WH.

Have been getting ducks in a row with a few things, such as taxes, etc. This will be completely accomplished this weekend.

WH has had the flu. He has been home quite a bit this week.

Now, I am not the kind of person to arbitrarily accuse without proof. I HAVE learned a new lesson....to trust my gut feelings.

As I said before, WH's actions were not telling me the things that they should since he came home before Christmas. (I know...too short of a Plan B). I also found evidence (which I discussed with him) that he lied to me 3 times so he could move back home at that time.

This weekend, when given the opportunity to tell the truth about something, he lied. SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

While he was home on Monday afternoon, he called OW (I have it on tape). He also called her at home on Tuesday (and forgot to erase - or doesn't think I know what her home # is).

WH just called, and was asking why I don't tell him I love him anymore unless he says it first. That he knows I have talked to my friends about him, and that he doesn't say anything bad about me, etc.

WH says he feels closed off and distant from me....maybe it's because he is still seeing OW. DUH?

I am planning on having a talk with him on Sunday. He will then be told to leave.

I think I will use Orchid's line on him.... "I would like to speak to my H. Would you please let him "out" so that I can talk to him?" (paraphrased, I know).

I have been working toward this with a great deal of resolution. I will not put up with his lies. I will not put up with a life like this. I have better things to do with my time and my life than be suspicious, snooping, and continually walking on eggs around him. It angers me that I have been brought to these kinds of things.

Of course, the past few weeks (after two terrible arguments before) have been fairly smooth. I do not say anything about our M, or the A. No questions about anything - even tho I have suffered some very vivid "triggers" that brought to mind WH and OW together - such an emotional stabbing to me.

I guess this is the point I need to be at in my life to put this all behind me.

I need to go to work. Pray for me.

K

"If you are going to act like a turd...go lay out in the yard"

I want the t-shirt <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

All kidding aside this IS what you are going to have to do.

Back to plan B. And make this one stick.

K, I'm sorry to hear your H is still a WS and an A**. I hope you stick with your decision because you have allowed him to walk all over you. I'm not trying to be hard on you. I truly care about you, which is why I always read your posts. But enough is enough. Stop allowing this man to disrespect you. I will pray for you. CV

Hi Daisy and CV....

Thanks for your replies.

Yes, I can no longer allow WH to walk all over me.

And, sad to say, it's gone on too long.

But my resolution is firm. It is almost calculated.

Sometimes I think WH has a split personality....he just can't seem to see the connection between his A and the way I feel toward him, let alone the fact that I have always found out his lies, and continued contact before.

I feel strangely calm about this.

K

Sorry, K.

You are not strangely calm, you are resolved and healthy. You know your boundaries and won't allow them to be crossed without consequences. Your WH has a ways to go, and it is up to him. You are doing great. My prayers are with you.

Isn't it weard after so many panicky feelings to all of sudden find that we go calm ? That is good for you and will help you handle this as it should be. Good luck - I will be reading your posts.

What are you going to do about it, K?

Thanks, all, for your replies.

Anne and realtor....yes, it is stange to feel so calm.

Mel....I'm going to try to have a calm conversation with WH. Let him know that I say what I mean, and I mean what I say.

He's going to have to leave. I do not care where he goes, or what he does. I will do the correct Plan B. Period.

I do not think I will go into reason, and accusations. He SHOULD know EXACTLY why I am doing this.

I should not have to explain. I have been kind, understanding, and forgiving for the past 10 months.

I need to respect myself. I want to have a calm, fun, life where I can grow, and be happy.

Any other suggestions?

K

K,

I am not going to pretend like Plan B is easy. You and I both know it's not. But what is harder is living in this neverending hell. I just don't see any hope at all unless you can steel your resolve enough to stick with Plan B.

Unfortunately, it will take longer this time around to convince him you are serious. Do you really think you are up to it, K?

sniff.......you are one of my favorite people on here, K, and I have to admit that it grieves me terribly to see you dragged around the mud. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

[/emotions]

I hope I'm not being rude by butting in here!

This from Realtor caught my eye:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't it weard after so many panicky feelings to all of sudden find that we go calm ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's exactly what has happened to me in just the last couple days -- almost like flipping a switch, considering the ups and downs over such a long period of time. The suddenness of it has taken me by surprise.

Is this... "normal?" Is this the way it often happens?

The panic ceases when she starts protecting herself and stops participating in her own demise.

Thanks Mel and tqt.....

