2B -

I forgot that I have that book, but I haven't finished reading it. Beth Moore also wrote "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things," which was very helpful to me right after d-day.

Have a good day.

Rose

Hi Rose - I was specifically looking for the book "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" last night. It had been recommended to me LONG ago, but the bookstore didn't have it. I believe this book will be helpful to me, but I do also want to read "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" as well. I just NEEDED to start with something to get my focus right!

I'm reading Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind" right now...that's pretty good as well, 2BN.

Owl - Yes I did look at that book last night. Looked good. So many books to choose from!

Beth Moore has some online Bible studies as well that I was looking into. But...want to finish one thing at a time!

Makes sense. I know that my wife was reading a book on 'forgiving yourself' a while back. She's really gotten back into reading the bible and in doing a lot of devotionals herself lately.

The one thing you DO need to remember in all of this is the bottom line...God DOES forgive you of the sins you truly repent and confess. If you've truly repented (which means you regret and will not do it again), then the next step is just letting go of the guilt you've got associated with it. Not easy, but something you have to do at some point.

Owl -
Did you find that your W really got back into reading the Bible and devotionals right after D-Day and then had a slump when things started to get better between the 2 of you? You had mentioned that she's really gotten back into her Bible reading, so I was wondering if she had a slump time like I have experienced and Cards seemed to as well?

Although, it does seem that we reach out to God when we are in are greatest need, doesn't it? Like when I was in horrible withdrawals, I felt all I had to rely upon was God to carry me through. So easy to slip back into the wrong habits when things start to seem better.

Well, she actually admitted that she'd really lost her way with God during the affair. For a while, she was convinced that God had put OM in her life for a reason, but once the truth came out and she started working through everything, she wasn't ready to 'face Him'. She knew that she'd really made a mistake, and felt horribly guilty about what had happened.

But once she started getting through the withdrawl, and we began re-building, and she saw how heavily I was leaning on Him, it helped her recover her faith.

At this point, she's heavily into devotions and such...more so than the rest of us in truth. I think it's great, but I just can't keep up with her pace...LOL.

Hope things are going well for you friend!

Owl-

Well, I think for all Christians that go through an A, you do lose your way with God. You know He's still there, but you start ignoring all the truths you so adamently believed in before the A. It was all so very difficult for me to sit in church. So many times I didn't want to go, but I had to keep up "appearances".

There is a time as well, that you aren't ready to face God. At least for me there was. Yesterday I had mentioned that LONG ago someone had recommended the book "Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things". This book was recommended to me by someone when I was trying to let go of the 1st OM. I was talking to a woman on that forum at the time who had gone through a similar experience and she recommended the book as it had helped her. I actually went to the bookstore to buy the book, but as I flipped through the pages of the book and read some of it, I knew I was not ready to face what I would read. So I put it back and didn't buy it! If I had read that book then, maybe I would have never gone as far as I did with the 2nd OM, but I can't go back and change history.

2BN-

I can imagine going to church at that time would be pretty tough.

As far as where you're at now, I'd just suggest keep praying, and working hard on fixing what God has given you...your marriage to your husband.

I'll tell you what...the strain that teenagers can put on a marriage is incredible. It seems like almost all of the stress we're dealing with anymore centers around dealing with our kids...not so much with each other. But it all adds up to stress at home sometimes, so I'm REALLY looking forward to when the kids start leaving the house!

TEENAGERS!!! You are right about that! Incredible strain, and we have been dealing with that alot lately ourselves. I think it gets us ready to WANT them out of the house! LOL!
I am definately looking forward to the days of a quiet, stress free household!

Yes and I NEED to keep on with working hard at my marriage on top of this. God will provide the way!

Well, the good news for me is that it's only a few more years for all of them to be out...and I'm seriously expecting the oldest two to be moving out sometime within the next six months.

I REALLY hope that reduces some of our stress...this has just been too much lately.

On a good note, while it was a bummer that we had an issue with our daughter, last nite it was my wife who took up for me against our daughter. Normally, I'm defending my wife...and on the occasions when it's me against the kids, I'm my own. But last nite my wife went off on our daughter when she started bad mouthing me, and it was nice to have really felt like we were both on the same side.

I am really looking forward to a time when our lives when we can focus all of our energy on each other instead of 90% of our energy being focused on our kids.

Owl -
Are your 2 oldest going away to college?

Our oldest will be attending a local community college for at least the first year. 3 more years until our youngest graduates and then, hopefully, we will have a quiet house then!

All in time though...we are in this for a season and we need to do the best we can for them. Frustrating at times for sure, but hopefully we will see the fruit of our efforts in years to come!

Well, they're going to both work to attend the local community college here, but I'm not sure that they've worked through the logistics as well as they need to. The younger ones are a few years from graduating too, so we're in a similar state with where our kids are at I think.

Cards- You still out there? Haven't seen you in a few days.

Hi all,

I'm still here, thanks for asking. I've had a really rough couple of work days so I haven't been able to stay up with everyone. The stress combined with not sleeping well (or enough) is really doing a number on me. I HATE it when I feel this way. My H is stressed out too, right now, so we both are kind of going our separate ways in order to get through the days. Hopefully this weekend we can re-focus and chill out a bit.

Sorry you're having a rough time, Cards. I hope you have a good weekend, and really hope that you and your husband can find a way to get some 'you' time together!

Hi all - haven't been able to get on the internet today because it was down at work. It was actually nice for a change! 6 months ago, I would have been a basket case with no internet....but today a different story!

