Hi everyone,
I really need some advice on this one. First a little history , I have been married to my H for 13 years, in relationship for 17. I was 15 he was 18. anyways. we have 3 kids, ages 12, 9,2. We had a normal marriage i thought, normal ups and downs, last year we were really going through some financial difficulties, my H began drinking alot, anyways, he ends up ,leaving me in AUgust , I find out, but not from him he is living with OW, he dos'nt admit this to me until i find a letter and a pic of her in his truck. Then he admits everthing. He said he wanted to stop and come back home to me and the kids, I thought a bout it for a few days, and agreed to let him come back home. He has been home since December, At first i thought i could just return to normal, let everthing go, but i kept throwing everything up to him, which he in return would remind me what i did wrong to cause him to leave, well, i figured out how to keep my mouth shut, But some of the things i said were out of anger and i can't take them back. He is very cold towards me now, almost like he hates me. I think ow may be getting in contact with him or him to her, My question is this,1) HOw to i tell husband NO COntact with OW or I'm finished with this marriage.2.) SHould I give him an ultimative,? or will this push him over the edge. TOW was pregnant supposedly but MC in Jan. She is very manipulative, she is divorced, and to say the least about her character, she has been fired at her last job for having sex with a inmate.. she is a nurse. 3.)How could my WH have left me for someone with no morals like that. I am a christian, and prayers and god has been the only thing keeping me going this year.4.) WHy does he act like he hates me? I tell him i love him all the time,5.) Am I pushing to hard, to fast? any help on this would be great. Im ready to give-up.. It seems like im the only one trying here, and i did'nt do anything, BUt 6.)i keep apologizing,, why do i do that,, 7.)HOw does it make WH feel when i keep saying im sorry, i should have been a better wife. He won't even sleep in the same room as me. He'll go out of his way to avoid any physical contact with me..8.) I try writing him letters telling how much he means to me and how much i love him, but he gets irratated when i ask him to read them.. Is there any hope at all? 9.) Should i contact the OW at all, confront her? I feel like putting her out of my misery, but am trying to contain myself...
thanks guys...

Well, the first thing I would do is ask your husband to write a no contact letter to the OW. He needs to do that to reassure you. He may be angry with you right now because he is going through withdrawal from her (just like a drug addict), or he may still be in contact with her.

If you nicely ask him to write a no contact letter, you will have your answer. If he will not do it, then you know where you stand.

Have you read Surviving An Affair?
Have you read the articles on the home page of this website?

Don't tell him you love him. It makes you look needy.

You need a good Plan A going here. You also need to know whether the A is still going on or not. You need to read, read, read so you don't make mistakes. You must back off. You are driving him away. Go right now and read the articles by Harley on the home page. Order the books Surviving An Affair and His Needs, Her Needs. You can get them from the bookstore at the top of this page.

It sounds to me like the A is still going on. You must have a plan. Reading the books and articles will help you develop a plan. Start right now.