Well-If I make it through today I know I can make it through anything. I was just informed today by WH that OW is 5 mths pregnant. We have been separated 6 mths. He SWEARS he didn't sleep w/ her before he left-yeah, whatever. Anyway-we are going next week and getting a divorce-I want it in writing that my kids are supported before this one gets here. He is agreeing to pretty much anything right now-thankfully. He says that is why he couldn't work on things-he wanted to but knew he couldn't. Things "just happened" and it went to far-WHATEVER! Anyway-I could use some encouragment here-I think I am still kinda in shock. Of course-he was crying and saying how sorry he was=blah blah blah If anyone has any advice I will take that as well. Thanks. This just isn't the man I married-he was so great........what happened??? Oh well-water under the bridge now-I hate him. I wish he would just sign the kids over and leave us alone forever.

So sorry to hear the latest development. For some reason, WS's rarely use birth control, and a pregnancy "just happens".

You might want to check out the pregnancy board. There are lots of folks there going through the same thing.

You might want to consult with an attorney to be sure you and your kids are protected. Your WS has made a HUGE mistake.

I am sorry that I can not offer any good advice here. It makes me so upset when this happens that the evil in me comes out. That scenario has gone through me head before...what if my wh tells me ow is pregnant one of these day...and the evil in me had planned to avoid divorce until after the ow baby has been born so oc is not borned within their marriage. It angers me. how can "It just happen".

I am sorry I can not offer any good advice but I wish you the best and someone with something smart to tell you. Love

hugs {{{{sad-and-tiredmom}}}}} hugs

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Nothing like a brand new blow when you are feeling down an out.

Did he flat out agree to start divorce proceedings next week during a calm conversation?
--OR--were you both screaming and yelling?
That makes a difference, as we often say things we don't mean when we are screaming and yelling.
I know that I have done that with my WH and regretted later some of the things I've said.

I know that you are in shock but I really think that you should wait longer than a week to do this. You both will still be in a foggy state about this new development and if you hope to save the marriage, even after this news, you may regret it later.

My WH didn't use condoms either but since they were both "fixed" I guess he didn't think about possible STD's. Pretty normal for WS, from what I read on these boards. They usually think that they are the only one OW has slept with because they are so "in love" and OW wouldn't have STD's.
(ya right)


I do agree with consulting with an attorney to make sure your kids are protected. My brother, (who is divorced and has two kids with ex-wife) had a third child from a sort of one-night-stand sort of thing. His child support did not change for the first two after the third was born.
They only look at what's left, they don't decrease the first kids support because another one was born with another woman. That is in our state anyway.
His child lives in another state and their laws are pretty much the same as ours.
So, definitely consult an attorney on that part of it at least!!!

Keep posting with us. I am so amazed at the wonderful people here on this board. I have gotten through many a day because of the support I have received here!!

Take Care,
Suzy

mom, I am so sorry for your pain! geez! how is it that teens know more about birth control than full grown men?! my WH used nothing either, but he was fixed so the "only" thing I have to worry about are STDs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Are you sure it is his? Is he the only person she has been with? these woman are often not the honorable type <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You can get divorced quick there! here it takes a year of living apart... probably for the best most times. Make sure you and yours are proteted and let the chips fall where they may. Are you certain a D is what you want? Just checking....

Take care of yourself! (((mom)))

Sad and Tired-

Oh I'm so sorry that's horrible!!! I have also thought about that happening since my WH's OW is 33 and has no kids....I would freak the hell out. I mean I've never asked WH if he used protection, I'm sure he'd lie to me anyway.

I am so sorry, my heart dropped when I read that.

I'm sure like the rest of us, it's your worst nightmare <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

-Caren

Thanks guys-for everything. A divorce is definitely what i want at this point-I want NO reconciliation w/ him-AT ALL. I want it over and done before this baby so my kids are protected. Here you are supposed to be separated a yr-but no legal papers are required so if you mutually agree you have been separated a yr they don't ask questions. I am in a shock right now-I cried a lot at first but now I am just numb again. I am exhausted-I will probably be going to sleep soon. I just want to shut down and not think anymore. It all sucks so bad.......all of it-if he had just have thought! He keeps saying how sorry he is, how this wasn't supposed to have happened, how he would have considered maybe giving us a 2nd chance if this hadn't happened. All things I know are lies-I can't trust him at all. It is funny-when I look back-everyone always told me what a great guy I had.....he never flirted or anything. His dad did the same thing to him mom-only they had been married 25 yrs...he left and got another woman PG......and my WH hated him for that-never wanted to be that way. Oh well. Anyway-thanks again for all the help!

Sad, I am so sorry. I am in a similar situation. OC was born last Friday and I just found out the A is still on. Past several months I thought we were in recovery. I am seeing an attorney tomorrow. You may want to post over on the preg/child board to get some advice to get you through this. I am so sorry. How is your son?

Hi, Sad.

I am really sorry for your pain.

Quote:
======================
He is agreeing to pretty much anything right now-thankfully.
======================

Let me throw out a few things for your consideration, whether or not you ultimately end up divorced.

With an other child in the picture, your husband's responsibilities are going to be increased.

I noticed in your tag line that you have a special needs son.

Since your husband is currently in a compliant and contrite mode, please consider writing up simple documents that state your agreements as to child support and custody. Make sure that they weigh heavily in your and the children's favor. Then have him sign them and date them.

I am not telling you to be mean or love bust. I am telling you to protect your interests, which includes the well being of your children.

I do not think that his current attitude will linger for long. As soon as the other woman can remind him of his new responsibility, he will find himself in a foul mood, with the issue of divided loyalties at the core of his struggle.

If you can get a firm written commitment from him, now is the time.

You can fall apart later if you want. You will have earned it. For now, protect.

God bless,
Gimble

We *all* have our boundaries and he has crossed yours. For me, it would have been fencesitting- I got lucky, it took him absolutely less than a minute to decide whether he wanted his marriage or not. He was decisive, so I never had to face walking away. We got the chance to restore our marriage.

An OC also would have been the end of our marriage as well, even if he had begged and pleaded. I know I personally could not and would not WANT to deal with a 'second family' situation, and that would have been MY CHOICE.

No one should attempt to make you feel guilty about deciding to divorce. I completely understand your choice and I even completely understand how quickly this information helped you decide it.

Remain calm when you deal with him, don't verbally attack him- get him to sign what you need him to sign to protect yourself and your children. He chose to have sex with her (and continues to lie to your face about it) and you CHOOSE TO NOT HAVE THIS IN YOUR LIFE.

Its very important you get your kids what they need now before the OC shows up.

Good luck to you and keep us posted, please.

((BIG HUGS))

(((((SAD)))) Go to the preg board and talk to Lynng. She is who I will be talking to if my idiot OW somehow ends up pregnant. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Lynng has great advice on protecting your children.

Im so sorry hun. You dont deserve this crap.

You just experienced my worst nightmare. What a painful time for you. i'm so sorry. TT