Cards - I had been thinking of you as well. I hope things get better for you over the weekend! Hope you and your H get some moments to re-connect!

Have a great weekend all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Sys, I don't remember when you were due back, but I hope that your trip with your wife went well my friend.

Hi all!

Back from what I am officially declaring my best vacation ever!

This time is exactly what my W and I needed and the timing of events couldn't have been better. As I said in my last post, as of the friday before we left, my W had really begun to reach out to me and with the unfortunate call from the OM, her resolve to be with me was only strengthened and made clear to me.

We had a long car ride to get where we were going, we had the kids, so there wasn't any deep talks, but a few miles in, she reached out and took my hand. We did that a lot. She was so affectionate and loving towards me I was giddy. There was a small amount of nagging paranoia in my mind -completely irrational thinking but that's just the old paranoia lingering (know what I mean Owl?).

Anyway, long story short, we are back together for the long haul. We spent the vacation kissing, hugging, holding hands and most importantly, talking and being with each other.

The OM tried calling our house on the first day of our vacation (pretty ballsy given he previously would only call her cell -wondering if today being Tuesday, he'll try again). My W found this out and told me as we waited for a table at our favorite restaurant (nice having family to baby sit all week).

Every time he calls, it seems her resolve is strengthened now so I say bring it on, keep calling dude. Anyway, she is going to write hm and tell him to move on and leave us alone. She is cancelling the EQ1 account and she is done with her former guild forums. So the ties have been or will be shortly severed entierely and most importantly in her heart and mind it's done and I am the one she is with.

We talked a lot about how she came to this point. In a nutshell, she said with time she had hardened against the OM, she was able to see that she had a really great life here with me and our kids. I asked what had let her come to all of this and she told me over the last month she had been really very happy and that she found herself really looking forward to our vacation. She said she realized that a big part of that was that she was looking forward to spending time with me. I guess that flipped the switch from trying to doing. For those looking for answers, she told me the main factor for her was time (5 months since d-day for us, 3 months since NC began). She also credited the fact that we had a really stong foundation (a very deep friendship and the kids) so putting things back together was not such a difficult thing once what I assume is the fog lifted comletely.

One frustrating but delicious aspect of this was that we were on vacation in a small house with my mother and grandmother -i.e no privacy -at all. My W had been saying for some time that she wasn't ready for a physical relationship to resume b/c although she was working on us, she didn't want to make any promises she couldn't keep. Well, it seems that the promise was there now in theory, but not practice and due to a good bit of self-conciousness and propriety, wasn't going to be fullfilled during that week. So, here we are, more or less back on track -I'm giddy with happiness and unbelievabably turned on by her. She was radiant and she loved me -what can I say? So we kissed -a lot. And cuddled and whatever else we could do.

Last night we got home. We made love for the first time in 5 months and it was glorious. We lay in other each others arms weeping with joy. I've never been so happy. Even the sex is better now ).

If the last 5 months were a nightmare -this is a dream come true.

Now this all begs a question: What do I do from here? We still need to work on us -there is still healing to do, trust to be regained, normalcy to return. Does this forum help? Owl, I know you still struggle, I assume this is why you are here. But does this forum perpetuate the stuggle or help, or both? I know that in the recent past, some of the posts here have increased my paranoia. For as much good as much of what is said here there is also a certain amount of unintentional harm I think.

Our Mc in his usual, folksy way said our relationship needed to be built like a car -small rear view mirror and a big windshield -we should be spending far more time looking forward than back.

I will cut back here a bit for now and just enjoy the renewal of my relationship with my W. I'll be here, but unless things get tough, I think I'll still avoid too much that might rain on my parade for now.

I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and help you have been to me. I hope I can return the favor in some small way. My wish for all of you is the happiness my W and I have found. I hope our example can be a light for all of you struggling in the dark as I did for so long. It can happen, but it takes work and resolve and hope.

Sys - Welcome back! So good to hear that you and your W had a wonderful vacation and that you both have progressed and are doing so very well! It certainly sounds like you both have found your "love" for each other that has been a struggle for the past months.


I think you have answered your own question...you and your W are in a great place and you do feel a certain sense of paranoia at times when you come on this site. I believe you can rest in the assurance that your W definately is in your M for the long haul! Sure, there will be bumps and struggles along the way, but you have that confidence now in knowing where your W stands and that is for your marriage!

Maybe there will be times where you have questions, and those of us that are still here will be here to help and support in any way possible.

I myself haven't been able to be on here for a few days due to our internet being down at work. I have found it refreshing in some ways to take a break from this forum, so I can understand where you are coming from.

Hope everyone else is doing well! Cards - are you still there? Hope these last few days have been better for you than last week.

Sys-

I'm seriously glad for you bro!!! It's awesome to see things finally working out for you!!!

I remember how wonderful it felt when we began reconciling...I was giddy over the whole thing too! I know what an awesome feeling that is.

The paranoia is going to be one of the harder things for you to deal with now...at least it was for me for a good while. And honestly, it still tends to crop up occasionally (like when my W took her trip this month). But if you can just keep a handle on it, it will fade over time.

My one personal suggestion for you...while she's in this mood, it's a good time for you to talk about YOUR EN's in this marriage. I don't think I did a very good job at making it clear what I needed...and I think that's why my wife still isn't as good about working to meet my needs as I am about meeting hers. So give that some thought bro...see if perhaps you might be able to work this into your MC sessions so that you BOTH work out with a happier marriage than ever!

Again, GRATZ!!!!