She said so what if he has a woman to talk to -stay with him. He treats you good. Maybe you'll meet a nice guy you can talk to. My god what is wrong with her. I had another phone call come in and hung up with her. I am not claling her back again. I am in shock.

Realtor, it depends on your mother's age.

Believe it or not that is how women of my mother's generation (aged early to mid 70s) dealt with affairs. It was not uncommon to have that attitude.

Jen

sheeesh, my mother would be leading the CASTRATION BRIGADE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She is about 4'8" and brooks NO NONSENSE from any man!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

However, Jen is right, many elderly women would tolerate that crap.

Where I live most women my mother's age (80) would and do think that but surprisingly lots of younger women do too!!!!
I would never stay with a man for those reasons and surprisingly, after d day my mother actually asked me if I would, and couldn't believe I wasn't kicking him out. She avoided him since that day. Never wanted to see him again. Sad.

You are not alone. I got the same thing from my mom who put up with the same thing w my dad ages ago and they still married now for 45 years. Notice I did not say happily married <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Actually just today I was thinking of WH and what he must have been thinking (? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ) when he decided to have this A, and I was remembering a co worker of his, married who has had an A for like 18 yrs now, has an OC who is my ds age, and the OW frequently works for WH. I guess everyone supposes that the MM's wife knows, after all everybody knows. And it's not the only case I know of.

So I guess there are BS who tolerate this

I was so shocked by her statement. Want to let you know yesterday I really got some things out with my WH on the long long drive we had. I think it is helping. Wait till you heard about the book HN/Nh -he said he has read 40 pages in over a week. He said it does NOT apply to him as he did not hae an affair. Boy FOG is thick again this weekend. What a boozo. I just shock my head. I told him yesterday that I was sick of his making plans for us without consulting me. That I was sick of everytime we go anywhere it is involving his family. He had called his sister while driving and they made arrangements to spend thae afternoon together. When it was supposed to be us having some fun alone together. I was furious. He sets me up like this all the dam time. She is a druggy and not a nice woman. We were supposed to go to the beach. I said you know I just would like to have some fun on our own. To have time to talk and have some laughs. You promise and we start out happy then you change the plans without asking me. I was right next to you -why didn't you say we had other plans for the day. Or say hold on I'll talk to Jan and get back to you. That is what I do -I always ask you first. I was so dam mad at him and let it rip. We did not end up going to beach -he did call his sister and say we would just stop by for a few minutes whick we did. But then he drove us right back home. We talked more and got the air cleaned. I was so disappointed but happy about starting to talk. I have told him we need to make happy memories for us to override the horrible last 2 yrs. Have some fun.You know - fo somewhere else.

Are you Italian? IT's a way of life over here.

Went to an Italian wedding about a year ago. At the reception, was standing around with the men, including the groom and father of the bride. The father of the bride tells the groom in front of all the men, to keep the W (his daughter0 happy and for a good marriage, take a mistress. This is the father of the bride! This country is so morally bankrupt.

My Mom thinks I'm off my rocker for trying to save my marriage, she says "What about the next girl?" "How are you ever going to be able to trust him again?"

The strange thing is, my parents have not have not had SF since after my little sister was born...she's 34. According to my mother, my Dad stopped wanting to have SF, she said she didn't think he really ever liked it to begin with. I hadn't thought about it before, but I think he probably had an affair. My Mom is all proud that "A lot of guys flirt with her, but she's never gone out on my Dad".

Another instance, my friends Mom pretty much knows that her H is having an affair. They are in their late 60's and he got on viagra....but has never used it with her, and yet she has never brought it up to him and she doesn't make any waves. They have money, so she just goes down to her house in Florida, and leaves him up here in Ohio to do whatever he pleases.

I don't understand this concept, unless they are just happy knowing that their H will never leave them for the OW. I couldn't be happy this way, I can't share my H with anyone.

-Caren

Well, I can partly accept this paradigm.

I, to this day am not so much upset with the fact the my W had SF with OP, nor even the connection they shared. What I really couldn't stand was the emotional abandonment and the cruelty and selfishness that came along with it.

Perhaps in cultures where it is more acceptable socially it is less damaging.

I mean hey, just for the sake of argument... if the W (or H) knows the spouse has the odd mistress and doesn't have a problem with it... AND if the wayward has his (her) fling on the side (instead of abandoning family emotionally or physically) then perhaps it's not such a big deal.

Wow. I'm sure this is going to be a popular argument... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

dewt

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 11:46 AM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>

LMAO dewt, yes you are going to be really, really popular.

I see your point, I don't agree with it, but I do see it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

an anecdote to add for your perusal...

