Am I simply expecting too much? Please, anyone, tell me?!

Here is the original thread for some background: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=017152

I am sleepy 2-4 hrs avg a night, miserable, bleary eyed... getting sick again. Gotta go to work tomorrow, doing the housework, the kids stuff, etc... he is still living elsewhere.

WH leaves DD4 home from preschool today just becasue...he just didn't feel like getting her ready (IMNSHO)! He comes over to get them off to school cause on the days I work I am already out the door by then, he was the one who volunteered to continue this routine... DD13 is home sick but she is sleeping and also much more self-sufficient!

He says he is trying to stop being selfish and yet everything I see from him is "me, me, me"! I guess this is what has to happen to build him into the man I deserve but I hate being patient... it is hard when you are wronged!

Could use some male input here, too, guys! When he says he is improving himself, his finances and his business... is this really being done for us? For me? Right now I feel like it is all at my expense, emotionally, but would be willing to stick it out if it is really for the greater good!

As a Christian W, is it my job to stand back and not interfere? Shouldn't I expect him to at least stoke an ember here? He is working late every night (but then comes by for a little while), he is worrying about his bills and he is concentrating on his changes... and I am feeling left out in the cold... still!

Help!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tx-RN:
<strong>Could use some male input here, too, guys! When he says he is improving himself, his finances and his business... is this really being done for us? For me?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(I don't think it's a gender thing)

It's all for "me, me, me"!!!

I have not read all of your background - what is your assessment of contact?

WAT

C #1 was on the phone, I had sent a harassing email (had already stopped that mess by the time he found out) and he wanted a copy... took the "easy" way and called OW for it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> if he had waited tilI got home fr work I would have given it to him...

C #2 there were no words exchanged (according to him), just him placing her A cell phone on the counter in front of her and walking away... I still say it counts cause they saw each other and it was clearly A related! That has been 8 days ago now...

Is the "me, me, me" what I should be expecting if I want him to get right in his life before he comes home? Am I being selfish and expecting too much?

The gender thing is simply a recognition that in God's eyes the role of the H is different, and I am not very clear on what I should be doing *if* this is truly H's way of building himself in the Lord... am I supposed to sit back and wait or is it normal for me to expect some attention too?

C #1 was on the phone, I had sent a harassing email (had already stopped that mess by the time he found out) and he wanted a copy... took the "easy" way and called OW for it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> if he had waited tilI got home fr work I would have given it to him...

C #2 there were no words exchanged (according to him), just him placing her A cell phone on the counter in front of her and walking away... I still say it counts cause they saw each other and it was clearly A related! That has been 8 days ago now...

Is the "me, me, me" what I should be expecting if I want him to get right in his life before he comes home? Am I being selfish and expecting too much?

The gender thing is simply a recognition that in God's eyes the role of the H is different, and I am not very clear on what I should be doing *if* this is truly H's way of building himself in the Lord... am I supposed to sit back and wait or is it normal for me to expect some attention too?

Tx-RN

I believe the lord would tell him to stop sinning and go back to his family now. Isn't that what he basicly told the adaultress woman that the men were going to stone?

Sorry you are in such pain. Wish there was more I could say to help. My MIL always tells me to pray to God and leave it in his hands. I know sometimes that isn't what we want to hear. My prayers will go out to your family to include your H tonight.

RHM

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 01:30 PM: Message edited by: RHM ]</small>

I don't think in anybody's eyes the role of the H is acceptable to be one of disrespect to a wife.

In that he's still lying, I recommend you be suspicious of all his statements until he has demonstrated a consistent pattern of trustworthiness.

Because I was not a wayward husband, did not get the opportunity to observe a claim to NC, nor can imagine myself in a role other than one parallel to that of my mate, I don't believe I can assist you further.

WAT

Well I do suspect everything... everything he says and does... when he goes to the gym this morning early w/ no appts, I am suspiciouos even though she is not there! I realize he is trying to drum up business, that in his mind if this fails then he cannot support his family...still I am suspicious!!

I did tell him I am willing to believe that he is honestly trying to turn to Godly ways, to earn $ for us and to make himself a better person before he returns home for another false R!!

I get that, but I also told him that he needs to pay attention to the W who has been through he** lately w/ him and needs some love and kindness or I am not going to be able to stick around to see how the end product comes out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> What else can I do?

I also asked him why should I be patinet... I am allowing him this time... he had problems w/ "allow"... I asked him if he would even consider taking me back and rebuilding this M if I had two As... he said no way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ... I said "I rest my case"!!

Thanks for the prayer RHM, I need all I can get! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

why am I freaking out? I am triggering bigtime! H phone is on and he is not answering... he has spent the entire day away, had a massage (for him) and then a docs appt for his back and should have just started his 1st and only paid massage today.... I hate this!

Still, he has spent the entire day gone. Not normal H behavior, more like WH behavior! I am bout ready to head for the hills... not sure if any of this is rational at all... also ready to start torturing OW again... am itching to make her hurt!

anyone else?