I am really feeling your pain today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How did you ever learn to let go of your kids and their pains? Does it ever get easier? I feel like I'm losing the only good thing I have left in my life.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think I will ever be able to let go of my kids. Even though both of them are away at college, I worry about them daily. As you say, it's a mean world these days.

Despite continued trials with them and memories of my H's infidelity, I continue to have faith in the Lord. I think we will be tested and anger at God is understandable. I rely on the belief that there is a reason for everything that happens. The reasons cannot be always understood by us. It's all a part of the big picture.

Hold on, FYR. Have faith.

Come by here and talk/vent....

FYR - I will look forward to joining in on this with you along with Mimi and others who care about you.

#2S recently gave me a wonderful book that is actually the O.T. book of Job as told through poetry. Sounds really dumb, but in reading it I think I really understood for the first time the emotions & struggles that Job must have gone through.

We care about you.

Georgia

FYR,

I've been out of town, and saw your post on GG's post.

When you said your daughter has BP2, what does that mean? I think I have an idea, but not sure!

FYR:

Another thing. Have you thought about being assertive regarding your daughter's medication. My thinking is that "you can't solve a problem by creating another problem". It's not OK for your daughter to be gaining that much weight in that period of time on a medication. Some dr.'s don't want to hear about concerns about side effects. Her physical and emotional health are equally important. Have to work to find the right balance...

^^bump^^

Dear Friends,

I just saw this a few minutes ago. I want so much to take time to respond to all of you who were so wonderful to start this thread and to post on it, but unfortunately I just got home from work and need to talk to my 17 year old.

I will definitely take time to reply tomorrow.

Thanks again for caring.

I love y'all.

FYR

FYR,

Good, I was hoping you would see this!!

CSue:

BP2 is an abbreviation for bipolar 2 disorder which is a little different than bipolar 1 in that it presents mainly as depressive bipolar instead of manic.

BP2 also shows up in kids differently than adults. Hope that helps clarify.

CSue - you are a sweetie..thank you for caring.

Regards,

FYR

FYR:

I knew what the diagnosis was. I'm still thinking the medication should be reconsidered.

How are you?

FGG - sounds like a neat book you have there (regarding Job). I have such a hard time with the OT stuff. The image I got of God in there..of Him being vengeful, cruel and mean...turned me off for a long time. I am a little better about it now, but I am not on speaking terms with God these days.

I am so glad you got the doggie..JEB? I think that is what you named him..or call him as a nickname.

It's been ucky having to sit through a marriage series at church. On the first Sunday of the series - the pastor said to write down 3 things about your spouse and to let them know. I wasn't sure if he meant to do it then or later..but I was starting to write some stuff and then he moved on to something else.

I did notice that my H never moved to write down anything. Later he told me he couldn't think of 3 good things to say about me. He then later said he thought I was a good mom..but you know..the damage was done already. This sucks..married to someone...had kids with..and he can't think of 3 DARN things to say nice about me? I have enemies who could name 3 nice things about me.

Sorry, as you can still tell..things are still not good in FYR land. Add all of this crud to kid trauma and working absolutely insane hours at work to fix a system problem...and I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die..except for my girls.

Well, going to finish off a post to beloved Mimi and then I need to get back to work...sigh.

Regards,

FYR

Mimi Girl -

Was just getting to you. I thought you might know what the abbreviation was...but I think poor CSUE thought I was making up a new category like a cross between BS and OP...BP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Just teasing you Sue...I know you realized it had something to do with daughter's issues.

Assertive about meds? Boy howdy. You are looking at an absolute research fanatic and devoted advocate for my children. I have fought H for years about getting daughter help way before my A. We knew from time she was born that she had problems. As she grew, they got worse. I saw the writing on the wall from the beginning. It was only as she got older that there were enough clues to start figuring stuff out.

My H didn't want her to go to psychiatrist because she was 'ok'. She didn't have BP or ADD because..she was too smart. Just like our M never had problems when I begged him for over 8 years before my A to go to counseling with me. Notice a pattern here? His whole family is like this..let's pretend it doesn't exist and it will all go away.

I bought a ton of books on BP and read up on it. I joined a parents forum for kids with bipolar. I charted her moods. I fought for new meds. I told old psychiatrist that the abilify would have to go soon. I began to see her grades drop as soon as she hit 7th grade. Before this..no one would consider her for any ADD type meds..because her grades were 'good'. I had avoided for the longest time thinking she might be ADD because I do feel we sometimes 'label' and 'medicate' when other options would be better. However, after struggling with this for 7 years (since she entered school)..I knew when she started to fail classes that something had to be done.

Every psychiatrist I took her to said "no, she doesn't have ADD..she holds still..her grades are good". I used to bring in these 5 page questionnaires from the Amen (Amon?) Brain Stem Clinic that I filled out. She didn't just rate a little ADD...she was off the scales...she is just NOT hyperactive. I used to be speechless..and would hand them these forms that I, her sister, grandparents, etc. filled out and they refused to look at them.

