OK a book I read recently, and a book on cd that I listened to this weekend both shared this tip:

Write things down during the day to be shared with your spouse later.

So you have something to talk about AND so that you don't do all/most of your sharing/conversation with other people instead.

One way to protect the intimacy between husband and wife, and to keep others (like coworkers) from becoming too close, is to purposely refrain from sharing things with others, sharing with your spouse only, or at least with your spouse first, the things you chat about!

IMHO this is a great idea.

This was a major problem area in my marriage because my WH would come home with all sorts of details about the lives of his female coworkers, expressing sympathy for how poorly they were being treated by their spouse/boyfriend...
Most likely they didn't start out telling him about personal matters. I'm sure their conversations started innocently enough with chit-chat about daily news, events, work, weather, etc. Then they'd go home to their spouses and resond to 'tell me about your day' with a grunt or the 'nothing to tell' attitude - BECAUSE they had already met their need to chat elsewhere.

Also, when a spouse goes out to lunch with coworkers they don't feel much like going out to eat dinner with their spouse later.

My WH would come home all talked out, not wanting to go anywhere or to do anything...

Then he would 'end up' having another affair with another coworker, blaming it on me and our marriage being boring. Our marriage WAS boring... but not because I was boring or because I didn't want a more exciting marriage. My WH refused to talk to me or to do much of anything with me. But I bet he would have wanted to if his needs for conversation, etc. weren't being met elsewhere.

Oh yes -sounds just like mine. For two years all I got was verbal abuse -so who would want to speak -if I did he always tunred the things I said against me. So quite I was for 2 years. Told my WH -geesh - I should have had the affair I was so lonely.

Isn't that the truth though. My STBX never talked either, saved all her talking for the internet.

I have to admit though that I sometimes wasn't as attentive and needed alot of work inviting conversation though. But I did the work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Our marriage WAS boring... but not because I was boring or because I didn't want a more exciting marriage. My WH refused to talk to me or to do much of anything with me. But I bet he would have wanted to if his needs for conversation, etc. weren't being met elsewhere. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MM, It was soooo boring. STBX never wanted to do anything, and then would cancel out of everything we scheduled. Well to be fair, almost everything <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .


But I like your idea alot.

<small>[ February 27, 2005, 02:46 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Yep.I agree too and my WH also did this to me.I even told him that I recognized that he was pulling away and not talking with me like he used to,I did see that but you can't force someone to talk.

My WH probably did share quite a bit with the homewrecker although I will never know exactly what since we are D'ing but I did know,and he told me,his disucssions with the homewrecker were private. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Yes,I know dear.Grrr.That is why we are where we are today!

But,he will never be able to share in discussions about his children like he could with me.I am their mother.All the homewrecker can do is listen.She has no say and no part of their lives.She will have to listen to his day about work,his loss of everything,his depression,his confusion and not share in anything about his family.They don't want any part of her.Hmmm.And I wonder,I scored about a 5-6 on the EN questionnaire for conversation.I wonder if he lied?

Whatever <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />