Haven't started any new threads lately, so not sure where to begin. I have been trying to follow MB principles, trying to control what is admittedly a very bad temper. And had a lot of success. I dont know if its the new anti-d's (doctor prescribed trazadone) or if I finally calmed down and "let go" so to speak ,you know, gave up trying to control my h's affair. I stopped trying to please him, I developed my own interests and just "stopped" thinking of him and her every waking moment of the day. I would go whole days without calling him, only to get a call from him mad because i didnt call. H came home on dec. 29th. Little by little ow was leaving our life, only to pop her big ugly head in once in jan. and once three weeks ago when i found her credit cards in h's wallet. I calmly cut them up into 1000 pieces and threw them into the air. H was mad at the time, according to him because he didnt want me finding anymore reasons to leave him. Truth? I dont know. All I do know is that no contact finally agreed to and letter sent, our friends who knew about all this and thought we were divorced are calling me again and saying "Im so happy you 2 are back together, come over anytime! bring your dd!" i ask how did you know this? they say H is telling everyone who will listen that he loves his wife and dd ,that we are back together that he is the stupidest man on the face of the earth and he's so happy that i gave him another chance. And these are ow's relatives for god's sake. He went out and rented a beautiful and i mean BEAUTIFUL apartment for us that will take our dogs ( i love my puppies) and we spent all day today shopping for brand new furniture.

what if this is a false recovery though? He is loving to me again, calls me all the time, stares into my eyes and tells me "I love you so much, thank you." I feel my real H, the man I married is back. Someone said something a while ago, I think it was Lemonman that maybe our ws's are flawed to begin with, that they are faithful for a little while before they revert back to their real personalities. I dont know why, but this haunts me.

Shelly

I am glad to hear your status !

I have concluded that recovery is a journey not a destination for a long time after NC is in place.

Maybe at some point in the future I will once again invest my everything in Squid, but not yet. For now I enjoy the good days, but am objective enough to manage the bad days. Still moving through recovery watching the changes in Squid's heart and actions.

As for YOU Shelly, I think you should enjoy your H's new behaviour ! They seem to be the actions of a man who loves you !

But as Reagan used to say uding the cold way " Trust BUT VERIFY". Stay alert to protect both your heart and your seedling recovery.

It is perfectly RIGHT to enjoy day-to-day married life. Just don;t ASSUME it yet until you've had a good long time of excusively recovering/recovered behaviour.

YES you're already an MB success story ! Getting where you are took grit and smarts.

WELL DONE !

Thanks B.P. It feels good to be with him again, and im just like you, im not investing everything i have in our marriage again, at least not right now, it almost destroyed me when all this happened. Oh, I have read your posts and i wonder, if its all right to ask, why do you call your wife "squid"? Ive never thought of slimy squids as too cuddly, LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Shelly, when we first met we hit it off making each other laugh. We were both barely 18.

She had a terrible cold, so when i asked " whats your family name?" She replied " It's Quinn".

With her cold it sounded like " Id Squid". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We rolled around laughing and she took my heart right there.

She's been Squid to me ever since.

Ahhh thats so cute "Squid" and tonight I needed "cute". hehe! Thanks for sharing that. And Shelly, thanks for sharing your success and your caution as you have given me cautious hope which is also something I also need, just to get through another hour right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok now i understand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Thats funny! Yes T, I had lost all hope myself at one point, just keep up with the plans and working on you, it works.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shelly_3:
<strong> Someone said something a while ago, I think it was Lemonman that maybe our ws's are flawed to begin with, that they are faithful for a little while before they revert back to their real personalities. I dont know why, but this haunts me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Shelly - This almost sounds like "Once a cheater, always a cheater"... I agree that all of us are flawed to some degree or another, but I do believe that it's possible to recover from an A and for the WS to never cheat again...

I think that as you and you H rebuild your m, that one of the things that you both must do is find ways to protect your M and each other from infidelity...

Congratulations to both of you... it sounds like you're doing well...

Semper Fi,
RIF

Thanks RIF! Right now im busy packing, i have put it off until the last minute and now H is moving our new furniture into our new place and coming to get us and what were taking from here within the hour. And i only just started <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .I keep taking little breaks to post this or that, to follow up on previous posts, or maybe im just procrastinating. its going to be hard for me to be without a computer until they turn my new phone on. (sigh) back to work.