I think I have a better understanding of Plan A now. This is really difficult to get a handle on. The first three weeks after dday I was doing a stellar Plan A out of ignorance. I had not yet heard of MB or Plan A. I simply believed his words of unhappiness about me and our marriage and did the best I could to make the necessary changes. It was starting to work but when he wouldn't go NC after repeated attempts, I felt like my efforts were fruitless and the reality of the internet EA hit me, he was addicted and there was nothing I could do to change that. I didn't know he was is a fog.

The next 3 weeks got worse and worse even though he said there was NC. My error was in trying to talk R stuff everytime I felt like we were connecting again. I thought I was doing plan A but I really didn't have a handle on it, looking back.

Something clicked this weekend though. First of all, I wrote a plan B letter but didn't give it to him, then I realized I wasn't really doing plan A right. I also exposed him, to our best friends and to my mother-in-law, who is the last person he would want to know about this. I hope I did the right thing, I'm not sure. It definetly jolted him enough to confide in our friend about this and since then he has not spoke to me. He is still here though and sleeping in the same bed. He let me make him dinner, breakfast, and iron his clothes. I hope this is all a good sign. Somehow despite this step back, I feel more optimistic and clear about this, is that weird?

It's sad though because today he started his new job after many many months of unemployment (part of the reason he became depressed and put us into this mess in the first place). I've always been his biggest cheerleader and today was no exception. But I had to write it down for him instead of giving him the warm hug I'm so used to. I miss him so much.

Exposure, plans A & B are bad for the A and good for the BS. Not good for the WS but needed for the BS and family.

As for meeting his domestic needs, figure out where that leaves you. Eventually that could make you quite angry. So figure out if you are being used to enable the A and create a cake eating environment that will allow the WS to flourish and hurt you further.

Remember you want your H back NOT this WS creature.

What from MB have you read?

take care,
L.

I disagree, I think exposure is good for the WS. It helps them come back to reality and out of the fog they are in. Just my opinion. I've nevver been on that side of the fence.

Luv2bd(hope that doesn't mean 2 be dead)
I'm sure you are to important for that to happen. His mistake isn't your fault. Orchid always has good advice so read those post when available. Untill then hang in there we are all pulling for you and your H to have a great marriage.

Orchid - thx for the response. I am doing my best to only provide the needs I feel comfortable with, they are getting to be less and less though. I'm mostly just learning how to identify and avoid LB's - that was the part I wasn't seeing. I have read most of the MB concepts, articles, and Q&A so I am getting a better understanding, but each time I read again, I learn something new, even if its something I've already read - so I'll keep doing my homework

I am considering my next step. So far, I only have indirect evidence that the EA is continuing and my gut instinct. I'm considering spyware but am extremely hesitant about this. Any thoughts?

Also, I am thinking about calling Steve Harley before I make anymore wrong moves that I can't afford - does anyone have any experiences with him, they can share?

Both of these things would make WH extremely angry if he found out - so I feel stumped. Right now all he is doing is mostly ignoring me and moping around unless he wants to yell about something, anything that isn't going his way. I'm doing my best to just be as pleasant as possible. This morning after I saw him log into his Yahoo account I asked him who he still exchanges e-mail with. He supposedly cancelled this account in front of me several weeks ago. He said he hasn't talked to or e-mailed anyone but he still checks it - yeah right! He said he can still have a life without me and he doesn't want to talk to me right now. So I walked away.

Today I have a very important 2nd job interview. Its sucks to be going without his encouragement that I had become so accustomed to. Who is this man?????????

BTW luv2bd means love to bead, as in make jewelery. I value my life way too much for it to mean be dead!!!!! But thank you for the concern. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Luv2Bd,

Me too:

http://www.rings-things.com/Projects/68002-31.htm

Hi meremortal

Thank you for the project, they are so cute! It should be a nice way to distract myself.

The things you find on this website!!!! Meremortal, I thank you also for the project. I just started beading as a way to help getting thru plan B and haven't found many projects to do. So thank you very much, you have no idea how much it means to me.

Hi luv,

How did that job interview turn out?

Steve is a great counselor. Very effective phone counseling. Even 1 session was noteworthy.

As for the WS/H, he isn't helping you anyway so go do what you need for you.

Hugz,
L.