Finally, when she started failing multiple classes and crying in her bed at night because she felt stupid..and sat for 3, 4, 5 hours at a stretch trying to study but couldn't remember..couldn't concentrate..I had had it again. Instead of trying AGAIN to talk to my H and having him refuse me again to get help for daughter (by the way..as bad as over-medicating a child..or medicating a child needlessly..I think it is abusive to not get a child the help they need..when they truly need it) - I was sly this time.

I borrowed some extremely low dose Adderall from a friend (her kids take 15 mg at 85 lbs..I borrowed 5 mg for my 186 lb kid). I then called a pharmacist friend and asked about any possible negative interactions with her current meds. I then gave daughter 5 mgs..and the difference in just ONE day was like night and day! She focused. She helped. She was just..she was the girl that I know is always inside of her..we just got to see her for a long period of time. I just sat on my bed and cried because I was so grateful..and then so darn mad at myself for ever having let anyone stop me from getting this precious child the help she needed.

My teen was just amazed. We trialed different amts..never going over 10 mgs to make sure that it was not going to activate her mania. One day, my H called - he was out somewhere and he got daughter on phone about an hour after I gave her the medicine and he was like "wow, what did you do with our daughter..she was absolutely pleasant to talk to". So, I told him.

He then became an advocate for "we've got to get her to a doctor and get a prescription". I said "great, help me find someone new for her to see so we can get a prescription". Needless to say..he never called anyone..but complained tons that she needed to see someone SOON. Finally, after calling for days and spending many hours trying to get her in to someone..I found a new doctor who LISTENED to me..who TALKED to my daughter..who FINALLY did something. We got a prescription and have started daughter on it and discontinued Abilify.

Problem is we are starting on low dose and going up..of course the weight gain is already there. I'm going to get her out and walking more now that Spring is coming. I don't depend on the Adderall for her weight loss...I just want it for what it does..helps her function at her best in school.

Wow...long reply...I just wanted you to know where things stood...and that I agree with you..a more assertive..practically aggressive approach was needed to get people to finally listen..including her Dad.

Love Ya,

FYR

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 08:25 PM: Message edited by: FYR ]</small>

Wow FYR,

You have a lot on your plate. I thought I was projecting onto you when I read the BP2.

We are exploring BP for my son right now, so anything with BP initials means bi-polar to me!

I'm just scratching the surface on the learning curve and didn't know there was a 1 or 2 attached.

My son is seeing a psychiatrist now, just started a few weeks ago; and he's almost finishing yet another set of tests as we search to find some answers.

Currently as of today, his grades are too good to get much attention; but crazy as this sounds I'm not fooled. Earlier this year he tested 2 grades below his current grade level in one subject; so we get fluxuating information.

I feel like I'm running out of time to find answers to direct us the right way. He starts middle school next year; and I want to be as ready as possible.

Sorry, I made this all about me. Hope you don't mind posting more about your situation, because I have much to learn...prayers to you for strength. I'm sorry your H isn't being supportive in your marriage or with your daughter. That would make it seem much worse. Thanks for letting us know how you're doing!!

FYR and CSUE:

I certainly can relate to your struggles with the children. My older son in particular has had tons of major problems but thank God is doing fine now. I think? I worry about them daily.

The Adderall will definitely lead to weight loss if she continues to take it. A lot of teens don't like it and want to stop. Hopefully she will remain on it.

Yes, without being specific at all, I'm in a "helping profession."

FYR, are you feeling more hopeful?

Tomorrow is another day......

Keep in touch!!!

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

You see Mimi;

That's what is so comforting to learn. That your son has had problems and is now doing fine. He's in late teens/early 20's in college right?

It gives me hope to hear stories like yours. The "tester" for lack of being able to accurately reflect all the letters behind her name...has a son who struggled tremendously through school.

And now he's in college, and enjoying it. She said it will probably take him 6 years to get a bachelors degree, it's a huge accomplishment for him to even be in college feeling successful.

I've assembled a pretty good team of advisors now, and they care a lot about my son - and the reality is that just his exposure to these supportive people has boosted his confidence tremendously. Today has been a very good day (funny, my finger kept slipping on good day, I kept typing god day!) So yes, it has been a God day for us too!

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 10:12 PM: Message edited by: CSue ]</small>

Good Morning, FYR-

You are so fortunate to have friends like CSue and Mimi to offer supportive advice on the med issues with your daughter. I know they will be a blessing to you.

I can understand your feeling that life is dealing with you unfairly, and it is also understandable that you are angry with God. I think many of us go through that even if we don't admit it as openly as you have. Just allow me to suggest that of all relationships, this is the only one that we can be assured will never end, and one which we can't destroy. There is some real power in terms such as "grace", "forgiveness", and "unconditional love" that can be very powerful during our hard times. It is the lack of these attributes in our lives that can cause such problems in our relationships to one another, such as what you are experiencing with your H.

Anyway, no condemnation here...just encouragement to a stong lady who we care about.

Georgia