Want other opinions

Is kissing another person other than your spouse the same as your spouse kissing, talking, and moving to the level of a sexual relationship with another woman the same.
I was in a situation where I kissed another man during a low time in our relationship. It was stopped and went no further. I was asked "Could it have". I said at that time "I don't know". I guess that is why I can understand how your affair started. I never condoned this adultry. The worst part was the out right lying over and over as well as mental & emotional abuse.
I told him about what happened for different reasons. 1. so he could understand why I did with him. 2. he could feel and understand the kind of pain I was in. 3.be honest as well.

I wish now I had not done it. He said I was just as quilty in a sense because I did this a while back (2yrs ago) and never told it. It was crossing a line and was about the same thing.
I told him, yes I knew it was wrong to be kissing and developing a relationship with someone other than him, that is why I stopped it. I don't consider the two the same. I tried to tell him, but at that point in our relationship we were talking at each other instead to each other. He says I cheated on him. I don't see it that way. What do other think. Please give some feedback.

At this point, we have stopped talking about the past and are moving forward in a positive way and talking to each other. Part of me wonders if he feels that his wrong is , I don't know the words "an even clean slate"????????

Jenny,

In my opinion, a married woman kissing another main is in a physical affair - to what degree, I suppose it depends on whether it was just some guy at a bar and you don't even know his last name or if it was somebody you work with and have spent many hours talking with.

Just my opinion.

What matters is taking responsibility for what you have done, and making sure it never happens again. Don't tell your H "I did no wrong". That's really not going to help your marriage.

-AD

Double post.

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 11:33 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Thank you for the reply. I felt is was wrong and knew it was wrong. I feel if you would not do something with your husband or significant other standing right there, then maybe you should not do it at all.
Is kissing the same as sex in what you called a "physical affair". I know wrong is wrong, but it seems to me that sex was crossing more lines.
Thanks,
Jenny <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thank you for the reply. I felt is was wrong and knew it was wrong. I feel if you would not do something with your husband or significant other standing right there, then maybe you should not do it at all.
Is kissing the same as sex in what you called a "physical affair". I know wrong is wrong, but it seems to me that sex was crossing more lines.
Thanks,
Jenny <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

JB,

IMHO the most damage from an A comes from the lies, the lost of trust. The worst concequence of my FWW A is that I can't trust her now. She hurt me and didn't tell me, and she probably is still hidding things from me now (all I can hope that this things are about her past and not her present). In that sence an EA is just as bad as any PA. Trust is lost and that's the bottom line. Now, this is not the only damage that is done, and yes SF is worst than a kiss which is worst than holding hands. Why do I say so? If you asked me what I rather have my wife do then I would say I rather have her only kiss a guy than have them go to a motel and f'ck. But I know that this is not the wound that is going to take the longest to heal. As I repeat myself a millon times each day, she had already kissed, f'cked, blown many guys b4 me. And I knew this when I married her, so it is just more of the same in the end. What bothers me about in the end is that she lied and lived a double (triple actually) life.

So if you and your H are trying to see who is the bad guy (you who kissed a guy or he that had sex with OW) then you are not going in the right direction. I should be trying to rebuild trust and each should come clean with what they did and accept their responsabilities independently of what the other did.

Thank you for the reply. We are talking and have talked the past to death. There are times I think about things and want to know, but an answer is not going to change things or make either one of us feel better in the long run.
At present, both of us have decided to move forward and not look back unless it is emergent. We looked back to see why and how things got to where they did. Now we are rebuilding. March 18, 2005 will be our tenth anniversary. We have known each other for 20 years. I never realized how much I loved him until I felt life without him. I do trust him and beleive what he has told me. I don't think he would ever do this again.
I do feel, if you have a relationship with someone, you should be able to sense an affair. Unless it is going on during work hours and no other change. Eventually, the signs will change if an emotional affair is taking place IMO.
Thanks again,
Jenny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Beach Girl