Hello All,
Been lurking here for many months longer than I care to think about, and have never posted for lack of a better knowledge or advise than what I've seen here from so many people who have been through the HORROR OF INFIDELITY!
It has truly been the worst pain that anyone person(including myself) could possibly endure!
I think it's appropriate to say, that none of us ever expected or envisioned this happening to US, ever...ever....ever.(sigh)!
My DDay was 2years,8mo, and 29 hours ago, but who's counting?
God loves us all and I truly belive He grieves as much as we do, so do we really have any choice than to wear His crown of thorns and ultimately feel honored by His choice to bestow upon us His suffering for His honor and glory.
I will post more at a later time, but I grieve for each and every one of you who suffers from this pain and mortification. God still loves us and there is hope for our future and the future of our marriages, and the future of our WS.

Thanks for being there for me,
Jerry

Hello Jerry,

Welcome to MB as a poster finally! Now you're "official" LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We'll be here when you are ready to tell your story.Take your time~

O

Thanks O
Didn't mean to take so long to get back but been very busy with sick mother and MIL.
Can't really tell every thing thats happened for last 2 and 1/2 years since DDay, so I'll go for the capsule version and talk another time about everything in between that i neglected to mention.

Saga begins with my fws inadvertenly developing what i could only call an inapproprite relationship with her now former boss for the 3 and 1/2 years she worked for him. She claims she never felt anything romantic for him, but admits she let him get to close. My fws is the "rescuer" type and this low life picked up on that right away. So it was always the "poor me" attitude because of his terribly mean wife etc.etc.
This guy was actually a predator who new how to use every line in the book and preyed for my fws in this manner. You see, when it was all over, he told my fws that "its all a game."
June 2001==He invites my fws out after work for a couple of drinks and my fws accepts(mistake #1).
Later he talks her into coming down to his boat that is docked a few minutes away to see some cabinet he'd been bragging about for 6 mos.
My fws accepts(mistake #2).
While there at the boat, it's more drinks and even marijuianna(WHAT? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )
One thing apparently led to the next and the final mistake; she ends up in his bed having SF with him.

Fast forward to June 2002= I end up going to my family doctor to diagnose these ummm..abnormalities I've noticed in a very sensitive area of my body. Yeah, you know where this is going; HPV <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Came home from doctor and my fws knows why I went and breaks down crying with the big confession(finally)..
Next 2 and 1/2 years are pure hell and LBer her constantly. To her credit,I suppose, she stuck it out and we are still here today.
Pertinent Info:
Now married 35 years with a full grown family.
Wife quit her job there about 2 mos. after this incident. Only stayed for "damage control" so he would not say anything to anyone. You see, my youngest son also worked for him.
I only survived because of this web site and the amazing people on this forum.

thanks again, will post again soon
Jerry
[/LIST]
BS ME 55
FWS HER 55
2 DS ALL GROWN UP
NO PLAN==NO CLUE
I LOVE MY WIFE!!!!!!

I'll extend another "welcome" to you. Glad to "meet" you. I'm sorry infidelity brought you here, as did most of us, but this place is truly a blessing, as you have already found out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep reading and posting. You 'll be giving and receiving at the same time.

Does your W read here also? Are you 2 in counseling? Just wondering....

Faith1

Faith1 and O
Thanks for the replys.
I was never really ever going to post here because I'm no longer in extreme crisis, but simply to somehow say thanks to all who regularly post with such outstanding advise and encouragement.

I guess I read here for so long because I desperately needed to connect in someway with others who have had to endure the horrible pain. There just wasn't anyone I could really do that with without as David Carder says in his book, as ,"linning up the enemies" against her.

Yes Faith1, we are now in MC and have been for about 7 mos. now. Seems kinda strange after being so long from DDay, but we tried C last year and it was a complete failure. MC dismissed my wife from C after 3rd session and decided the whole problem was mine because I was angry(Duh ) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: monospace;"> [/code]</blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

We both moved on eventually to IC and that set the stage for MC. My wife had her's and I mine but the ironic part, is they were a husband and wife team. When we moved to couples therapy, they both participate at the same time so we became a foursome at these sessions. It has worked pretty well but we are winding down now as the limit of what their intervention can do is sorta ending.

I sorta came to the realization that my wife was never going to follow MY plan for recovery. She will not read a book, look at websites, and heavens no, post here. My IC told me that she is sooo guilty that it may actually be harmful for her to truly face it, and I don't want to be the source of that much pain anymore.

So, she buries it and I have done everything else( reading etc.) myself. I think it slowed our recovery to a crawl(why else would I be posting here after 2years and 8 mos. after DDay?)

I guess my MAIN reason for posting here was I felt I owed everyone here a great big {{{{{hug}}}
for getting me through this without you're ever realising, that there are people like me out here reading,that youdon't even realise, and it may have saved my sanity.

I am very confident my wife and I will make it through all of this, start a new marriage with new and improved boundaries and finish the race as God intended we should.

Thanks so much for your interest and encouragement.
Jerry