I really tried hard....this weekend is a trigger weekend....FWH and I have been in recovery for about four months....this weekend is the show where it all began.....he saw OW at show and he did alright....did not resume C, did not LB me, provided us protection.

I did okay on the day...but cannot shake the ghosts this weekend...I guess it is the stress of Dday anniv and H is leaving overseas again..although I will be joining him.....

He doesn't not know how to fill my EN and I don't know why I ever married him or even am fighting for us. He does not realize he sets off a chain of events by talking down to me and then I withdrawal...he does not see his role in creating the rift that is in our marriage and led to his A. I can see now that I have just as many reasons to have an A, but just did not give into the temptations.

I am glad that we will be apart...I wonder sometimes if I saved something that is not worth saving. We cannot seem to get through to one another and it is just us arguing which I hate.. It is him saying "I did not mean to hurt you or I'm sorry you took it wrong." He thinks that is enough of an apology or "extraordinary care." He is not helping with these triggers at all and I just go balistic to get some of his help.

This sucks..the A sucks and having a FWS who takes no responsibility and cannot work on our M sucks.....what was I saving?

SS,

1st of all sending an {{{{MB Hug}}} your way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

2nd, I see where you are at. At this point your taker is emerging and needs to be fed. Not a bad thing but the cook (H) lost the recipe book or cooking isn't his bag. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ok, get him that recipe book. Let's see His Needs/Her Needs is a good one. See if he can read it sometime during his trip. Let him know that you don't feel secure (another safety word) right now and maybe this book can help him help you.

By giving him another directive instead of the dreaded 'love, feeling' type word, he may be able to process your need to feel secure and safe.

Try it. That is what helped me through my times.

BTW, guys are slo at picking up on this point. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Gotta be creative and patient. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

Thanks, Orchid...I really appreciate you being around....I was sooooooo worked up...took a sedative and left the house...not a good idea...but found a store that has a soft opening (read....lots of neatly folded merchandise and only me in the store.) So I calmed myself and now back to reality.

Your comments as alway are right on......my taker is hungry and cranky....H has lost the recipe book...and I think I will ask him to take HNHN on the trip....he generally claim villiage idiot--I can't read, I can't talk, I can't write....but it is worth a shot...the answers are out there.

Big....big breath....okay....breathe... reenter the room.

Thanks, Orchid..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he generally claim villiage idiot--I can't read, I can't talk, I can't write.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H does this, as well. AND, for what it is worth, I have had all of your same feelings on my own recovery road. I truly think it is all part of the natural processes we go through, as Orchid so eloquently posted to you.

Hang onto that rollercoaster, SS! We are all right here along with you.

Spidey