Dear 'Lost71'.
Since reading your message on 'chtr's' thread, I can't seem to get it off my mind...I feel troubled.

And I want you to know that I know nothing about the kind of situation you are in...I don't know any married man that has a child with a woman outside his marriage.
I am only talking to you from my heart as a wife, mother of four and grandma of eight.

This is the message I am referring to:
I'm in day 5 of NC with OW, and I can definitely relate to how you feel. The circumstances are a little different -- my W has filed for divorce, we are separated -- but I've resolved that permanent NC with OW is necessary even though she's pregnant with my baby."


Somehow it seems if the OW is pregnant by you, it is no longer just a simple NO CONTACT...I know you are a GOOD man and a man of integrity and want to do the right thing.
Plus you still desperately want to save your marriage. True?

However, rejecting this woman you've known for 3 years, now that she is carrying YOUR CHILD doesn't quite seem the noble way to go, you have responsibilties now that you made her pregnant.

ABSOLUTELY STOP THE AFFAIR BUT AT THE SAME TIME NOT REJECT THIS CHILD SHE IS CARRYING.

This baby is HALF YOURS....This child will be your son or daughter for always, all through the years....As a baby, then a toddler, young child, older child, teenager, young adult and grown up person....FOR ALWAYS....Your OW you were involved with, will be the one having the parenting responsibility for a lifetime, whether you decide to be a part of the child's life or not.

Of course you will have to pay child support but kids need more than money from their dads.
Would you want him or her to live a life of regret not knowing who his father is? Plus, you would be missing out if you deny him. He or she will perhaps have your mother's personality or your dad's eyes and hair color.

NO CONTACT with the OW will not make this go away; it has happened and you may have to take a different course with your life than you would want to take.

'Lost71', I am only speaking from my heart and do not know what is best.
I will look on the Home Page and see if Harley has anything to say on children born outside of marriage.

Anyone here at MB, please add your thoughts.

VERY VERY sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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<small>[ March 01, 2005, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Shouldn't he find whether the child is his before he makes any decisions? We all know that OW never lie of course

BT - Lost has been posting on the Pg boards.

Please understand that this is a decision not made lightly.

This is also something he thinks is in the best interest of his wife and their family.

Also, the OW is very much a drama diva (beyond queen) and it is Lost's decision at this time to stay away from her. The baby will be born regardless...RIGHT NOW is the time he's chosen to work on his marriage.

Shoulda, coulda, wouldas have no place in his life right now. He MUST do this for the sake of his marriage and his sanity.

I do not know your story BT, or if you have an OC in the picture, but if you don't, you cannot imagine the agony for all involved. Personal opinions aside, this is only a decision that Lost and his Wife can make.

- Kimmy

BT,

Lost has no responsibilty to the OW IMO.He most certainly does(and wants to)to the unborn OC IF it's his(DNA pending).But,I have spent a good deal of time reading on the Preg boards to understand that situation and I feel that if Lost really wants to try and save his marriage and ultimately his W changes her mind and stops the D,then Lost's commmittment is to his WIFE and marriage first and foremost.

This OW knew that he was married and it is her consequence to face that he does not want to continue contact with her.He is a married man and it's NOT to the OW.I have not gone through that particular situation personally but I have absolutely no sympathy at all for an OW who willingly gets involved with a married man and then wonders why things don't turn out as perfect as they hope.Yes lost had his role too but when it comes to contact,it is his choice whether or not to keep it.She will have to accept that and to my understanding,it isn't going too well now that he is attempting to do the right thing here and pull away from her.

No contact with the OW can be done even if the OC is Lost's.But like Kimmy said,it will be the choice of Lost and his W what they will do.The OW has no say in that matter as far as I am concerned.

JMVHO.

O

O is right! Just because she is pregnant with Lost's child, so she says, there is absolutely NO REASON whatsoever that he needs to be in contact and I think him ending contact NOW is far better than when the child is born...If he decides that he wants the child in his life, then that is HIS choice and his choice alone! There are many people who have NC with the OC...and there are many people who have contact with the OC...it is up to the individual...when an OC is involved it becomes a whole new ballgame altogether...it is one that I wish NO ONE had to endure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />