Ok...here's the deal.
I have been trying to help a friend for a while now....but her situation is really getting to the point where I want to throw my hands up and tell her I just don't know what to say.
Here is a little history.
They've been married for almost 10 years. Have 2 children....boy and a girl. They do everything together....I mean everything....they rarely ever go anywhere without each other. Their choice....it's just the way they are.
Everything has went fine for them for the most part over the years. They went through something similar about 2 years into their marriage....but it's reared it's ugly head up again.
It's all about sex.
She tells me that everything was fine. They were both satisfied with their sex life for years (3 to 5 times a week, never less than 3) and then something changed.
Her H started wanting it more and more often....just out of the blue.
She said that she was fine with it for a while....but the more often they would have it...the more he would want it.
Example:
They would have SF one night. The next day when he got home would ask her if she wanted to go to the bedroom and lock the door. She was involved with something with the kids so she would say no....she was busy.
Her H gets angry....saying he always has to wait.
Later...he would ask her again while she is busy trying get the kids ready for a bath....again....she was busy....he gets angry again.
Again...later....as she is finally sitting down to rest a minute before cleaning the kitchen from supper, he asks her again.
Now....since he's angry because she's said no, he's ignoring her at this point. Unless it's to try to get her to go to the other room.
At this point she's just so frustrated that she simply says no....I have still have things to do and I haven't sat down all day.
This happens to her on a daily basis now. I'm not sure how to tell her to handle it.
She said that at first it was all working out okay....but the more she accomodated him the more he would ask for it....to the point where she is now trying to avoid being alone in a room with him because he asks for it at EVERY free minute she has....and gets angry is she is too busy or says no...and says....I always have to wait.
They've had many discussions....and I have discussed it with them....together.
She feels like that she has done her part in making herself available to him more often...and she has according to what she's described to me...but the H doesn't seem to think she has because when he started getting it more...he wants it more. He doesn't see that when he started getting it more he wanted more so it makes it look like he still isn't getting what he wants. I see it....she sees it.....but her H just doesn't seem to "get it".....and he's constantly telling her that he always has to wait. A little childish it seems to me.
Now...here is the reason I just want to throw my hands up and give up on him.
Yesterday the son had an appt that both her and her H had to attend. He was to take off work at a certain time...which would give him just enough time to come home and change and then they could go pick up the kids (2 different school) and arrive for the appt with only seconds to spare.
She said he got home and walked in the door and looked a little upset. He went to the other room and got dressed and as he came out of the room she asked him what was wrong. He said....."If I would have known that you wouldn't be waiting for me naked and ready I wouldn't have done 90 miles an hour on the intersate on the way home."
She said that it immediately set her off and she was absolutely outraged that he had said something like that.
She said that he is constantly asking her for sex at inappropriate times....and gets upset when he doesn't get it when he wants it. To the point where he ignores her for the rest of the day.
She feels that no matter how hard she tries it's not good enough because he always ends up wanting it even more. She's to the point where she doesn't want it at all anymore because he is constantly asking for more.
She's at her wits end trying to handle this....and quite frankly....I've given her all the advice I can think of.
Her self esteem is on a fast downward spiral. She's went from always being a happy smiling person to constantly being on edge about everything.
I hate to see her going through this.....but I don't know what else to tell her.
Neither one of them want to go to counseling either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
<small>[ March 04, 2005, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>
