Love-

Hi it's Caren again, I am a Plan B flunkie, so I will not offer you any advice, I will however tell you to duck..........I forsee incoming 2x4's.

-Caren

Well, I had time to think this over a bit. I wrote him a letter saying that I was very sorry that his family is going through this and we just found out. That he needs to be strong for them. That I will be there for them (his family) as always. That I love him and this is all in my prayers and my heart, but I will not break Plan B by seeing him or talking to him.

I am sending the letter out with the kids when he shows up to drop what he has for the baby.

Let's see what happens. I feel good right now. I will be back later to update once he leaves.

Caren, I know about the 2x4's and after a while they do not hurt as much. Trust me. I can take them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for posting. I least I know someone is listening. Love

I have my WH outside. I was walking the dog and saw his semi truck coming down the road so I dragged my poor dog inside and rush the kids out with the letter. He stood there for a minute reading it and went back to the truck to pickup whatever he is giving my son. Now they are outside the front of the house working on whatever. I am locked in my room just in case he decides to enter the house to bring the kids in or my son's gift.

We will see what happens! I'll be back. Love

Yep! He came in the house and sent my SS with note saying something like he is hurting about his brother and he spoke to OW because her brother was killed so she knows what if feels like losing a brother. That he loves me. And that he wanted to take SS with him tonight and take our son tommorrow after he visits the doctor with his dad. That he needs lots of help and that he can not understand why this was said to him now.

I was thinking the same thing. Why tell a suicidal person that his brother may die. I do not know what were they thinking.

When Wh called his parents crying about us today, they told him that his boxes were there. He asked them why did I do that. I can not remember what my MIL said her answer was but it was not what I said to her. That is why I do not have a mediator.

He TM me saying he will pickup the baby after he is done with the doctor. Then added that he is at walmart buying pants because he has not done his laundry. Too bad! I am sure he is expecting me to say come over and use the washer/dryer or maybe to feel bad he can not stop by and pickup his boxes to wear something clean because they are over an hour away at his parents <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Why do I have to love him so much! I do miss him a bit but not the turmoil that he brought to the house and my life. I feel at peace right now inside. Calm. Amazing feeling!

Love

Another day! I worked my parttime this morning. Then got home. My parents were here. Had lunch with them. They left.

My inlaws call me. The "doctor" my WH was seeing was the "witch"lady, furtune teller, whatever they are called, that my inlaws took me to see some time ago. They told him about having an accident in the truck (telling this to someone in his state of mind is not smart). According to this lady my wh had to take ow there to see her. then follow some things she will give him to do. then in 21 days take me and ow with him there again for whatever reason...YEP! In my mind there was no way ow was going there. Somehow she ended up going with wh today over there. I told my MIL that I was not going over there again at all so they could forget about it. They have to be insane and I hate saying that becuase I love my inlaws very much. They are just desperate to try to "save" my marriage to their son and keep playing all those wild cards. I am done with that. They said they were telling me becuase my wh said told them I was not talking to him so to please tell me.

Around 6PM WH TM that if he could get the baby. I TM back saying yes. Then something about him having to unhook the trailer from the truck to come over. Then that he was scared about watching the baby by himself. One thing after another. I TM that they would be ok. Finally WH TM back asking if i could bring the baby over to his hotel this one time.

The baby's bed time was gone by this time so to avoid handing him a cranky baby I got everything in the car and took the baby to him. Very upset but did not wanted to let him off the hook. He is going to take care of his son just like I do. I do not want only money from him. I want a dad for my son that is present in his life even if it sucks for me having his presence around while trying to plan B.

I get there. he wants me to come up (second floor) to show him how to open up the play pen. I am boiling at this point becuase the first time I did it I read the instructions. Why couldn't he? But to avoid LBing his behind and wanting to leave ASAP I went up quitely, got the thing set up for him and left to buy milk for the baby.

He wanted to come to the store to talk on the way becuase in one of the bags he opened were the first of many bills to come. He was not happy with the fact that instead of me keep taking money from his account to pay online the bills now I give them to him to write a check and mail. The secretary and bank teller are also on plan B <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I told him he agreed to keep paying what he owed from my credit and I was only taking what it was necessary to survive(power, water, morgage, food) until I found a job to support myself and the baby. He made it clear one more time that he will not leave me on the street and will help me as much as he can. I stayed quite becuase I do appreciate the support but I want to do this on my own and find my financial independece one more time. that was the talk in the car while I went to get milk.

He tried to tell me more about their visit to the "lady" today. I told him I was done with that.

I kissed the baby good night and he asked for a kiss for "the other baby". I tell him I already kiss the baby and Good night.

I avoided eye contact as much as I could. Cant stand seeing him. It hurts too much. Both beds were not made up. My stepson stayed with him last night. Today , becuase of where they were going, they sent SS to Disney with his cousin that is visiting town. Which leaves a time where his parents were not there. His son was not there BUT OW went to get him to go see "the lady". What do you make of that time?! I was just thinking, while in the room, which bed they used. ARggghhhh!I wanted to run out quick.

I am sure it will be easier to stick to plan B once we get the hang of the kids situation. My original plan was for WH to come over to my house with SS and SS will get off the car to pick up the baby and take it back to the car so I had NC with WH. Maybe it will work next time.

I know it was breaking plan B. I know it will get better once we get a schedule running. I am not going to beat myself for having contact. That was my major mistake for falling off the wagon before and not hoping back in. I would say that I messed up and forget about keep trying.Not this time. He even knows it. He called me a few times to ask question about feeding the baby and his PJ's etc. The he said asked if I wanted NC still. I said yes. Only to call me if something happens with the baby but otherwise NC.

LOL! While on the phone, having the above conversation, I heard him yelling NO! The baby had dropped his bottle in the toilet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I said, Yes, didn't you know that he loves the bathroom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LOL! Yep! Those two will have lots of fun. Maybe he will appreciate what I do here more.

Anyone outthere tonight! I feel so lonely! Talk to me please! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

love, I don't really know much about plan B but will be heading that way soon myself. Just wanted you to know someone was reading your journal and wishing you well.

I feel weird without my son. Slept mostly all night but woke up at times he usually does during the night. my mom found out this morning I let him be with his dad and I had to hear the speech. Trying to make me feel like a bad mother. I am not taking it from her. I told her i had a call in another line.

My WH TM late last night saying "he needed to get off his chest that he is feeling I hate him when he is only trying to be normal again. "

Since it was only him wanting to give me an emotional trip and it was not related to kids or money, I ignored the tm which i know in his eyes will make him feel like I do hate him for not answering.

Why does he feels that way! Becuase I MADE him take the kids, Because I gave him HIS bills to pay, Becuase I did NOT kiss him yesterday when I kissed the baby, Becuase I am sticking to plan B as much as I can. ....The list goes on. I will refer him back to plan B letter.

Then while on the phone with my mom, hearing her speech, he calls me to give me some more guilt. This time about my SS. " does SS bothers you for school". I told him no. That I will keep him until June when school is out becuase he needed to do better in school and needed follow up, and after that he can take him.

WH is acting like I expected at this point since he is realizing I mean it this time. It is suppose to feel like a divorce this time. It is going to be a separation. Not like before when he left over and over leaving clothes behind and not being held responsible for being a dad in his boys lives.

WH is so afraid of changes. I made so much changes in life to accomodate things as life goes on. He needs to take care of his kids. If I find a job that I have to work weekends, WH will be the babysitter. He does not know that yet. He may be thinking I will only get a job that is M-F days so he does not have to worry but I am looking for money so if it comes to me working on weekends, I will.

I printed again PBL to give it to him when I get the kids today. And wrote "re-read and save" on top.

I know that he is depressed and I hope that the kids do not absorve what he is feeling. I can picture him laying in bed all depressed and both kids playing in the hotel room by themselves.

He calls me just know about the baby's medicine (has a runny nose). I explained to him. I feel good that he has to focus in his kids and not only on him. Some people may see this like I want to get back at him using the kids and it is not like that. I want him to be present in his kids life like he has not been before. To get to know his kids bette. To understand the responsibility that comes with having kids.

I have had the kids with me even at my lowest points during this ordeal. I have had to put a straight face and forget about what I am feeling for a moment to take care of them first to later on take care of me. There were times where I would put them in the car for a ride so I could silently cry while I drove around to nowhere.

WH may be all like that know but I also picture my kids faces while being with their dad. I am sure they are happy to spend time with daddy. I love that they get to do that because I could see their happy faces and bright eyes that even if dad drives them around in his Semi, they will be happy with the experience. They will be happy just getting dad's attention.

Wh used to come in, rent a PS2 game for my SS and thought that was being a dad. Now he brings the baby stuff all the time but that will not make up for being present and spending time together. I think at the end it will benefit everbody, including myself.

Love

Love-

Don't feel guilty about having him take the baby, he's the baby's father. I don't see it as you trying to get back at him, he's an adult and he made his choices, and you're only making him live with them.

I think it's a great idea, I think you're still a little accomodating, like taking the baby there, and going to the store to buy the baby milk....he should have to do the dirty work too. Hand him a cranky baby.....you have to deal with the baby when he's cranky, right?

I understand how hard plan B is, especially when you are getting TM's and phone calls out the ying yang.....been there, done that. You're not staying very dark though. I know you have no intermediary, and I'm not trying to yell at you, because I do a terrible job at Plan B, and I don't have a baby...my daughter is 10...she can almost take care of herself, but my WH would call for the STUPIDEST reasons....and it was just to get his *fix*.

Your attitude is fantastic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Keep up the good work.

-Caren

Thanks for listening Caren

I admit that I was accomodating but it took some of the anxious feeling I had for leaving the baby there for the first time. Yes! of course I deal daily with a cranky baby. lots easier that dealing with cranky WH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know I am not staying too much in the dark. As much as I can. And I can not wait to have the baby back to go back to PB 100% and being dark again. I am actually looking forward to going back to PB and darkness. I feel it is my safe place to be. It bothers me that the baby is so small and his dad not used to him that I have to keep communitcation open when he is with dad. I do know it will not go for long. Once they visit more often then I do not have to take that many calls cause they will get use to each other.

WH just called me becuase ds is cranky, wont stop crying and is throwing everything wh gives him. Well, let's see. He has a baby that is up since 5AM and it is 10AM. Daddy did not get them bfast so baby eat donuts (sugar). Maybe he has a sleepy baby on a sugar high. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I gave him a couple of suggestions to get him to sleep but it is up to him to deal with his son.

To tell you the truth, I smell and excuse coming for next week for not picking up the kids or just the baby. Maybe "I thought I was only supposed to get him everyother weekend". It should be like that but I want him knowing his baby by the time I find a job in case I have to work weekends so I do not have to put up with these calls at work.

once again, thanks for posting Caren.

I posted on your thread too. You are doing good. stay strong. Love

Well, I worked today. Got a few calls minutes before going to work where I thought he wanted to drop the baby with me because he was fussy/cranky and WH did not know how to handle it.

I do not know but if it was the other way around I would not have called at all just to prove that I could do it by myself. I would have fake it as much as possible just so no one would think I can not handle it. When in doubt, fake it.

On my way home got a call from WH that he was at Walmart buying clothes for the kids and was ready to drop the kids at home.

I got home and he parks the semi in the driveway. I am like Hmmm! If he is just dropping them, he parks in front of the houses and does not bothers parking the 18 wheeler on the drive way. So, he parks, gets the kids out and around 10 bags. Got shoes for the kids, clothes, toy and even 2 outfits for me to work out. I ask him why and he says "so you can use them to work out". I told him that he did not have to.

He sits by the front door and starts talking about his brother and how he gave money to his dad to give to his brother. A second later he took of running . The baby went after him. Once I found my shoes and put them on I went to see what happened. He is sitting by the side of the house on the floor crying like a baby. The baby is on his side hugging him. Breaks my heart. You know all the drama WS produce. I am calling him my PBH (plan B husband) because it is still a WH but with the PB classic signs.

So, I let my PBH cry it out for a minute while rubbing his back. He finally calms down. I walk inside to finish supper. He goes and finish unloading the kids stuff from the truck.

I served the kids food and offered him some. He ate everything on the plate AND dessert. I was surprised. I do not think he had anything to eat today. I did not ask.

PBH wrote down a few chores for SS to get done during the week and takes off.

Later calls me and I do not pick up. Full PB again. He left a message reminding me that he gave the medication to the baby this morning and it was time to give it to him again.

I am trying to find out what can I do different to avoid having him hanging around after dropping the kids off.

I was ready to get him out of the house but then he started bawling about his brother that I melted. It would have been so different if we were together. I would have been able to hold him and make him feel better. Now I have to ACT like I do not care and like it does not make me sad to see him all broken up about his brother.

