Last week the news reported a double murder near my home. It came out in the paper yesterday that this man BS went to his recently separated wife's apartment (1 month separation) and killed her and OM. The obituary for OM stated that he had a wife and children. I wondered if his wife knew what was going on. I hope that it wasn't the police that informed her. How sad..how very sad.

What a horrible thing to know about one's father and husband. Were the "soul mates" aware of the danger they placed on so many lives? I doubt it occured to them. It should have. They left behind a horrible legacy.

I thought to myself when they stand before God to give account for their lives, how shallow and sad this relationship would be to them. So many lives destroyed.

Was she worth it? To her husband-it cost him his freedom. To OM-it destroyed his family. To herself-she will be known by her family as the one that died in vain and shame. They all will be known by their lack of honor and selfishness. It will be the object of tantilizing headlines for a week or two, gossip in their town for a few months and destruction to the innocent lives it affected for a lifetime if not more.

How many people's lives have to be destroyed before people begin to catch on? Scott Peterson destroyed his wife and child for Amber Frey, a person with the morals of a flea. A man destroys a pregnant woman and innocent 7 year old boy to escape responsibilities. And these are just the ones that make the news.

How deceiving sin is when it embroils our lives. It blinds us to the truth and consequences of our actions. My heart aches for the innocent and for the guilty who didn't have an opportunity to learn how destructive their actions were and time was taken from them to repair the damage.

jph,

As painful as it was, I appreciate your sharing this story and your POV. The scary part is how much of this same type of turmoil exists throughout the world. Even IF it doesn't end in such a violent manner, the damage to both sides innocent and perpertrators (WS/OP and all who support the A) still exists.

I think we should take learn to take action B4 things escalate as such and MB is one of those places. The sad piece is that even here we are still vulnerable.

IMHO if the principal rules of 'loving one's neigbor as self and love God', this 2 rules (not misapplied) are key to learning how to live with each other in peace and find true happiness. Idealistic? Maybe. Doable? Definitely. Take effort? For sure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

thanks again for sharing.

L.

Hi jph,

Thanks for posting this story.It seems all too common nowadays and I have been thinking a lot about Infidelity globally.Why is it this is still a major issue for all these thousands of years? Are we still that uneducated about the pain related to this act? Why is it happening more,especially for women? It transcends class,wealth,morality,faith,gender,etc.

Does a story like this really change anyone's mind about Adultery? Are we being desensitized to one another's pain? It certainly brings to mind more questions than answers.

O

Guess I should post a story here that has haunted me for days. I work in a top Hospital ER. The other night we had a triple trauma - 2 motor vehicle accidents and an overdose - kept the doctors relly busy. When the thidr trauma came in, it came thru me (a rarity - for any one who works an ER, you'd understand).

It was with a wife who had confronted her WH about an affair that had been goin on for some time. He stabbed her in the chest and throat 13 times. She couldn't speak, but I at with her for perhaps 3 minutes while her room was set up - she died in my arms, all she could do was cry.

I have never been thru such a difficult time (in that fashion) before. I've handled deaths before, but nothing prepared me for that. I do not understand the alien mentality of the WS. I just know that the consequences can be terrible. Can only say that I relate to what is written here...

David

<small>[ February 27, 2005, 06:22 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David,

How horrible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> WS kills BS? I'm in anguish. Sooo sorry you witnessed it. This kind of thing seems t/b happening more and more.

Though I do appreciate you sharing this tragic story. It may help us see the need to remove ourselves from the A triangle.

BTW, I am going to copy your story and put it on another thread. Want to show when a WS kills a BS vs an OP. Though both deaths are tragic, the BS seems (2 me at least) to be more of the victim than the OP. I know that will raise lots of controversy but that's my take on this subject.

Again sorry for what happened.

take care,
L.

L.

David, how very heartbreaking. So much evil........ <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

threadjack: Hi JPH!! Long time, no see! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Awwww David... wow... as an RN I have witnessed death alot, but this had to have been absolutey horrible for you! ((((David))))

Way too close to home. Ouch. May God be with you and the family of that poor soul... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

David, that is truly awful.
I can't imagine how horrible that must have felt for you and for that betrayed woman.

IMHO our society needs to start taking adultery a LOT more seriously. Look how many innocent lives are destroyed because of adultery. At least the adulterers had a choice about whether or not to get involved and risk bringing such destruction down on themselves and others.

The betrayed innocents need to exercise EXTREME caution when dealing with adulterers! The anology of them being addicts should never be taken too lightly. Also, while I am always an advocate of exposure, consideration should be taken in when/how to expose or confront. I'm assuming this woman was alone when she confronted her wayward husband with her knowledge of his affair?

It also illustrates that it's the secrecy, that was started and maintained by the adulterers, that is being 'protected'. When the betrayed spouse finds out about the adultery IMHO exposure should happen ASAP, but very carefully. The betrayed spouse is probably in the most danger when they have learned about the adultery, but have not exposed it to others yet.
The adulterers commonly become furious when their nasty little secret is exposed. That's when the betrayed spouse should take extra precautions to have a support person WITH them to help confront and expose the adulterers.

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

Hi Melody...I was thrilled that you remembered me. I've been away as I have had several more eye surgeries. Forgive me if this post is misspelled. I have to type more by touch than sight. I am legally blind now and can read a little. I challenge myself every day.

I am in the process of going through a divorce. It has been a long time coming and am relieved that it's over. Adultery was nof the main problem with my what I thought was a marriage but just the evidence of mental illness that is so vast that he'll never be able to look at it all.

Yesterday while shopping at Target, I think xow was walking behind me. Just a year ago that fact would have sent me into a tailspin. I could not have cared less..in fact I found myself feeling sorry for her. Abandoned, sightless and clueless as to how I'll go on from here is preferable to the mess her life is. And she has it better than he. My stbx is without a family. Something hard to rebuild at 55. He has no north...has has no safe place to fall anymore. His daughter only speaks to him on the phone when she wants money. He's aware of that and encourages her to call for money any time. How sad. He calls from time to time to ask me to call him. I don't. He does this aware that his attorney has warned him if he continues it will not bode well with the judge. How he will justify how he treated his family when he stands before God is beyond what I can imagine.

I come to marriage builders from time to time to "catch up." What happened to Faithinme?

David, I can barely type. That story took it out of me. Incredible.

I was at a restaurant with my brother the other day. The owner knows him, and was talking to us for a while. She's run this restaurant for 15 years, and feels like she overhears far more conversations about affairs than she used to.

GC