RHMike
I agree with RIF that you need to be very open with your feelings even if they will hurt your spouse. The full scope of the damage must be known before it can be repaired.
There are ways to convey your messages and thoughts with minimizing provocation or anger through guilt. One of the best and the easiest ways is to concentrate on using the word I or me and never the word you. You must do this in a calm controlled demeanor, even emotionally showing your hurt, but never dump in anger. Staying in this presence is reflecting your emotions and reactions to an event.
Example:
This affair with the other man really hurt me deeply and I felt lost, so lost, I hated myself, and I just wanted to die.
VS
You really hurt me deeply and made me feel lost so much so that I hated myself and wanted to die.
With a bit of practice using I and Me you will find there will be little resistance to discussing just about anything.
If your mate does lash out through guilt when confronted with the I and Me statements, you must remain as calm as you can, no LB's and just explain, This is how I feel dear, These are my emotions that are hurting me, and being mine, within my body, they are the ones I need to learn to understand.
Pick your time wisely to use the statement above. I found it best when my wife calmed down from her defensive guilt reaction.
SM
PS: Semper Fi my friend. 67-71
<small>[ March 01, 2005, 06:28 AM: Message edited by: SilentMisery ]</small>
