But I gotta ask it.

Why do WS get so angry and nasty when the BS calls them out on something?

Know the answer, but it is still so amazing to me they can act like that to you and make you feel as though you are the one having the affair. WTF!!!! I am so sick and tired of it. In my case, it has been over 2 years since d-day. I am well aware of my WH's actions, although he maintains he has nothing to hide from me. WTF!!!!

Yeah right WS until I catch you in a big whopper of a lie. Didnt think your nose could get any bigger! Hey my WH is more predictable now than he was before he became a WH. I guess a betraying, decietful life agrees with him. Vent much Lisa?? Sorry guys!

Case in point: (Dont know if I should had said anything about this but I could no longer hold it in.) I have an old leather jacket that I kinda run around in. WH is always telling me he hates this coat. Well back in the begining of Jan. I got a phone call from a friend who saw WH buying a coat one night in a dept. store. Friend did not say anything to WH. WH did not see friend. (Found receipt to confirm purchase). Well I have been waiting for my new coat for awhile now but guess what IT WASNT FOR ME!! Yeah I knew that and told friend that also. Anyway today I put that old coat on that WH hates and I just got so upset. WH asks me what was wrong. I said "I have been waiting for my new coat that u bought but I guess it wasnt for me." WH:"What What are you talking about I didnt buy any coat." Well I just left the house had to get my babies. Anyway my whole point of this thread is wait I forgot what I was talking about. No only kidding. Point being he was so nasty to me when I got back. Whats the matter..did you really think I wouldnt find out!

Hello!!! Wake up!!! Guess I better just make sure my fog lights are on when WH is in my presence.

Thanks for listening

L

<small>[ March 18, 2005, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: Lisa0705 ]</small>

Lisa

my WH got so mad one night when I caught him communicating with OW and he was denying it that he broke his phone to pieces. DO NOT like getting busted. Little did he know I had other ways of finding out to show him I was right and he was talking to her. It felt good to me and he broke his phone for nothing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love

Love,

I hear you. WH has broken a few cell phones because of me. Kicked a desk, broke his toe. Kicked his truck hurt the same toe. And has thrown a few things along the way. Funny though it doesnt bother me because I know I am right. Yeah me too..I have many ways of finding things out. WH even calls me Miss Detective.

L

Lisa - This is just typical WS behavior. They love to lie. When WH first started his A, I knew something was wrong. He kept telling me not to worry, things would get better. Meanwhile he was F'ing the OW.

Then he got a cell phone that I didn't know about. His daughter told me he had one, and he continued to deny.

I got hotel bills, and he told me he just got a hotel during the day (while he was supposed to be at work) to "think".

Then he and OW moved in together for a year, but WH insisted for a year, and still says today that they are "not living together".

I think that all the lies do more harm than the actual cheating. If my WH suddenly started telling me the truth, I wouldn't believe him. Now I don't even want to talk to him - it is a big waste of my time.

Have you thought about going to Plan B to protect yourself?

My WH broke his phone to pieces too!! HIs phone is how I got my proof, after I'd been suspecting for months that there was an affair going on.

I turned on his phone and a few seconds later there was a text message that said " You don't know how much I am yearning for a night alone with you."
(GAG ME)(of course it would be okay if I said that to him - LOL)

He took that phone and kept throwing it against things until it smashed into pieces. He said he hoped I wouldn't find out.

Please don't blame yourself for any of this.
We usually do find out, don't we?

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: suzychapstick ]</small>

Believer,

You are so right..at this point the lying is more hurtful than anything. How they can continue to lie to you as though you are an idiot. Its starts to make you think YOU are crazy.

Yes, Plan B is on the horizon. I am waiting to hear about a couple of full time jobs that I have interviewed for. Want to have this in place before I take the Plan B step.


L

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> WH even calls me Miss Detective.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mine calls me CSI (crime scene investigator) and tells me all the time to open my own agency.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I got hotel bills, and he told me he just got a hotel during the day (while he was supposed to be at work) to "think".

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They are not only liars, but think we are stupid. Do they ever listen to themselves and see how stupid they sound and we are supposed to believe them that !?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that all the lies do more harm than the actual cheating </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told my WH several times that I forgave him for the affair but can not put up with the lies. It kills me how they try to cover one lie with another. It is impossible to rebuild trust that way.

Love

My sentinments exactly!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But it is still maddening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

And I still want my new coat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ March 04, 2005, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Lisa0705 ]</small>

Lisa, you saw the receipt for the coat you never got, right? Remember how much it was? Go get yourself a new coat (on him) and make sure it goes above what he paid for the other one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'd report the coat as stolen. You have the receipt. Tell the police that you know who took it. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Hi
Don't meant to intrude on you'alls conversation, but the posts really cheered me up...Im not laughing at your situations, but i know when i found out, of course i had my suspicions, after he moved out for 3 months, duhh, he always told me he was sleeping in his truck, and at friends house,, boy he must have thought i was stupid... anyways, i went to his place of work one day, and his truck was there and duhhhh, he left it unlocked,, so i figured since i was still married to him, i had a right to look inside,, well i found a pic of OW on sunvisor, a letter from her saying how breathless he made her feel,what hurt was it was stored with all the letters i had written him,,,, Later i told him , I would make her feel breathless also,, when i got through with her,. i took his lunch that OW packed for him and smashed it in little pieces, i tore her pic up in little pieces, he was soooo mad, he was going to call the cops on me! for breaking and entering...of course he did'nt, but gee, dos'nt WS have any guilt or feeling of wrongdoing at all? He did finally admit to the A , but of course it was all my fault, i was lazy, fat, mean to him, i never gave him any s**, yeah right, what planet was this man from,,, Sorry, i've been working and i have 3 kids to keep up with, and DS being a baby, they do take some time,, so i guess whenever a marriage gets rough, its ok to have an A, Why did he even bother to keep any of the letters i wrote to him while he was gone.. I wonder if she read them and laughed at me. This was'nt her first affair, but it was WH's . He told everyone i tore his truck up that day.. lol. if he only knew what i wanted to do to it,,You know what really bothers me, i know it sound stupid, but the fact that he took her trash out for her really hurts, because he never offered to do that for me, i guess i should have been meaner or more assertive. Sorry for rambling on and on, but its 6a.m here and ican't sleep...