What can I do different next time? TM him to let him know to send my SS with the baby and stuff and not to get down from the truck. I think that may work and that will also send him the message that I do not want him around without really telling him so. I just needed to be prepared for it and I was not ready for drop off today. I just thought he would drop them and leave. Big mistake but it is a learning process after all so I will use it, not to break plan B but to improve it for next time he has the kids.

I am glad I am going back to darkness. It actually feels good.

love

PS, Caren you are right on how slow it is on weekends around here *sigh*

Ok, here is another day Thanks God!

Somehow I do not feel right this morning. Like I am a bit down but can not pinpoint to anything in specific. Gee, I wish I could get a job ASAP to sart keeping so busy that I had not time to hear myself think.

I am taking the baby to take his 18 mo physical today at the doctor's office.

I feel like spending some money in paint today. Painting the inside of my house will keep me busy for a couple of days. The smell of fresh paint will renew the energies too.

*sigh* I just do not feel like myself today. Why!? If I could pinpoint it to something I will fix it. It is like a feeling inside that something is not right. But I do not think it has to do directly with plan B. I do not feel is about plan B since I am actually feeling good about darkness. What else could it me? Maybe I am a bit anxious about finding a job and it is taking me down. I am not sure. Oh well! Got things to do so got to go for now.

Love

Here I am. Writing to myself again!

I took the baby to the doctor. Got his TB test sot he has to go back Wed AM to get his arm checked.

My phone broke down (the flip cover came off one corner and would not close properly). I drove to the mall to Nextel to get a new one. I was lucky the lady there exchange it for 35 bucks without having insurance. I went there ready to pay for a new one. My lucky day! See! not all too bad!

Then went to my toy store-Home Depot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and loaded up in paints for the inside of the house. Should have bought a ladder cause at 5'2" and a small step ladder I can only reach so high on my vaulted ceilings. The other rooms I have done I have managed to use borders and stuff like that to cut the height of the wall needed paint. I think I may have to use moldings to do that this time. It will be easier getting a taller ladder but with my climbing and balancing skills the way they are I am better off finding another plan to get those walls done and sticking to the 3 step ladder I currently own.

I hear my phone ring while out running errands. It is my PBWH. Left me a message on how he told OW that it was over and wanted to be alone and not hurt anyone else. That he was sorry for everything. That he was not asking me to take him back but just letting me know that he wants to work on himself at this time. That he told ow to go and date other people. That he was feeling so good today and positive for the first time in a long time and wanted to go to work today and was in the mood for it, etc ... a 4 plus minutes message. More that what he usually stays on the phone with me when I pick up.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I disregard the message.

Later on my phone rings and I answer. I did not recognized the number but since I am applying for jobs I was excited that it could be one of them. I pickup, yep, you guess right! My PBWH saying that he changed his cell number again (I think this is like the 4th or 5th time-I lost count, and by the way, ow always finds out so it never worked before).

He quickly tells me that he changed his number and was letting me know. I said ok and hung up.

Later, after I got home I got a TM from him asking about the baby being at the doctor today. I TM back that everything was ok.

Later he sends another TM that now that he took care of the baby alone, he understands what I go through and wanted to thank me for doing such a good job on taking care of the baby. Whatever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I ignored that one.

I do have to TM tommorrow to let him know about receiving his paycheck today. I will do it tommorrow instead of sending one today that I got it and another tommorrow that I deposit it with the new balance on the account. I do not want to bother twice with that. Actually, I think he needs to get his own bank account even if it becomes a pain trying to get money from him since he is never around and having to change all the things that come out automatic from his account. I will think about it. Maybe once I start working I will have him make those changes.

I can not wait until tommorrow to start spreading color to the walls. Love it! Too bad I am running out of space. Now, if you were thinking about inviting me over to get your place done, think twice. I said I love doing it,not that I am good at it. I am a very messy painter. Not to mention those stupid textured walls that you can not draw a straight line in them. GRRR! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Oh well, another day at plan B the best I could. I am not going to beat me up for contact today. It has to get better with time. I think he will actually start getting the point at some point. Right! Right?? Mmmm! Not! I guess I just have to learn from mistakes and plan better to prevent the same error twice.

It seems slow on this board tonight. Hope everyone is ok.

Love

Love-

Hi there, I had to post to you, can't have you talking to yourself all the time.

What were the conditions for your WH's return, in the PBL? Just wondering how many of them he'd met.

How are your walls looking?? I hate doing anything like that, it drives me nuts. I just want to get it over with as soon as possible. I am not the decorator in the family, that's my WH.
I didn't even hang the pictures in my house, WH did that one day when he was here watching DD10.

How is the baby?? Good I hope.

Okay well just didn't want you to think you were all alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

"What were the conditions for your WH's return, in the PBL? Just wondering how many of them he'd met."

Caren, he needed to stop all contact with ow and get help. I do not even consider what he said today as progress. I have been here before with him many times. Only time will tell so plan B still in effect.

"How are your walls looking??"

Caren my walls will eventually look better. I just recently started painting since D-day. We built this house 3 years ago and never had the time to do anything with it. There was almost nothing hanging on the walls and all white. After d-day I figured I could relief my stress with that so here I am. Still painting and decorating. Of course, the money is not always there. Like today's visit to Home depot was a courtesy of my PBWH who does not knows yet about the gift he just gave me today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The baby is doing well. Just a follow up from his cold last few weeks and his 18 month check up.

Thanks for asking and for posting. I was missing you around here tonight. Hope you are doing well.

Love

love,

personally I think you are doing a great plan B considering the fact that you have a small child. I can feel great strength in you and you really know what you want, so hang in there !

I hadn´t read your thread and don´t post much, because I am also in plan B but a dark one. So there is nothing to tell. Patience is all I have to have and hope.

From now on I will read your thread and answer so that you know someone is listening.
How I envy you the painting. I wish I had the guts!

I don´t think you should go to the¨"fortune teller" or whatever. In my case OW and her family are all involved in that kind of thing, but I refuse to even acknowledge it. Trust Jesus.

I hope you can get a good job.

Keep writing, I´m sure it helps. I write a diary, started it on my laptop and now the laptop crashed! so I went back to good paper and pencil but I hope to recover the stuff on the disk. I have my plan B letter there, which I have reread several times these past 2 1/2 months. I hope to recover it.

Anyway, just to give you soime encouragement because I think that you are doing a great job!


cc

Hi Again Love-

So, you seem to be in good spirits <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So, you mentioned earlier (I think) that english is a 2nd language for you, what's your first language? You do a fantastic job with english, by the way. I don't know a 2nd language at all.

Are you planning on teaching the baby your first language as well as english? Little ones pick up language quicker than we do, the younger the better. You know they are saying now, that babies can do sign language, if you teach it to them, WAY before they are able to talk. I wish I'd thought of that when my kids were little. Ya know you could just learn some signs, and teach them the sign for Mom, the sign for milk...etc.

My youngest one is 10, but I have a 13 year old, and a 19 year old, ALL GIRLS...man lemme tell you how much fun that is...lol.

Well take care hon, just wanted to say Hi.

-Caren

Well! Busy day today. I painted for most of the day. I was so into it that forgot to go the the bank to deposit PBWH check until after 2PM. opps!

I got the kitchen done and the dinning room. my parents were here so they watched the baby.
I still have to do the entry, hall and family room with the paint I bought.

On my way back from the bank, my MIL calls me to intervene (sp?). Says PBWH does not want to know anything about ow and it is feeling positive about his decision, blah, blah, blah. I told her it is good if he feels good but he is Not coming back home yet. She said that she told him to call me to tell me that himself and he said I am not talking to him (no body but you MBers understand and support that decision of NC in Plan B so I am alone outhere in the real world with this one). I said I am sticking to my words on that one and I am actually feeling better this way.

I had to TM today about his deposit and balance. The system was not working so I had to call him. Big Mistake. He sounded upset with work and all cold while I was talking to him. Upset the check was not what he expected. etc. That is why I like plan B, cause I do not have to listen or feel his moods. Next time I will wait until the stupid system works again to TM him.

CC Thanks for your post. It is good to know that others feel strenght in me that I do not feel sometimes. As far as knowing what I want .....I want to save my marriage, and make it better, I want peace, I want a job and financial independence, I want to be there for my kids and family. I want lots more too.

