Well, it has been one week since I exposed my WH internet EA to my mother-in-law. My emotions about that go back and forth because I now feel that SHE is in so much pain about our marriage troubles - she loves us both so very much. I think "was it selfish of me to tell her?" Then I think about what has happened since then.

There has been an indescribable change in my WH that I can't put a finger on, though I think it is in the right direction. He seems to be peeking out of the fog a bit. Each day he opens up to me a little more. Last night he told me how he felt about me talking to his Mom without my having to ask. It was a very cordial and simple but honest conversation, yet I could see he still isn't ready to openly own his part of it all. I've repeatedly owned my contributions and started making the necessary changes as part of Plan A. It's almost like he's scared to work on us because he knows we would succeed and then he would have to admit that he made a mistake to me. He hates looking weak, has always had trouble with accountability, and is terrible at validating me.

I can see him trying to call truce in his own way, and I am very encouraged, but why is he so resistant to helping me to feel safe?

I want to share so much of what I am learning here with him, but I know he is not ready. It's very difficult too because I can see the pain he is in and if he just understood it, he might be able to get through it a tad bit easier, or at least let me be there for him. I think I see the symptoms of withdrawal. My suspicions are that the original NC promise(1/30/05) was broken and he is again trying a new cycle of NC - but is trying to make me believe there has never been contact since. I've told him he can trust me to make him feel safe with his honesty, but he hasn't tried it out on the new me yet so I can prove it.

I was just talking with my MIL ( she is so wonderful, we are both so very lucky to have her). We both agree that my H's biggest trouble is with his PRIDE.

How can you reassure someone that letting go of your pride to save something you hold near and dear is a sign of strength and NOT a sign of weakness?

Pride means nothing if you aren't a man enough to stand up and do the right thing. Even more important when you make a mistake to stand up and admit it. Just a little mans opinion.

Sorry if I'm comming across abrasive today. Just some anger coming out. I'm sure your H is a good man that got misguided like so many of us.

RHM

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: RHM ]</small>

RHM, yes that was a bit abrasive. My H is a good man and did get off track. That comment doesn't help because it's a very real problem that existed well before his EA. It can't be corrected with a few words.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day though.

My deepest apoligees. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

RHM

RHM - Thank You.

I'm not ussualy like that. I guess I'm so tired of seeing every one else go through what I have to. I know if I knew him I would sit down with him like a friend explain your side of things. I even tried that with my x best friend when he got to close to my wife. He just kept coming. I hope your H see's what he has to lose if he don't change. Prayers will be with you and your H.

RHM

Once again I'm sorry.