Well today starts the new begining for me and the FWW who is also posting on MB and looking for guidance on becoming a Very Strong FWW.

Right now she is at work and will be home at 6:30pm and hopefully tonight will be nice. I told her No R talk lets just have a nice night with the kids and a nice dinner.

I have my doubts but then again did'nt we all. My IC say's this is a good thing and that what I am fearing is normal and with time it should go away. FWW told me she will start and continue to be Radically Honest and will answer any questions I may have.

Right now I have none so thats a good start. She told me the withdrawl this time is not so bad because she really does not care if she ever see's XOM again.

Well I hope all of you who have followed my story wish me kuck and help me through this. I know I can count on all of you.


( edited to add email notifications )

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: Mschluter ]</small>

May the Lord bless you in this journey. Did you see my question on your old thread?

I answered your question on my old thread. I plan on just letting that thread die so I can bring hope and happiness into this new thread. The old thread is a symbol of what was wrong this one is a dream of what can be with all of your help..

Update...

Well FWW is home now she showed up earlier then expected and her family with her. Right now I am giving her some time with the children so she can adjust. Her family tried talking her out of this but she seems very sincere.

She told me that she loves me and she started to cry, She told me right in front of her Family that she does not like who she has become and with my help and my love she hopes I can help her find herself again and build a new Marriage from the foundation of the old.

I'm a little nervous but I am hopeful...I will keep you updated.

Freaking snow here, when will it ever stop....Thank God for the creation of the PLOWGUY.....LOL

I got tired just watching him Plow my driveway...

I'm pulling for you, Michael - and praying of course for you and your family. I really think it's going to be alright.

You, my friend, have had some bad days and may have some more in the future - but just talk to one another even if it's a bad day - just tell her how your feel. I think that you can help each other to heal.

Ken

Micheal:

NOt much to say to you buddy...except a big good luck and best wishes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I hope that you get everything that you wished for. You know how the old saying goes right......?

PLease realize that YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE for what happens in your life. This is not a judge dictating your life by lifting the protection order or anything like that. YOU NEED TO ACCEPT 100% responsibility for what happens here on out and in your life and to your children. YOu are CHOOSING to let your WW come home now after essentially being in NC for 5 days. YOu are knowingly choosing this my friend. I hope that you understand the real implications of what ou are doing and what you are allowing your children to be exposed to IF things go sour again. I can only assume that you do.

I hope that this is the right decision for you and your children. I know that you want this bad, so I am not gonna rain in your parade my good friend with thoughts and opinions that you obviosuly don't want to hear (for the record, I wouldn't either if I was you). I wish you luck in this. I really do. I am gonna always be lurking in the background rooting you on.

In am million years I would NOT be doing what you are doing if everything that happened to you happened to me.... but we are all free to make our own decisions, and we must live with the consequences. YOU will need to live with the consequences. Hopefully those consequences are a new marriage and healing for your beautiful children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will leave it at that. YOu need good thoughts and hopes.

Good luck !!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Your friend always,

LM

Things went very well with Me and Fww...

We even started a Joint thread that we both feel comfy discussing and sharing with MB. We are hoping that none of are personal threads find there way to the joint thread.

FWW went to bed and told me she Loved me..This has been a long time coming and I feel good.

I know some of you and myself included do not feel strongly about FWW or WW coming home. I feel better then I did a few hours ago. We had a nice talk and she is willing to do this. She seems really positive she has what it will take to fill my love bank and fix this marriage and make it better and stronger then the old one.


LEMONMAN:

Your Opionion will only matter if you speak it freely on my thread. I would feel horrible if you stop posting on my thread.

I value your thoughts, I need to better understand your thoughts on this and would love to hear them, so please don't be shy, Lay it on me...

Michael,

I posted a message of encouragement & support to both you and your W on the joined thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Suzet

Hi Michael,

Well I too am happy for you! If both of you are posting that can only be a great thing. Especially for your WW/FWW. I hope she will see the pain that she has caused you (see but probably won't truly ever see) and I hope she gets the help here from the other FWW that she sorely needs. Like I said I can't help but feel very hopeful for your M, since your WW/FWW is posting here.

GOOD LUCK! However watch her actions and not her words brother! You know the drill, slow and steady, smooth is fast!

Native

You have a hopeful green shoot there.
Trust but verify.

Mike in my experience life gets a bit woolly now.

During a war, WINNING the war is all that is important. But what does a 'peace' look like?

Objectives become less well defined and obvious.

Also my prayers:

Just after d-day
"Lord, just bring her back to me. Nothing else is important"

When the affair stopped but calls continued
" Lord just make her stop talking to OM, nothing else matters"

Then when NC had been established for a while

"Lord make her love me, nothing else matters"

Then when intimacy begins to be restored

"Lord make her recognise the hurt she's done me and apologise for it, nothing else matters"

Then when life begins to assume some semblance of normality after a few months:

" Lord let her attend MC and IC, make her appreciate me more, let her meet my ENs, make her remember somthing about OM that disgusts her, let her agree with my opinion of him, let her take responsibility for her affair, let her start to work REALLY hard on me for a while, let her bake me an onion tart, let her kiss me before I kiss her, let her........nothing else matters"

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

See ? As you recover you will begin to sweat the smaller stuff. This is a rollercoaster Mike, but the small loops can be scary as well as the big ones.

