped her after the third meeting and I just didn't want to try again just yet. I was pretty hurt and to have to defend him was too much, I couldn't let it out I guess.
Anyway, things went wonderfully after the first few weeks. We were both very attentive and it just seemed wonderful again.
Six months into that things began to cool and he started to work more and more. I started looking for forums like this one. And boy I wish I had found this one. But instead I found another and didn't even think twice about emailing back and forth with a betrayed husband. We were both hurting and it was so innocent at first. A word to the wise I suppose on the dangers of even emailing someone of the opposite sex. Well, I can't believe it but suddenly the emails were a lot more than they should have been.
I went to my husband and told him I was thinking about having an affair myself. He said, "Don't say that." I think he always thought it was all about him and his affair. I wanted to say something to him because he never gave me a chance before his affair. So I told him I was emailing with another man and felt bad. He didn't say a word. He has always been a bit like the head in the sand kind of guy.
Now before anyone beats me up. I know it was dumb. I know it wasn't real. But I also know I feel very guilty about it.
It ended pretty quickly. And after a few days of not being able to think straight, I went back to working on my marriage and never said anything to my husband about all of this.
That didn't last long though. A fair turn, he caught me too via email and was just as hurt. It was very strange to be on the other side of things, not sure what to say or do, feeling unbelievable remorse and fear and just feeling like the stupidest person on the planet.
Well, true to form my husband has put it behind us, never ever brings it up.
Here is one of my problems. I have talked to this guy a couple of times since it stopped in the summer. The last time was eye opening and made me realize what a dope I had been. He wasn't any of the things my mind made him. And I have absolutely no desire to ever talk to him again.
The problem is that I don't know how to tell my husband that I actually talked to him after I told him I had stopped. Does that make sense? To be clear, I lied and I feel very afraid about coming clean now when things are going pretty okay. Should I? I really don't know if it will bother him or not. I really don't want to hurt him again either.
Thoughts?
TG
