I read here more than I post, but I do have a question for you all particular. More curious than anything else.

I can see where your experience with recovery could be beneficial to other WS's who post/read here. But does this place ever serve as a 'trigger' for you in a negative way? I've read a number of Suzet's posts and her prolonged struggle with withdrawl and all, and you/she has given some good advice and enouragement. But do you ever have days where reading about the withdrawl and such that it makes you feel more vulnerable?

On the other hand, I can see where reading through all the heartbreak and pain that exist here would also serve to reinforce your recovery as well.

Care to comment?

Thanks in advance.

Blessings...

B4,

I think a lot of the answer to your question will depend on what stage of "Recovery" the WS is in. I will try to answer your question as thoroughly as I can.

When I first started posting here, I was at the end stages of withdrawal. And after reading here (because of course I read before posting as a WS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ), my perspective about the A started to change. I realized my relationship with OM was just like every other A - there was nothing special about it.

So, at that point, reading posts about withdrawal, etc only "triggered" how standard my A was.....and how I had risked my M for pretty much nothing but a series of momentary "highs." In other words, they triggered me to feel angry with myself.

As I grew, posted more, and began my personal recovery and what I thought was marital recovery, I would read new WS posts, and feel motivated to encourage them with their M - and to realize what the A really was....an escape....a coping technique....a diversion from what they should really be facing and working on - their M's and themselves.

Finally, now, as my M is ending and I continue my personal recovery.......the only posts I really trigger on are the ones that resemble issues I am working with with regards to changing my weaknesses in myself and the M. Occasionally, I will trigger if I see someone contemplating an A - or letting themself be vulnerable. But it is a trigger that reminds me of how dangerous and deceiptful the path to an A can be.

So, in essence, I do trigger. But not over the OM or withdrawal......I trigger remembering what a horrible choice I made. I trigger remembering how I made myself vulnerable. I trigger at what went wrong in our M. And I try to use those triggers to motivate my search for personal emotional health.

Sorry - not very articulate this morning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It happens! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So, in essence, I do trigger. But not over the OM or withdrawal......I trigger remembering what a horrible choice I made. I trigger remembering how I made myself vulnerable. I trigger at what went wrong in our M. And I try to use those triggers to motivate my search for personal emotional health.

Sorry - not very articulate this morning It happens! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LIT, VERY articulate answer. You answered exactly what I was thinking.

Good question b4long...

I don't think that I have triggers per say - but I am reminded of the pain that I caused, both to my husband and myself. Okay - so maybe that could be thought of a trigger now that I think of it.

If I can help in someone in any way then I can at least say I have taken this bad experience and made something positive out of it.

B4,

I would like to add that, for me, reading here can be a trigger for remorse. I already felt a great deal of remorse as a FWW....and to a point, it is necessary. But personally, I have had the experience where reading of other BS pain added remorse on top of remorse on top of remorse, and too much is not healthy and can hinder recovery.


NOW

B4Long,

Sorry for my late response. I mostly post during the week from work and I only noticed your post this morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

First, I agree with L.I.T. that the answers to your questions will depend on what stage of recovery the FWS is in. When I first started posting here and while I was still in the withdrawal, it was difficult for me to read/post here and made me feel vulnerable. For this reason I stopped posting here for a while and returned after I felt recovered from most withdrawal symptoms and more able to help & support others on this board. I’m in the ‘recovered’ stage now and reading and posting here doesn’t influence me in a negative way or serve as a ‘trigger’ for me anymore. However, I do experience much sympathy & empathy with many people here and I have this great need to provide encouragement and ‘hope’ where I can. Also, because I have been where certain FWS’s are today (early recovery and withdrawal) I want to provide hope and support because I KNOW there is hope for them and that they can heal. And by posting to BS’s (especially to BH on these boards), I’m hope my posts can provide insight to them into foggy heads of their own FWW’s who are in withdrawal/early recovery (this was the main purpose for my withdrawal thread). I find myself posting mostly to FWW’s still in early withdrawal/recovery or to BH’s who’re trying to understand their own FWW’s. It might sound strange, but my experience was such a big eye-opener and painful learning process for me that I almost feel compelled within myself now to use it to help, guide and provide insight to other members/people in general. I believe everything can have a good purpose in life (also the negative and painful ones) if we can share what we’ve learned/gained from it and if we can use it to help others.

Hope this could help to answer your questions. Feel free to ask any more questions you may have! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings,
Suzet

B4Long, just to make sure you receive my response! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />