so what do you think the difference would be when i catch him doing something and he is sorry and sad and scared and actually acts taht way not angry?

I think the difference would be is that you have proof that he cannot deny, when he acts sorry and scared. Angry when your onto somethng and he's hoping to scare you off before you dig too deep.

I think your right i was thinking that on the way home. I just dont know what to do? should i be in plan a? how can you bei n plan a or b if you have no proof of an a or contact?

I think your right i was thinking that on the way home. I just dont know what to do? should i be in plan a? how can you bei n plan a or b if you have no proof of an a or contact?

I dont know. I can tell you that I had to have absolute, undeniable proof before I could do anything! So instead of working on myself like I should have done, I had what my mom calls my nervous breakdown. I couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, couldnt work, when there all I did was call my fwh, cry , argue, and scream. I got sent home many a time and almost fired. I tracked his every movement, drove around the city at all hours looking for him, cracked his voicemail more than once. It made things worse. He finally had packed his stuff, said there was no one else, that I was crazy and he couldnt deal with me anymore. @ days later, after checking his V.M. I finally caught him. Undeniable proof of an A ongoing for at least 6 months, I confronted my fwh and gave him all my proof and waited for his reaction. Ha! you [censored], NOW tell me im crazy and imagining things! Do you know what i got for all my hard and I do mean HARD work of espionage? he said and i will never forget this "thats what you get for being nosy!" I tell you this so maybe you will decide its better to just plan A for now, sit back and wait to see what happens. You know your H right? you know somethings wrong. I caused myself so much unnecessary pain by my actions i just want to stop somebody else before they make things harder on themselves. Assume he IS having an A and go from there.

Hugs
michelle.

michelle, thanks so much, you are right. I was thinking i should just assume he is talking with her, i doubt its a pa or anything that extreme b/che is accounted for at all times so the most it is is an EA . which is bad if not worse BUT i will assume it is goin gon and try another plan a which i was never good at. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but i will try hard this time. and its hard when i dont even wawnt to talk to him b/c i'm so fustrated but i will try i need to go buy a journal and just journal or outlet on here. ughh. here we go again. thanks Mylife

Keep at it girl. Unfortunately im right in the middle of moving, I keep coming back here cause im the queen of procrastination LOL. I wont have phone service when i get to my new place, guess i should get around to calling the phone company, but as soon as i do, ill check back to see how its going with you. Ill be here until I unplug my computer if you feel like talking. take care.

Thanks so much. Maybe we can exchange emails when you get your new phone hooked up good luck moving. H calls me tonight after i didnt call all day and is all jolly even said" can you call to see if i can get a new cell faster... because i miss talking to you on your break" it was sweet until i think of all the drama. i want him to have the cell back too because i know he doesnt call her on it. an di miss talking to him too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ugghhh love.

Could be, but it does not have to be he's in contact with OW.

He's 25, was with you 10... not so much time to have different women... the reason he was with OW at first place I guess... He's not mature, not committed... he's not pleased with himself, nor with his life... feels young and - trapped, with a W, 2 kids, so young, and so many temptations around...
I can say the same about you, but you seem ready to settle down...

You can forgive him, and you want to work on your M, right? (Final answer?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
If so, do plan A and forget about accusing him.
If you have to spy, try he never discovers. Never.
Not before you have a firm proof in your hands and confront him with... or maybe once when you are fed up too...

Your should focus not if he's with OW, but - on his behavior at your home!
He has to deal and work on his anger. (You said he had it before A, right?!)
Without this, no matter OW or not, you'll have a hell of a life with him... and don't forget, above everything - your children!

PS: Do you know who was OW?

BElonging wow you hit it on the head you sound like my counsler <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> first yes we have been together since we were 15.. along time. He has had a few episodes that we've split up when our first d was born almost 6 years ago b/c he was unsure of himself/ourlife etc. but then things were so good. i got pregnet (planned). boom he finds ow . she worked/works with him. I found out within a few weeks he is not a good lier i catch on to almost everything. it was EA for a long time. i had my d. we tried tow ork it out and he still had contact with her finnaly i asked him toleave. he did. he missed us badly. came home no contact set up. that was last jan. so throughout the year i've found solid proof of contact here and there with the last one being in sept. nothing like ewkhen the a was going on (liek the hours of phone calls) dont really know if they were pa ornot. probably will never know. she was a co worker. he says she no longer works there as of sepetember i have no way of proving it. he has been angry since he was a child we did a lot of work and he is a lot better . i am in no fear and if i ever was in fear i'd be gone in a heartbeat.

my counser say s i shouldnt worry about weather or not he is ow or what is going on when i'm at work (unless hes having her around the kids or over which is definatly not happening) that i should focus on making our marriage wonderful and eventually she'll have no room in his life.

so i guess i will plan a i am trying real hard. any pointers? i never did well with this concept! for one i always seem to do the wrong thing or go back to accusing. i'm going to post here and journal an dbe strong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> hOpefully .