Ark Art!

I saw a book recently entitled:
The Sociopath Next Door.

The author claimed that one in four are sociopaths - don't really see anything wrong with anything THEY want to do... don't concern themselves with consequences... have no empathy for those they hurt.

There has been a trend in our society to define 'friend' as somebody who will endorse your more sociopathic urges, 'supporting' your choices, whatever they may be.

There is another trend that defines consequences as 'punishment', 'judgement', 'manipulating'...

People who confront offenders with consequences are labeled 'non-supportive' of the PERSON committing the offense.

Actually, with the current trends, I'm surpirsed that 'friends don't let friends drive drunk' motto even has any popularity. It's kind of schizo for people to only get it when it comes to something like drunk driving.

Of course it's partly because another popular trend is to pretend that adultery and divorce can be 'no-fault' and non-damaging. If the betrayed spouse reveals hurt or anger, it's just because they 'aren't handling it well', are failing to 'get on with their life'. If the kids are hurt and angry, it's just because the betrayed spouse must have 'turned them against' the adulterous parent...

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 07:43 AM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

ark ~ great post, of course!

mere, you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course it's partly because another popular trend is to pretend that adultery and divorce can be 'no-fault' and non-damaging. If the betrayed spouse reveals hurt or anger, it's just because they 'aren't handling it well', are failing to 'get on with their life'.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you been talking to my MIL? Seems not only 'friends' can feel this way, family will too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I thought I'd bump this thread up because it's relevent to some other discussions going on right now.

It seems that some people are opposed to adultery only when they or their friends/relatives are the victims.

But they are 'supportive' of adultery if they or their friends/relatives are the adulterers.

Even here at Marriage Builders it's not difficult for adulterers to find posters who will join them in justifying adultery, depending on the situation.

I know that in the highly unlikely event that my WH will act in time to save our marriage, he will need to acknowledge how he sought and accepted endorsement for his adulteries from his friends/co-workers/relatives. And he will need to confront them, telling them that he was wrong to seek their 'support' of his wrongdoing and they were wrong in giving it. He will have to convince me that he realizes the threat such 'friends' pose to our marriage and that he is committed to resisting the temptation to solicit or accept such 'support' ever again.

IMHO anyone, even a relative, who does not agree that they were wrong to 'support' my WH's adultery, will need to be avoided.

To my knowledge, NONE of my WH's relatives confronted my WH. Some ignored his behavior (stayed out of it), leaving him to assume they didn't object. Some commented that we BOTH needed to be 'civil' (um WH got violent so I got a restraining order - so they pretended we BOTH lacked civility?). Some agreed with WH that whatever WH said or did was 100% my fault AND whatever I said or did was 100% my fault. Some said they would support him whatever he wanted to do... (including dump his wife and kids?)

Truthfully I can't even picture me ever spending time with these people again. I doubt I could ever trust them. I know the responsibility is my WH's to assure me that he would never again allow them to help threaten our marriage. But I would also need some sign from the relatives that they realize they did something wrong.

But something tells me I will never hear an apology uttered by any of them.