Recently my WW and I talked about how she now feels about the affair specifically what feelings she currently has toward the OM.
D-Day was Nov 31 04.
I said to her I know that being close and intimate with someone for two plus years builds feelings and this I understood but how do you feel now.
Her response was that she has no feelings for him. There is nothing that she feels toward him.
It has been a week now since this discussion and I have mulled the conversation over in my head a dozen times. Each time I do I remain confused about how someone could of been emotionally and sexually intimate for that length of time and within three months have no feelings whatsoever toward him.
Does this make sense or is it just me not understanding the dynamics of that part of the affair?

SM

She may be trying to minimize it so as to not hurt your feelings. I stopped asking my W about OM, she is way too honest! So, careful what you wish for.

betrayed man
Thanks for the response.
Maybe this is so, I do not know. All I know is when I do ask a question I want the complete truth no matter how it may hurt. The answer I got just appears on the surface to be a non-answer so you may be right.

SM

Each time I do I remain confused about how someone could of been emotionally and sexually intimate for that length of time and within three months have no feelings whatsoever toward him.

no matter the length of time affairs take a huge amount of energy in thought...emotion...and action....

that a WS place a lot if not all of their focus on the OP...it feeds the love machine....as it takes from the marriage...

the thing you asked about do not exist within a vacuum...they existed in direct proportion to how much energy she placed in to feeding the emotion...

now that she has withdrawn all actions of this...
the feeling most likely have and do diminish..

while we all may see someone in our lives who we think is attractive...we do not just upon sight have feelings of emotional bonding and love...

that is the action part...

if your wife has withdrawn the actions that fed the emotions..then she may feel nothing...

so it is possible...
and not necessarily a negative thing...

I would advise you not to hang yourself in emotional details which can change....

and to make you sure you slurp your wife up for sharing what she does with you..to reinforce how much you appreciate it....and make it safe and safer for her to share more and more....

ARK

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 06:44 AM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

SilentMisery,

As a FWW who has been in withdrawal and struggled with residual feelings for XOM for a very long time after my involvement ended, I can understand your concern about this… Your W is still very early in her personal recovery and you’re afraid that you W still having feelings for OM and missing him, but keeping it a secret from you and probably lying to you about it (probaly because she's afraid to hurt you)… Well, although this is a possibility, I also don’t want you to jump to wrong conclusion unnecesarily… Withdrawal is not the same for each person and it affects each person differently. For some people withdrawal is very long and intense (like it was for me), but some FWS’s have a very short withdrawal period and some others don’t even experience withdrawal at all (no or very short withdrawal periods is not very common, but it do happen to some FWS’s). The following threads will be helpful – please read it. I’m sure it will give you some reassurance on this:

Did any other FWS not go through withdrawal?

Do all WH's experience "Withdrawal Phase" from OW?

I know the last link is about a FWH in withdrawal from a OW, but it will still be helpful & insightfull for you to read.

Hope this can help! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 06:57 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

I was with my XW for over 20 years and produced two boys yet I have no feelings for her anymore.

I was and am Like you betrayed I wanted to know everything and now five D-Days later I feel we are on the right path to a true recovery. FWW went through horrible withdrawals the first few times and this time she is having very few if any. I also had my doubts but further conversation with her and Her family have proven to me that she is very serious about us working through this and her saving our Marriage.

My FWW started her A in May "04" and it went EA on Nov 5th "04" and ended officially once and for all in Feb of "05"

My Fww write on here as well and we have a joint thread we started to help us air out are thoughts and feelings with the help of everyone.. I wish you the best.

Please take the time and listen to your ww and give her hope where there may be none, this will feed her soul with hope.

Old Army Saying " KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS "