Found out yesterday where I will be going next (I am in the Navy, stationed in Italy). I will be going to a ship in San Diego, really good job for me career wise, plus it is a ship that I would like to go to. Would have preferred Norfolk for the family, but nothing was available for me when I am scheduled to rotate. Plus, looks like I am leaving here in June, a couple months early, which is good as I am really over Italy. Also, OM was an Italian, so moving completely eliminates him from the picture forever. So, thats the good news.

Unfortunately, the good news leads to the bad news. I knew the W did not want to go to SD, schools are bad, cost of living is super high, high crime and we just don't like California very much. She basically said she did not want to go. Said she would move back to TX and get a job there. Did not want to be left alone in SD. Now, I will be gone alot, up to 6-7 months at a stretch, so where she is when the ship is underway is irrelevant to me. But, when the ship is in port, she and my girls won't be with me. Says she does not feel safe in SD, and I know that is true.

I dunno, maybe this is a good thing, being a apart for a while. We agreed if we do this, we are still married, no dating, and we tell people we are still married. My orders will be for 2 years, so it is not an eternity, and then I can leave SD. My concerns are that when I do leave SD, she will have a job, and I am afraid she will not want to move. She will be in her home state, around friends, might be easy to not go with me.

Any ideas how to make this work? I was wanting to get MC when we returned to the states, but that will be on hold if we are apart. Anyone think this can work?

My H and I have lived apart for over 5 years. Some bad circumstances (his serial cheating only ONE of the major issues we were facing) had us leave where we lived. I went back to our home area, he moved to another country...where unbeknownst to me, he continued cheating. I should not have been surprised, even though he promised he wouldn't. That was early on in our "separation". Silly me, AGAIN I thought it was over. Found out there was an OW again, in 2003. She visited him 2x where he lives (tropical island), and slept in my bed, used my towels (eeewwwww). He visited her once where she lives (only about 5 hour drive from home...he didn't come and visit us). I am devastated again. He said "it was a long time ago"....well, 2003 is not that long ago...and I just found out about it, so it's new to me.

He is sorry. Sadly, I really think he IS sorry. But what he feels today will not necessarily be reflected in his behaviours in the future.

If your wife is a serial cheater, being alone would increase her chances of cheating again. If she has made one mistake, and IF you are feeling comfortable that she is truly remorseful, then maybe she should be with her family while you are gone for 6-7 mos. at a time.

Maybe you two need to come to terms that when this is finished in two years, she and the kids will make all efforts to move where you are.

Being apart is tough! (but I understand her not wanting to live somewhere that she feels unsafe in, and with bad schools...not to mention the expense).

shameless bump...this got shuffled to the 2nd page awfully fast...

I guess I see it differnt then some. To me ,and that does not mean that I am right, when you love someone you follow them. If you are a serial cheater (that is my HUsband) you definitely need to live with your spouse. In my situation and every situation is different if My HUsband lived by himself for even 2 months I know he would not be fiathful to anyone. He hates being alone, he loves comfort & companionship, he loves sex (it is like air to him), and he hates being alone. If we were trying to make it work then we had to live apart for a couple of months I can guarantee he would cheat.