CC you say you envy me painting. No big deal. You do not need to have guts. It is only paint. If you do not like it you change it. That is what I tell my PBWH who is afraid of color. My baby's room is light green. My kids bath is blue with one wall sponged in darker tone of blue and decorated with yellow ducks. My SS room is all Nascar. My Living room is burgundy furniture with rose and light pink walls. Kitchen is mint green, dinning is mustard yellow and light yellow with grapes and wine as decoration. My master bedrm is a red wall, other walls white and decoration is red, black and gold with roses. Maybe too much color for some people <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Af far as the furtune teller, I am trying to stay away from her. I do not like that stuff. I do trust Jesus.

As far as diaries. I am in my 8th journal since all this started. It helps a lot.

Caren, my main language is Spanish. My baby is 18 months and do not talk much because he has two languages to learn. Spanish at home and English outside. I do speak both to him. I tried the sign language but I forget to follow up and you have to follow up a lot to get it right. I am lazy I guess. Takes too much time. Maybe if I paint less I could focus more on sign language. The truth is that I need to focus on learning the language and with all this stuff going on I am in outer space most of the day.

Love

I just got PBWH all upset.

PBWH TM trying to explain how meeting OW at the mall was casual on Sunday after he dropped the kids. I did not know what he was talking about. I guess his mom try to mention something to me on the phone today but due to plan B I did not really pay attention and now he wants to explain.

He tells me in his TM that he did not plan to see ow but most likely I would not believe him cause he know trust damaged and if I thought we could not rebuild it to let him know that he will give me the divorce but that there is a say about never giving up.

I tm back saying something about him needing to figure out what he wants.

Then he TM back with a bunch of bs he got from listening to HNHN audio tape about what he wants is being in love and be happy by getting his needs met(notice how he puts himself in first place) to fall in love again and for him to meet the needs of the person he decided to be with (notice how my name was not mentioned)to rebuild the fire.

I heard blah,blah, blah.

Same stuff he gave me in the past except now he has some marriage builder stuff to hit me with so I think he is in the right track. He needs to prove (like I told his mom)that he could use his so call "time alone" wisely(staying away from ow and getting help).

So I TM back saying that he decided that he wanted to be alone for a while and I decided I wanted to do Plan B. AND that if he had any questions on where I stood or how I felt to read his letter again.

He TM back saying " I guess we each have a plan, good night"

Do you think I got to his nerves! Did I push that one too far.

I can not trust anything he says yet. He has a lot to prove. He saw Ow last on Sunday so I can not believe that this time it is going to be different since he has not even started withdrawl from her yet. Yes he changed his number but I know since I got to him today in a bad way, he will use it as an excuse to call her now. He needs to own his choices because I can NOT Make Him Do Anything even if he tries to use my behavior as an excuse. (giving myself therapy here which I do a lot).

I know I should not let him get to me but <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ARgghhhh! Typical PBWH behavior.

In case I am wrong, should I belive he really wants to change this time around.

I am afraid too because I am even happier in Plan B and not knowing what he is up to than when I hear from him so I am afraid plan B has come to late for me and He may be losing me already.

I still love him but I am so tire of all this patterns that he repeats that at this point it is almost like "what now"/ " oh well" attitude from me. I scared myself with that. It is like if I did not care even though deep inside I do but I am tired too so it confuses the heck out of my feelings and where I feel I should stand.

Please talk to me! Love

Hi L,
spanish is my first language also so feel free to swear!

I think you are really doing a great plan B.
The problem with that (as it is with my plan B) is that there is nothing to tell about the relationship because there is none! According to Dr. Harley, that is what it is supposed to be. In any case, I feel better in the sense that I have my self respect and dignity. I could not imagine myself getting into discussions about OW or the money he spends etc. I leave that up to Jesus. He'll reap what he sows, I'm not the one to take revenge.
I've always tried to teach my kids not to be resentful and to forgive. Now I have to do that, because it is what I believe has to be done. But if I weren't in plan B it would be very difficult not to accuse WH of spending money, and time etc with OW... so I'm thankful.

Actually I'm terrified of seeing him or talking to him. I avoid all places where he might be. Someday I guess my love will be gone and I won't care anymore. It has been 2 1/2 months of plan B with no contact.

Sometimes I think I should not get on MB for a while. I try to limit the time I spend on here but at this moment I have little work to do. I will be very grateful when that changes and I can get on with my life . MB is an addiction too.

Well, keep posting and at least I will be listening and answering you.

Suerte!