I don't know if the calm feeling is normal or not. I think it's all in finding in yourself the strength to carry on.

Thanks, Mel.....the feeling is mutual.

My resolve to carry on with Plan B is firm.

WH is truly addicted. His actions have proved this over and over.

If he wants his fantasy, then he can live with it. Apparantly, by his actions, this is what he wants.

I've gone thru the fire, so to speak, and tho I'm singed around the edges, my steel has finally been hardened to full strength.

I am awaiting the perfect time to put my plan into action. The ducks are just about perfectly lined up in a row.

I feel in my heart that there is no going back now. This is not the life I want for myself. WH must find his own happiness. If that includes me, then he will have to meet, confirm, and prove it so with his actions.

WH will have to quit his job. If he can't do that for me (I have done it for him, have moved across the US for him where I had no friends or relatives except my little family).....then, so be it.

I am removing myself from WH's equation.

I will Plan B for as long as it takes.....six months, a year.....???? I long for a peaceful time. A time free from suspicion, lies, deceit.

WH has proved to me so far that I AM NOT first on his list. HE is first. His wants are first. His job is first. His addiction is first.

I want to be first on the list.....even if it's just my own list. I am prepared to be alone. Not lonely, for sure. I have many interests and plans to work on for the betterment of my life.

I am determined to come out of this a better, stronger person. I would like to help others thru this if I can. But first, I know I have to go thru this hell, and walk out of it on my own two feet.

I will need the support of everyone here. And, I have the support of my friends and family.

Deepest thanks....K

Hi there K, I'm sorry that this is happening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I haven't posted to you much, but I feel your pain, and I feel awful about it.

Something you said in the beginning of the post struck a nerve with me.....
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not say anything about our M, or the A. No questions about anything - even tho I have suffered some very vivid "triggers" that brought to mind WH and OW together - such an emotional stabbing to me </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is EXACTLY what it's like.....like being stabbed!!!!! Sorry, I have just never seen it written down, but that's exactly what it feels like. Just wanted to let you know that I can sooooo relate.

-Caren

Hi Caren....

Yes, that is exactly what it feels like....insert knife, guts all over the floor.....

The horrible thing is that these thoughts just come out of no where. They just hit like a ton of bricks.

I have just gotten up (when these hit), and go outside for some air. Then, when asked, say "Oh, nothing is wrong." To know that WH does NOT want to hear about my feelings is the worst part.

Because, to him, his pain and feelings are more important than mine.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!

So, nothing is resolved, nothing is worked out.

It's all so dishonest.

How are you doing, Caren? Hope you are holding up okay.

K

K-

Oh I'm here...and screwing plan B up royal all the time LOL. Thank you for asking. I don't even have to have WH around to get triggered, it SUCKS...they come way out of left field and they kick my butt!!!! Oh this is such crap, isn't it?

-Caren

K, you are such a good lady. I love reading about your resolve and pray that you will carry it out. It's difficult enough to live with the lies and deceipt during these "F"ing As. I only had to endure a month more of lies after OW left H's business. it took a month before he really began NC. If I allow myself I can be back in that pain in a second. That is how extreme and deep it is. Yep, that knife cuts very deep. The idea that you have been living with this continued disception for so long really does break my heart. I hope that you now REALLY know that you deserve so much better.

If your H one day really wants you and your M, I hope you make him jump through every friggin hoop before you let him back. That is if you want him back. If that day occurs know in your heart that you have the right to ask any question you want. You shouldn't be asked to keep your deep feelings inside. If you need support here's one more MB friend ready to cheer you on. One day maybe your H will deserve you. At this point in time he ain't worth your effort. As I would say to my H during his withdrawal days, which you can feel free to pass on to your WH, "If your love is so beautiful with OW, then go follow your bliss." Let his "B" deal with his SH** now. HUGS! CV

Hi CV...

Yes, WH would be better off to "go follow his bliss". If this is his bliss, then I have endured enough of it.

He knows something is up. Does he not make the connections.....him still in contact with OW, and the way I am acting? (I have kind of withdrawn from him - personal protection, I think).

Does he not think I would know by his attitude and his actions what he is still doing?

I mean to say, really, if he is even just talking to her, then it is a deal breaker.

I feel emotionless right now. Kind of cold and calculated.

THIS IS NOT THE REAL ME!

Like Mel said, I'm still getting drug thru the mud. I want to clean my life up. I'm tired of the dirt.

And thanks, I will need your support.

I know this is not going to be easy.

K