Keep calm and retain a little of yourself from investment in your M until you are sure of it once more.

All blessings.

Well today was a good morning so far. As I wrote in the Joint thread I got up extra early and made breakfast for the whole family and kissed the Fww goodbye as she left to take the boys to school and then off to work herself.

I have plenty of fears on this whole thing but I am looking at her actions not her words.

The children seem happy that mom is back, She comes across as very sincere and late last night she had a major cry attack because she feels so much pain for all the hurt she has caused me and the children and she wants to make it up to us.

Me I am feeling really strong and will continue on my Journey to a better health and a better state of Mind.

I will not allow anything she does to effect me the way it did before.

I do need some advice on what are a few good boundries to set and how to better implicate them.

I want to be fair with her but I also do not want her to fall off the wagon and come up with some lame excuse like " WELL MB say's it happens "

This time around there is no room for even one lapse.

Right now I have two things that I ask of her and one boundrie.

1) Be radically Honest with me at all times and no secrets.

2) ( Boundry ) If you have any contact with OM in any way shape or form. I will take the kids and leave... And this time you will not be allowed back in the house once you are removed.

Any thoughts...

Michael, You are so strong and forgiving and I am awed by you. The only thing I would add is the POJA concept for now. Go slow. Your boundary says it all. She knows that way it is all up to her. {michael}

May I suggest a slight change to your boundary? As you have it written now, you have put her in a place where even the slightest contact seems to have devastating results. She will lie to you about ANY contact that occurs.

I'd suggest that you modify it.
If she INITIATES contact, there will be consequences. If there is other kinds of contact (inadvertent, email, etc), then she must tell you immediately.

You have to give her a win path if you expect her to be honest.

Low

Well wife has been at work and is coming home for Lunch... I am a little nervous.. I am ahving serious doubts but I am not going to share them with her. I need to give this time.

I do feel stronger.. I think it's natural to feel worried, I don't think my dream of her being in contact with OM helped me at all.


faithful follower:


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The only thing I would add is the POJA concept for now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not really sure what this concept is, Where can I find a link so I can read up on it?



Michael, You are so strong and forgiving and I am awed by you.


MSCHLUTER <------- Face turns Red and looks all shy....

Thank you, it's with the help of friends like you that have given me the strength to do this.


I still am unsure of any other boundries that should be set in place?



LowOrbit :


May I suggest a slight change to your boundary? As you have it written now, you have put her in a place where even the slightest contact seems to have devastating results.


I understand what you are saying and if you look back on my other Journals you will find that on many occassions ( 8 D-Days ) I always forgave her for her making contact. FWW needs to understand that this is no longer a game of what she can get away with and what she can. If OM contacts her I will gladly help her though it, But on her part she is never to contact OM in any way shape or form. Will I actually take the children and walk out... YOU BET... I have Full Custody of the children and can do what I see fit with them since her being found guilty by CPS.


She will lie to you about ANY contact that occurs.


Won't she Lie either way, in the past she lied about everything and never had a moment of feeling to be honest, so this time around, I am not forgiving at all if she were to make contact.


Need Help with setting Boundries..

Good luck Michael, I am happy for you.

Update:

I feel stronger today...Cindy1970 called me quite a bit today from work, this surprised me. She even called to let me know she was on her way home and that she was stopping at the local BB to drop off a movie,

As soon as she came in the door she made me a cup of coffee and then gave me a kiss and asked me how my day was.

She is upstairs making dinner right now.

OCTOBERGIRL:


Where are you...

UPDATE:

today I am having a so so day. Cindy1970 wrote me a letter on the joint thread and it made me feel so much better. We seem to be getting a lot of support so far.

I still have my doubts as to how fast this is moving.

She tells me she is not having any withdrawls this time around and that her feelings for Om are fading..Is this possible?

I told her I do feel like at times she is playing a game with me and the children but then she shows me with an action that she is very serious about saving this Marriage.

I need help setting up some serious boundries this time around..

Grrrrrrr

getting upset and don't understand why...

I am having a very rough afternoon, My fww has not called me all day. She called me ten times yesterday and not once today..

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Maybe I am making a mistake after all

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mschluter:
<strong> I am having a very rough afternoon, My fww has not called me all day. She called me ten times yesterday and not once today..

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Maybe I am making a mistake after all </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Slow down there. Do not jump to conclusions. I did and my conclusions have been wrong.

You guys are VERY, VERY early on with your current sitch. It will be a roller coaster for while.

You are going to have to look at the micro-steps that get taken by both of you and accept that as progress. Assume that anything that looks like giant leaps forward are actually very, very small steps forward. Expect some back sliding as well.

Ever heard of 2 steps forward and 1 step back?...

The position you are in stinks, but you chose to be in that position now you must find the strength let give your M a second change and a fair go at it.

Good luck!