Have you ever fallen out of love and fallen back in (for a period of time, or perminently?)

I haven't.

What did you do if you fell out of love- how did you get it back? Hard work, naturally, over time, etc?

I'm really scared, without getting into a lot today, that I woke up recently and feel I lost too much in our disasterous past 3 years... and what if I never get it back? I cant stay like this, never could, if I am not able to redeem love the right way again for my H.

Any insight, stories are appreciated!

Having a great day today, no problems on the front for me and H really, but I think that is a good indication ..??

Thanks! Giovanna

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> Have you ever fallen out of love and fallen back in (for a period of time, or perminently?)

I haven't.

What did you do if you fell out of love- how did you get it back? Hard work, naturally, over time, etc?

I'm really scared, without getting into a lot today, that I woke up recently and feel I lost too much in our disasterous past 3 years... and what if I never get it back? I cant stay like this, never could, if I am not able to redeem love the right way again for my H.

Any insight, stories are appreciated!

Having a great day today, no problems on the front for me and H really, but I think that is a good indication ..??

Thanks! Giovanna </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry noone has responded to you. I read some of your story on the search feature.

Could it be that you spent so much time and energy on the front lines "fighting" for your WH and dealing with a psycho OW and dealing with child support and all of that $hit and now that the dust settles, you don't have that "drama" to unite you and your husband? I don't know, I am just offering up an opinion.

It is all probably just a "bad day", we all have them. I can't even begin to imagine what it took for you to stay with a man who had an affair and then fathered another child outside of your marriage. There is a strength inside of you that I know that I don't have. If you can make it with your husband this long through all of that $hit, you will weather this down cycle.

I would really examine your thoughts on the "in love" thing. How long have you really felt this way? What could have driven you to stay and deal with everything you dealt with if you didn't love your husband during this? Am I reading this wrong?

Best wishes for you.

LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

::::I would really examine your thoughts on the "in love" thing. How long have you really felt this way? What could have driven you to stay and deal with everything you dealt with if you didn't love your husband during this?

Also, what is love? I'm kinda screwed up about love since having to hang out on MBs due to a man that I thought the world of for 35 yrs. I think love is an addiction to someone who makes us feel good. It's a habit. And it's the belief that this particular person provides us with our best chances of happiness and security during our mortal toil.

As for the addiction, well my father gave up smoking because he thought he's poisoned himself with cigarettes one weekend and he had had enough.

Any habit is hard to break.

And maybe you no longer see your H as being good for you.

Maybe the programming that keeps us in relationships is now too weak to keep you wanting to invest in it?

Don't ignore your instincts. Give it a lot of thought. Do what is best for you.

AN

Lemon..... I know one thing is for sure-- no more drama for me... ! I do have friends that are addicted to drama-- so I know exactly where you are coming from.

I am no stronger than anyone else because there was a child born to this. The act itself (infidelity/lies/betrayal) all feels the same from what I can tell. We all think "I would not have dealt with this or that..." but the truth is we might, we just don't know yet.

Anyname--

I don't think my H can or will ever provide the "best" for me- I think the best would be someone who did not cheat and father a child w/another women. LOL.. I really think being in love is a fleeting feeling in a way-- yet ..

Does anyone know what it is "supposed" to feel like. Sometimes its like a brotherly feeling or something. I didnt used to feel that way. Almost like that habit thing-- he is my mate, the company I've kept, part of my family-- but I just dont know if I really and truly love him anymore the way I should. I think love can be destroyed even if you want to get it back. Sometimes too much is too much and you realize it way down the road when the dust settles.

Some days I feel like I stay with him now just for the kids (not for money since I am the main bread winner).... or just to have some company while I am not just right in my life yet after this crap.

ahhh who knows. Thanks for responding. I was pushed 2 boards away already, LOL this board is HOPPING!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong>

Does anyone know what it is "supposed" to feel like. Sometimes its like a brotherly feeling or something. I didnt used to feel that way. Almost like that habit thing-- he is my mate, the company I've kept, part of my family-- but I just dont know if I really and truly love him anymore the way I should. I think love can be destroyed even if you want to get it back. Sometimes too much is too much and you realize it way down the road when the dust settles.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I think your feelings are very possible. I know that for me, I know I could not ever love my wife the way a man should love his wife. She "killed" any route for me to ever love her the way I should. I know that many may disagree with this, but it is just the way it was ***for me****. I know that in my heart of hearts I could never love her again.....the way a man should love hie wife. I hope the same is not for you.

I've had those feelings before, and am having them again.

Many years ago, I talked to our then pastor's wife, who was also my SS teacher. She also had a degree in psychology.

This was during one of the periods when my H was being nasty for whatever reason, and we were fighting a lot. I spent a lot of time being befuddled over what I could possibly have done to make my H so angry at me. I now think that those periods were when he was cheating.

Anyway, she explained to me that my feelings were caused by my putting up an emotional "wall" to protect myself from further hurt. Sort of like "if I don't care, it won't hurt so much when he's angry", KWIM?

Also, I think it happens when our needs aren't being met. I know that my needs haven't been met for years. So, how come I'm not the one who cheated, huh? Maybe because I was always aware that I was MARRIED and would never have done anything to hurt my family like that.
LC

Oops! Double post!

<small>[ February 28, 2005, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: Lady Clueless ]</small>

Do you know what I mean, though, about falling out of love and then back in?

Did you ever have a man/woman that you loved so much in many ways but were turned off to them, or fell out of love with them--- and it made you so upset--- but you could not change it???

Its scary because I dont want this. Its like H is finally GROWING UP to be this man that I wanted--- he has learned so much-- changing a lot-- and he always loved me to death, but was just a wreck, himself with no clue of what a real M or family was like I dont think!!

I dont want to feel this way, but i dont know how if ever, to feel "right".... again

Gio.... I am so glad you are asking these questions on this forum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> REALLY!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you ever have a man/woman that you loved so much in many ways but were turned off to them, or fell out of love with them--- and it made you so upset--- but you could not change it??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes .... it's like a tide sometimes. In, then out.

"In love" is different than "loving".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its scary....</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes ... really loving someone is scary. Especially after you have felt the full impact of that same person betraying you .... very scary ... very difficult ... and worth it? I say yes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dont want to feel this way, but i dont know how if ever, to feel "right".... again</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Note how your feelings change. Be like a scientist and make a self-observation. Then, carry on being yourself, loving and dedicated and appreciative of all your blessings.

Have you ever experienced this ... Your 'in love' tide is out ... and you make the decision to behave 'as if' you were feeling in love anyway ... and your feelings followed your behavior ... and the 'in love' feeling returned faster than expected because you were doing the deeds of love .

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

giovanna I knwo just how your feeling and I think I am staying this way till I really know it is over with that he does love me and time will tell. I don't know how you stayed with him with himhaving OC. I think you are so strong. I just ordered the book on resentment hoping that helps me. Have you read it ?