Just got off a conversation with the WW over the children - tried to make me ferel guilty for her problems.

I work nights, right? Well, this month I'm doing 50-60 hour weeks for most of the month. Need the cash, badly - have to move, am still getting out of the huge debt-hole the W left buying herself cool stuff.

Shs say's she's 'bothered' that the kids are home alone at night. They aren't - DS17 is a very responsible kid who is marvelous (albeit sometimes grouchy) with sibilings... She 'wants the kids to stay at her place while I'm gone at night'. Of course, she has no problem with leaving them there with DS17 while SHE is out all day and most of the night.

For those of you familiar with my story, I get off work at 5:30, get the kids to school by 8:30, and pick them up again at 3:00. WOrks fine for me 'cause I can sleep while they are in school.

WW is in law school, which means hours of difficult study. Other than being in the dark for the most part, I can tell you that she never stops complaining about how the kids make it difficult for her to study. To top this off, since she had to pick up a little 'lovenest' - she had to get a job to pay the bills.

So she tries so make me feel awful about this: "So you're going to be making a ton of money and I'm gonna have to quit my job to watch these kids."

Told her "Not my problem. I trust DS17 implicitly - he calls my cell phone or my desk phone at work if there is a parenting problem. Not only that, but I am taking care of my family by paying the bill's and getting myself out of debt" which I can usually handle over the phone - and he always has the option of calling her - although that is so far down on his priority list it virtually doesn't exist. I told her if she worried about the kids she could call them here and see of they were ok.

Not happy with that. SO I put it to her straight" The problem is this: you are trying to maintain one family with two houses. That's too many expenses and I'm not covering yours. You need to make a decision about what your priorities are."

Fireth she back "You need to make a decision - are you going to ruin my law school or make me quit my job?"

Saith I: "That isn't my problem. We have a great babysitter in our family, you need to figure out what is most important to you."

SHe says, "SO it's no skin off your nose if I fail law school and go broke"

I relpied, "When you were here in our family, that was my number one priority. It's not mhy problem now. You want to work on our marriage and come back home and it would be right back on my list."

For some reason she hung up on me! GO figure.

That's the first time in 18 years that I have stood up to her and showed her what her 'I'm the princess and I get what I want' attitude is getting her.

I feel pretty darned good.

David

David,

You need to do that a lot more often WITHOUT love busting. You see doing it without love busting is soooooo delicious because they really are left defenseless as they have used anger and pity to get what they want and you have given them NOTHING to grab on to.

Have you spoken to the lawyer? I hope so, she will begin her assault soon. She may come around but only after she has determined that you will stand your ground, and stand for you kids and family.

Hang in there you are doing well.

God Bless,

JL

GO DAVID! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That was a nice bit of babbling back I must say.Orchid would be proud.I hope she reads it.

Go on with your bad self! LOL

O

WooHoo! I am so proud of you. I know the good feeling of standing up to WS.

Love

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong> David,

You need to do that a lot more often WITHOUT love busting. You see doing it without love busting is soooooo delicious because they really are left defenseless as they have used anger and pity to get what they want and you have given them NOTHING to grab on to.

Have you spoken to the lawyer? I hope so, she will begin her assault soon. She may come around but only after she has determined that you will stand your ground, and stand for you kids and family.

Hang in there you are doing well.

God Bless,

JL </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JL - did I do any love busting there? I didn't think I had - I was trying to be very careful. And Ihave spoken to a lawyer - which is one reason I took the overtime hours this month - may not need one just yet - WW is BROKE - having to borrow money from her parents and had to sign up fpr summer law classes to get more financial aid.

I know she will start her assault soon, I can serse it coming, and I am hustling to get things ready. But I feel alot more confident than I did a while ago.... I just hope I didn't LB there.....

David

Good job, David. Just keep letting her know nicely that your family and her law school is your number one priority if she desires to be part of the family.

If she would rather put something else first, that is her choice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong> GO DAVID! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That was a nice bit of babbling back I must say.Orchid would be proud.I hope she reads it.

Go on with your bad self! LOL

O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks O!!! BTW - my enneagram is Type 2 - Helper, with a social variant

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Someone told me to come check out this thread, that there was a love busting doormat in here.

I have looked around, and all I see are steely-eyed heros :-)

I rarely post to you David, but I monitor your situation daily.

You did good.

Gimble

DAYAM!!! Do I smell some testosterone on this thread??

WAY TO GO, DAVID!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

[keep this up and you could qualify for Texas citizenship <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> DAYAM!!! Do I smell some testosterone on this thread??

WAY TO GO, DAVID!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

[keep this up and you could qualify for Texas citizenship <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lady, I'd move to Texas in an instant. I LOVE THAT STATE. Not as much as New Mexico - but it comes close...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

David,

LB? Not that I could see. That is what I am talkin about. No LB's is sooooo cool, because it leaves them with nothing to grab hold of, hence the old phone in the cradle move. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Gotta love it.

So where in NM are you from? Love both places.

You are doin good, as they say in that part of the world.

God Bless,

JL

Way to go David! While you still have the surge going, suppose you could head south and bop WH in the nose for me?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

David,

Slightly off topic here.

I cannot believe how accurate I think that enneagram is.I am so much a Reformer type it's amazing.It describes me very well(the healthy part and key motivations,etc).One day soon I think I am going to invest in the whole ball of wacks and do every single test that they have and see what happens.I like taking tests.

Anyway,I read about your type.Do you think it accurately describes you?

O

I don't really know what they mean, but I took that test and it said I was "The Challenger," Type 8.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong> David,

Slightly off topic here.

I cannot believe how accurate I think that enneagram is.I am so much a Reformer type it's amazing.It describes me very well(the healthy part and key motivations,etc).One day soon I think I am going to invest in the whole ball of wacks and do every single test that they have and see what happens.I like taking tests.

Anyway,I read about your type.Do you think it accurately describes you?

O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">O - it was so accurate it freaked me out. LOL.

UPDATE TIME

WW called back, was very sweet and nice, but said she has decided that a divorce is the best thing for us.

I told her that I'd like to negotiate either that or our marriage and would be willing to talk about that anytime. She wants the cheapest D possible, asked me what my demands would be.

I told her: "Very simple. I have residential custody of the kids, you can have open visitation anytime you have the time for them, and that I would not require any CS."

She said she would think that over and get back to me.

Who knows?

David

ut oh, this is what mine says:

THE CHALLENGER

The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

I would have to agree that the rest of the description is pretty accurate. I was surprised.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong> David,

So where in NM are you from? Love both places.

You are doin good, as they say in that part of the world.

God Bless,

JL </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JL - lived in Farmington as a kid (spent a lot of time over the border in Durango). Live in Oregon now...

Thanks for the kind words...

David

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tanelornpete:
<strong> UPDATE TIME

WW called back, was very sweet and nice, but said she has decided that a divorce is the best thing for us.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I suspect she is trying to punish you for daring to stand up for yourself. She wants to get you back in your place. She is testing you to get a reaction. That means your actions are having a good effect. Hang tight!

Mel,

Uh oh is right.Did you see:

The Challenger(unhealthy)

*completely ruthless
*immoral
*potentially violent
*megalomania
*vengeful,barbaric,murderous <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
*may brutally destroy everything that has not conformed to their will

Example: Saddham Hussein(oopsie) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Me

The Reformer(unhealthy)

*Self righteous
*dogmatic
*intolerant
*Highly critical
*Everyone else is wrong(Yuppers) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
*punitive and cruel to rid self of "wrong doers"
*suicide attempts likely <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Example: Mr Spock <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

LMAO!