well if we can help let me know....he runs a hyundai dealership and they have a decent used dept.

if i was gonna do a road trip it would be to warmer climates right now.....we have snow right now and very cold temps.....florida sounds good!!

good luck......and have fun!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I say be as independent as you possibly can during this time before the divorce. Give her a taste of what is to come, and don't take the bite when she starts to snarl. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ummmmmmm....yes. This is the point of Plan B.

Forgive me, AD, I haven't kept up with your story. But it seems you are going through part of Plan B without the full benefits. You are going from a Plan A to a Plan D, with no Plan B in the middle.

Maybe one of the consequences of A is that it will take her longer to get citizenship. You are trying to protect her from the consequences of her decisions.

You seem to want to give her a wake-up call -- but you've turned off her alarm clock.

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

Hi A.M.M.

Good to see 'ya.

Maybe you're right and I should try Plan B first - and maybe you're right that I shouldn't worry about W's CZ if I'm going to D her anyway. I may not be able to stand being married long enough for her to get the CZ anyway.

As you can see, things have gone downhill this 2005 year. I'm just sick of never being good enough for her - and having her treat me like dirt - and lie to me and sneak around (even if maybe she lies and sneaks around less than some folks's wives do).

W's not doing too well herself - looks terrible - very tense and drawn face - always complaining of physical aches and pains (she's 26!). She has finally started taking her AD's. I hope they help her.

As I wrote above, the citizenship gets me off one hook legally - and there are other reasons I want her to have it. My Mom used to help folks get their citizenship when I was a kid. Maybe I want it just for the sake of Mom's memory. Actually, now that I think about it - that's the main thing. Also, maybe I like it because it makes W look bad. I hate to admit that. Everybody will think that she just used me for that and then dumped me - which isn't exactly true - but isn't exactly not true either.

-AD

Update,

Well, I took off at about 7pm Friday. Made it down to FL - saw my Unk, spent a little time on the beach, drove home. Gone about 30 hours. Drove 800 miles. W wasn't too happy about it, but accepted it. She called about 11am Saturday - thought I was at the other house. She asked "where are you", I sed "Florida". She was a bit surprised. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

next?

AD,

Why don't you give her the money to buy a car SHE wants and will be responsible for, and go on a road trip just for fun? Let her pick it out, buy it, and it is HERS so any problems are HERS as well.

JL

JL,

Thanks for stopping in.

About the car: I think you are right.

She needs to learn what it is to take care of things for herself. She doesn't do anything with the finances; lets me take care of all planning, arranging, ticket buying etc. Having to buy her own car would really stress her.

That's my current thinking on this.

... and she needs to buy something soon - not wait for the D - since her current car will need repairs otherwise.

-AD

<small>[ March 07, 2005, 12:34 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

JL read my mind.

Given the dynamics of the convo with your W during your trip 2 FL, it doesn't really sound like she wants a DV (though she might not want 2 lose the OM, either).

AD, what would the INS think of her M'ing you 2 get CZ and then having an A?

And what do YOU think of that? since you said yourself that it wasn't entirely untrue?

-ol' 2long

Hey 2Long,

Thanks for taking the time out of your very busy life to post on my thread.

I want to half-way defend my W. I will never defend her A, nor the attitudes surrounding it. Even if we accept her POV that her parents "made her" marry me, they didn't make her have a child with me - who's life now will be torn apart. That part I will not defend. I once asked her "If you didn't want to be my wife, why did you have my baby?" Her answer was simple "I wanted a baby." Wow!

OK. W didn't marry me to get citizenship. She didn't even know how that works. She was 19. I was ...er... not 19. She was very much under the influence of her Mom, who very much wanted an American SIL.

On the other hand, she has some sub-conscious things going on - that she won't even admit to herself. Certainly when we married, she had no idea how it works. She didn't even want to come to this country. You guessed it: Her Mom sent her - at 17 - to go to school in USA. Before that, she (W) was a home-girl. It was a huge shock to her, being sent to another country at 17 when ever since her adoption at age 6, she had hung tight to her Mom. 8 months later (yep, she was 18) she found me - and I listened to her like nobody ever listened to her. I treated her like an adult. She liked that. I didn't realize what I was doing. She didn't either. So, at 19 she married this... er... 39 year old guy (me).

She told me once "When I was 19, I wanted to be 30, but when I was 22, I just wanted to be 22."

That's the story from her perspective.

Now she's 26 - the mother of a US citizen child (4-year-old), has lived in USA for almost 9 years. She wants her child to grow up here (and I will accept no other option), and she wants to belong somewhere. (She was adopted internationally at the age of 6 and has lived in three countries since then.)

She will get CZ eventually anyway.

As for me, I just want to be done. Of course, that's not really what I want. I want to live happily ever after with my fascinating wife (PTSD and all) and daughter. And heck, I want a couple more kids with her too. But, I want her to love me too, and that's not going to happen ever again (I think).

So, I'll settle for just done.

Sooner would be better for me.

I don't care what the INS thinks. It was/is a legitimate marriage, for all it's problems.

-AD

<small>[ March 07, 2005, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

AD,

I know I have already told you this and although I really hope that your WW realizes what she is giving up, I am so glad that you are taking control of your life.

If she doesn't come around then you are giving yourself the opportunity to find the love, commitment and family you want.

I really admire that.

I know it's got to be killing you inside and truly hopes she comes around. I think she might though once she realizes what losing you is really going to mean.

I get the impression that your WW values family, but is torn. She wants both worlds right now, and will soon find out that it is one or the other. And the other ain't quite so pretty when you are actually living it.

Whoa, you have more energy than I to be wanting a more babies now.

Good luck AD!

Hey Weaver,

Thanks very much for the kind words.

I'm not sure what I deserve, but I sure know what I want.

WW doesn't know what she wants. I think she kinda wanted both of us, but now it's hard to tell. She's determined not to be the dumpee - so she's trying to establish that she is the dumper.

So, now, I'm afraid her pride would not allow her to turn it around.

She spent half the day yesterday writing a letter to her Mom. Of course her Mom still wants to cling to the American SIL. W has had a hard time dealing with her parents. She loves them, but they try to control her - and it doesn't help me that they are on my side. If she follows form, she will never mail the letter to her Mom. Over the years, she has written a lot of unmailed letters to her parents.

Oh well, she called a while ago and gave me a grociery list. Since I still eat there, I guess I'll go buy the stuff. Actually, I enjoy fetching things for her - and it takes some resolve on my part to cut down on that.

I'll go now.

-AD