I have an aunt who was married to a philandering man. He apparently had many women on the side until his death some time ago.

I know she couldn't have been happy with it, but neither was she destroy. She'd say things like "ah, well you know him..." in that sing-song tone of voice that tells you that though she didn't like it, she accepted him and loved him despite that flaw. In many other ways, he was a good husband, father and provider and she just accepted him the way he was.

While she certainly wasn't pleased with it, it did not destroy her or make her life a living hell. It's like she considered it an annoying habit rather than a horrible betrayal.

dewt (who doesn't share, condone or judge any of these views)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CarenMc:
<strong> I see your point, I don't agree with it, but I do see it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I ever posted my truest feelings on this subject, I'm sure it would be the posting fiasco of all time. Either that or I'd be completely ignored from that point forward. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Let's just say that my life experiences have been singularily unique and extreme and have left me with a somewhat unusual perspective regarding many topics.

Having said that, let me add that my experiences have taught me many other things too and that my (constantly maturing) code of conduct takes more into account than my philosophical stance on certain issues. (So we can all leave our 2x4s tucked safely away, mmm-kay?)

dewt (who is thinking maybe he should quit while he's ahead)

dewt - I can understand a little of what my mohter was saying she is 86. However she had a sister who had a relationship -long lasting over 40 years with a MM and he lived around the corner. His wife knew about her H's A with y aunt. My aunt was a very unhappy woman. When he died she had no more money and lived very poor. When she died she died a very bitter old woman.

As for today - There are just to many deases out there with aides and everything else -it scares me to think of someone having Sf with op today and bring things home to the BS. It is just not right. I take my vows very seriously and would never do any of this with him. I would leave first beore I ever cheated. I do not look for OM and never have. I have always been happy to be married to my WH.

I do not know how to reach him and get my point across to this man. I am not trying anymore -I just told him to read the book. He seriously does not think it has anything to do with him. He just does not get it. Although I think in time he will get it. I pray he gets it. I thought he had got it. Thank-god I knew this was the fog rolling back in again.

My mother may just be worried that I will not have someone in my life. She is old now and worries about her daughters and our security. Hence this advice. Women her agae always neededc a man in there life. To be taken care of. So that is what she thinks all women need. We are Irsih in case anyone needs to know. 100% Irish grandparents all came over on the boat.

Realtor-

I'm with you hon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What freaks me out even worse than diseases is pregnancy. Oh my gosh, that has to be awful.....ugh, I don't even want to think about it.

You know, I am glad I had a hysterectomy a few years ago, because as desperate as I've been I wouldn't have put it past me to get pregnant as a way to lure my WH back......and that would be stupid!!!

-Caren

Yea h that would be stupid. I glad I had mine years ago. Although child bearing years are long over.. YEEEPIIEEE !!! We had finally got rid of last kid -like he wanted then he went and started his Ea. So what was up with that. I know my son would have pounded him if he verbally abused me in front of him. He would have called 911 and had him thrown in jail or at least removed from our house. That would have been something. (Sigh) Now my oldest is home from the war and I am worried he will come down before he gets over that ready to kill stage they are in. I hope he takes it easier with his step-dad. I am afraid he will tie him up and get the whole truth from him. He has said he wants to go out on the gulf fishing with his SD. He does love him though -SD raised my boys since they were very young. So we shall see. My oldest is a very good son but a man now.

I have always been able to take care of me. I am a strong woman and even though I may not have food - I can manage just fine. I am an attractive new and improved BABE. I know I will survive!!! So I say let the chips fall were they may and then I will make my decisions. Just wish a strong wind would blow this Fog clear out across the world.

Realtor,

What your Mom said to you strikes me as kind of funny. Because I have the opposite problem.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I come from a long line of women who don`t take crap. My great great grandmother divorced her H way back when...about a hundred year ago when this was NEVER DONE when she found out about the OW. Yep...she bucked convention and had the whole county talking.

My Grandmother did the same thing back in the 50`s...over OW`s.

And then it happens to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> This seems to skip generations in my family.

Anyway I did not tell my mother about my H`s A`s. My mother does not tolerate that kind of behaviour or people who engage in it. When she hears about people having A`s she cuts them off socially. She has nothing more to do with them. My FIL left my MIL for an OW after 30 years of M. My Mother will not attend any events my FIL and his now OW wife attend. No more big family get togethers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Soooo I couldn`t tell my mother what my H did. I know what kind of reaction/advice I would have gotten.

But you know what??? It DOESN`T matter what my mother thinks....it DOESN`T matter what your mother thinks. It`s your M and you know what`s right for YOU.

dewt, You're not that used car salesman I talked to last week are you?

an