I believe it is a natural defence brought on by there own guilty conscious. I can't back that up. It's just my opinion.

Lisa,

If d-day was two years ago, and you have proof that he is still buying things for her as recently as January....why are still there? You were asking about Plan B last year in May....if contact has continued.....are you considering Plan B now? And if you're in Plan A....why aren't you confronting him about purchases for his mistress? Or exposing this affair?

wvgirl - Oh my goodness!!! What hurts you most is that he takes OW's trash out??? That made me spew my coffee all over the screen. You are too funny.

But I understand exactly what you mean.

Love,

The coat was on sale at 50% off. Wh could have gotten both of us a coat for the price of one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Orchid,

As usual, you put such a spin on things.

WV,

Sorry for your situation, but you know exactly what I am talking about.

Star,

Yes I confront him about everything I find out. This pas month we have been trying to develop a plan for recovery, but he has not maintained NC. He did for maybe 3days. There were many reasons I did not Plan B yet. Some emotional on my part and mostly because of our financial situation the past 2 years. Like I said earlier I want a full time job in place before I Plan B. I am working very hard on that right now.

BTW, WH called me last night and of course said he was with his friend P at the store and he bought the jacket and WH was just holding the reciept. Yeah okay. He also said at this point he really didnt care what I thought anymore anyway. And finally his last Dork statement: Is there anything of mine you dont go thru? (Meaning his wallet..that is where receipt was).

Someday he will get it.

L

Ok ladies you have me rolling on the floor. Sorry for what your H's did to you but this thread is to funny. Keep the fog lights on.

RHM

RHM,

Glad we could make you laugh. At this point I have to add humor to my situation or I would just be crying all the time.

Just saw WH at DD all-star game and I can hardly look at him. He noticed and said "What you cant even look at me now.? So I just looked at him blankly and he said "Dont even bother I will call you later." I said "Dont even bother."

Yeah I am losing everything I feel for him very rapidly right now. I have to do something fast to stop the bleeding.


L

<small>[ March 05, 2005, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: Lisa0705 ]</small>

Lisa....

This whole thread has made me laugh....and cry.

Their brains are gone.....so the easy thing to do is think that we are stupid.

My WH told DS recently that my snooping was driving a wedge between us.

Perhaps he doesn't think his lies, and his continuing the A are driving a wedge between us!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Like I said before, my snooping abilities went from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds after D-Day. I have thought of going into the PI business...LOL!!!

K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The anger and excuses I have seen from my WS are unbeliveable. Before her EA (or I should say, in between EA's) she was the sweetest girl I could ever find. Then she started screaming at me, using the f word, and once through a dish on the floor.

When I would question anything, she would get very angry.

Conversely, over the course of our marraige, my wife accused me of having affairs (never did). When she did, I always asked her why she thought that and I never, ever got angry. I did not get angry because it showed me that she cared for me and it showed me that it was bothering her. So, if your spouse gets angry when you ask them questions, they have a reason.

Not going to b because of lack of a job is not clearly thinking.

I went into B without a job. I also demanded him support my child and I. I got a job after filing and the separation agreement stipulated legally he had to pay us.

You're caught in a vicious cycle. He disrespects you after you catch him again...you get mad. He has contact again. You get mad after catching him.

How in the heck can you get a recovery plan into place when this guy is NOT about recovery at all? How do you figure he is ready for anything to do with recovery? He gets to eat cake all the time. Unless his cake source is taken away, he will remain a lover of cake ok? Do you get that?

Getting angry or having a d day or talking to a professional does nothing. Actions deserve reactions. Good ones get good reactions. Bad actions get bad reactions. Your xh needs to know the meaning of the word "consequence". Incidentally, I went into plan B 3 mos. before filing divorce in end. I had no job and a small child at home with no family anywhere near me.

He's gone all this time without any serious backlash from you. This has gone on long enough and it's time for you to show some strength and say "this is enough."

Unless he sees motivation to turn his lying ways around, he will keep doing it and you will remain stuck in this vicious cycle until one pulls out for good...that is if something doesn't work soon. It's time for MB counseling here, and to go to B.

My fav. quote is from Einstein:
"The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting the results to be different."

Lies....back to the funny part.

My xh used to say stuff that made me think I was either hallucinating or hearing things...I'd hear him talking on the phone to somebody (ow) but he'd say "What? You heard me say what?" And my xh once tried to make me think I was literally going insane. When my best friend caught his vehicle at OW's house red handed, I phoned OW (this was d day 1 btw) and toldher that I knew my H was over at her home, that the police were dispatched as he was in my vehicle without my permission, and that he was to return home. She hung up. My best friend took pictures btw of his car in her driveway...when he returned home in 30 minutes...my xh was carrying a package of new balance tennis shoes (what we both would wear...I still do) and some gummy bears in a gift bag. (I love gummy bears). He tried to convince me that I was being hysterical and that he'd been at the mall the whole time. That he bought the shoes and gummy bears at the mall.

Can you believe that one? No, I am at the mall...it's just an impersonator at OW's house.

Go figure.

I see it like this...

This is your brain (show egg)

This is your brain in affair mode! (put egg into food processor on high).

Any questions?