i know i have written quite a bit hav'nt had to much feed back. my d-day was 2 months ago. my h had gotton close with a co-w.I found out because he bought her a smaal gift for x-mas.i guess she was the forward type and he like all the things he would say to him. my h work lotsmof overtime and also went to school nites full time so he hardly seen his family. at first he told me they just kissed and talked a couple of times on the phone.i was hurt but we also knew we were not meeting our needs. we talked and talked and realized how much we missed eachother and loved eachother and he realized what he did was a mistake. we no longer talked to her after a while she figured out why.but after her h found out there was more he needed to tell me he said they talked alot on the phone from school on his breaks and some times from our home.he said on nite after work he got in her car they went somewere in the parking lot and really started making out. he said they started to have sex but he could'nt keep going he was scared he also said he never.............i was wondering if this was possible?he said this only happened once. he did admitt to trying to set things up again but did'nt go thru with it.he did'nt have the time.
This info just blew me away.before all this came out we were doing so good we always had a hard time talking to eachother and now thats all we do we tell eachother everything. i actully feel like i went backwards because he did'nt tell me everything up front. he said he was protecting me and also himself.I asked him why and he said he was evil and that he was a fool.he did'nt realize what he had in front of him until it was to almost to late.we both are on meds for panic attacks.sometimes i think hes worse off than me. Is this possible. i hold back tears sometimes because hes also has a hard time coping with what he did to his family. we have read books HN HN surviving an affair. we also did see a mc. which helpes we will go back.he also had a harder time there than me.he is a different person now..He never did love this person she was having problems in her own M and he was there to listen.her h was abusive i guess he even tryed to call and tell me that my H and his W had sex twice a week for two months which my h swears up and down is not true.he also told people my H had a police record. which was'nt true.I was just looking for advice. just wondering if the WS can hurt just as much as th BS? also can a male stop during sex just like that?i know to forward of a question sorry.any other advice will help.we have been together since we were 14 we are 30 and have been married 12 yrs. we have 2 kids.i think we lost our way and we are now just finding our way back.
THANKS
LL

Welcome to MB, and I'm glad you're here. SOunds like you are at the right place. It's good that you posted again. I saw your other post, and wasn't sure how to respond.

We ask for a bit of patience with us, and in the meantime, there's TONS of reading materials on this website, and other posts to learn from <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . You might be surprised how many other situations are just like yours!

It sounds like you are on the right track... reading some books, counseling, and communicating. Keep it up! Just remember, your marriage didn't get to this state overnight, and it can't be fixed overnight.

he said they started to have sex but he could'nt keep going he was scared he also said he never.............i was wondering if this was possible?

I'm no expert, but yes, I think this is possible. Guilt could have stopped him. (?) If it's true, you should be thankful. If it's not, be patient, and continue working on Plan A, and the other things will be more important to you than the details of the affair.

just wondering if the WS can hurt just as much as th BS?

Yes! As I said before, read read read... other posts. There are WS posting here, and you can see into the mind of WS at different levels. They are hurting for many reasons. Pain from unmet needs in the marriage, guilt from the affair, withdrawal from the OP, and fear and doubts just like you!

It's SO GOOD that you are here, and willing to learn. Learn all you can about Plan A. You and your H both should be in Plan A.

Hope this helps a little bit. Keep posting, and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for!

Faith1

i'm just wondering how i could trust my H love again. he tells me so many times a day. at the begining of me finding out i felt his love and after more about the A came out its like i pushed it away.almost our whole realationship we never talked about feelings and held in those three little words.now i hear it so much like i always wanted to.is this normal to feel all this love and to lose track of it for a while because of lies.any advice from the top will also help

THANKS
LL

Yup.....it's completely normal.

The answer to your other question is yes also. It happened to my H the first couple of times he tried to be "with" the OW.

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

thanks miss priss, i was hoping that could happen
to know that i could actully believe that he did start to have sex and stopped because he got scared.im hoping to get more posts. i was also wondering does anyone ever contact the OW or OH

just wanted to bump this up hopfully more people are on tonite.

IMHO.....I don't think ANYONE should waste their time contacting the OW/OM.

There are plenty of people that did.....and I have to say that I have done so myself.....but got nothing out of any of the conversations....except for lies, lies and more lies.

I think that ANY focus whatsoever on the OW/OM is a detrement to any plan.....be it A, B or D.

You have to remember.....the OW/OM in most cases is just as messed up as the WS. They are living in the same "reality" that the WS is....so therefore they think alike.....and most of the time....they just don't think.

Probably hurts too much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

i do sometimes want to contact the OW only because her H called me and told me stuff about them having sex twice a week for two months. my H swears it only happened once he did'nt finish.yes he tryed to set it up again he said but never went thru with it.i was hoping she would confirm. i guess her H likes to start trouble.like everyone i think im missing pieces to a puzzle. my H is the only one to answer them.he is trying so hard to make me happy.he says he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for this mistake.hes so afraid i'm going to leave.everytime i cry its gets him crying and he keeps repeating please tell me you won't leave. i'm so sorry.i don't plan on leaving i just don't know how to handle this at times.

i do sometimes want to contact the OW only because her H called me and told me stuff about them having sex twice a week for two months. my H swears it only happened once he did'nt finish.yes he tryed to set it up again he said but never went thru with it.i was hoping she would confirm. i guess her H likes to start trouble.like everyone i think im missing pieces to a puzzle. my H is the only one to answer them.he is trying so hard to make me happy.he says he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for this mistake.hes so afraid i'm going to leave.everytime i cry its gets him crying and he keeps repeating please tell me you won't leave. i'm so sorry.i don't plan on leaving i just don't know how to handle this at times.

i do sometimes want to contact the OW only because her H called me and told me stuff about them having sex twice a week for two months. my H swears it only happened once he did'nt finish.yes he tryed to set it up again he said but never went thru with it.i was hoping she would confirm. i guess her H likes to start trouble.like everyone i think im missing pieces to a puzzle. my H is the only one to answer them.he is trying so hard to make me happy.he says he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for this mistake.hes so afraid i'm going to leave.everytime i cry its gets him crying and he keeps repeating please tell me you won't leave. i'm so sorry.i don't plan on leaving i just don't know how to handle this at times.