Orchid, you are the expert at reverse babble. How to I reverse babble to my WW, because I broke her password to her Yahoo mail account and intercepted a message to her lover where she said "I Love you so much!". Now I'm getting the invasion of privacy speech. How do I counter.
I have been in sort of a Plan B but she keeps coming home. I am furious with her when she showed up this weekend. Basically told her she can't stay her anymore. She has moved to another city to be her "authenic self". But I have allowed her in my home for Tgiving and Christmas. Now she is back with this invasion speech. Help me reverse babble.

HINC,

How are you doing? It has been a long time since I have seen you post. Apparently, the A is still going on. Have you learned anything from her email that you did NOT know already or has she been making noises about coming back and ending the A?

I am sure Orchid will give you good adive, but I would like to suggest that you can learn nothing of use from her email as long as the affair is on. If she came back that would be one of conditions, that you have access to her email, voice mail, ect. Until then, I would guess this will only hurt you.

I thought you changed the locks on the house after she left and the separation agreement was signed. If not perhaps you should consider doing that.

Must go, but I am sorry that she still seems to be in the fog. How are the kids doing? Youngest should be in second semester right? Is he adjusting well to college.

God Bless,

JL

HINC, here is some good reverse babble for you:

GET OUT!

That should be clear enough. Grab her hand and escort her to the door.

You need to knock this crap off, HINC. Every time you allow her to come home for a HINC "fix" only prolongs her affair and causes her to lose more respect for you. Go into Plan B and stay dark and stop letting her come back and trounce all over you when the spirit moves her.

You are going through this over and over again because you didn't want to put your foot down the last time. Quit being a conflict avoider and put an end to this NOW.

<small>[ March 05, 2005, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> I am furious with her when she showed up this weekend. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why are you furious with her, HINC? She is doing what she knows she can get away with. And who allows her to do it?

MelodyLane, you are right. I have let her get away with "murder". Well I put my foot down this afternoon when she showed up after my golf game. I just looked at her and said "turn your [censored] around and get out. you don't belong here any more." A little crude but she got my point. I think this marriage is over. I just am not willing to put with this sh*t any longer.

HINC, did she LEAVE??

I sure would like to see you detach from her so that you can think straight about this situation. But that won't EVER happen if she keeps sniffing around when she needs a HINC "fix." Every time she comes over, she just drags you right back into her crap. At this rate, you will never be restored to sanity.

It might take a couple more times to make her believe you mean it, but today was a great start. BUT.........did she leave?

Surprisingly, ML she did leave. She spent the night with a friend. And left for her new town today. To be her "authenic self". She has already proved to me wht her "authenic self" is like.

Thank God, HINC! The last thing you need is to be dragged through her mud anymore. Can you prevent her getting in your house in the future?

Good job on taking a stand! I am sure she respects you much more for it.

HINC, how does she support herself?

Hopeful - I am so disappointed. I was thinking about you and your wife this morning. I thought no news was good news. I'm very sorry this is not working out. But I still think she will try to come back. She seems to need you.

ML, I know i deserve a huge 2x4 but she has not found a job in over 3 months. I have been paying her rent. But no more. I thought we had a chance but her email last week proves to me once again that we do not. We are over. I am not going to let her use me anymore. Maybe her loverboy who has plenty of money will support her now. Boy, I am having a hard time with how she used me. How can people be so callous and uncaring? I had even given her a key to the house. Which I took off her keyring yesterday when my son had her car.

I'm done with this mess. Springtime is a time of renewal and I am ready to be renewed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> Boy, I am having a hard time with how she used me. How can people be so callous and uncaring? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How can people volunteer for such abuse? That is what I don't get. The first time you were a victim, now you are a volunteer, HINC.

HINC, I agree very much you should stop paying her rent. Every penny you pay to her is a penny you contribute to your own demise and HER PERIL. Every penny puts her farther and farther from facing the consequences of her tragically destructive, hateful choices. Every penny is another day she can inflict some more damage on the OM's wife and children.

You are simply protecting her from ever learning from her mistakes. You are giving whiskey to an alcoholic, HINC.

<small>[ March 06, 2005, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Your right ML, I have been a volunteer. No more. She has seen the last penny from me. I am a classic conflict avoider.
Point well taken Melody Lane. Thanks for responding to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong>

I'm done with this mess. Springtime is a time of renewal and I am ready to be renewed. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very, very wise words from a very good man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Invasion of privacy? Hm.... well if that ain't an over used WS piece of crappy babble. LOL!!!

Ok, you need to set your boundaries. As for her privacy, let her know that when she is single she can have all the privacy she wants but as a married couple, she choose to give that up when she married. Good grief. A spouse has privacy because there is trust. Where is your trust in her? Ask her what has she done to restore your trust in her? For all you know her privacy could consist of anything vile and wicked.

When my WS pulled that crap on me (he did so several times and so did the stupid OW for that matter - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ), when WS said that I retorted, what do you need privacy for unless it is t/d something wicked? If so, then why should you be given privacy? Then I walked away.

So you can respond in a way that does not give her an answer but instead gives her back her babble.

Let her know she is not the only one to babble those words. Let her know that other WS have uttered the same crap and as far as you know, none of them have found happiness in that kind of privacy. Yep, tell her that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JMHO,
L.

I said to Squid (Before NC was in place) after she was agry at my accessing hr cell records online :

"When I can believe you are not doing anythng damaging to our kids, our marriage or my reputation, I will stop independently verifying your activities. Until then I will take every precaution to gather intelligence to save our marriage. You want me to stop nosing, well stop doing bad things in secret. You haven;t sad a true word to me in months now. You REALLY expect me to just take your word for it that no contact exists between OM and you? ".

I got a swear word back. She was busted and embarassed.

Dunno if that helps. People with nothing to hide nide nothing. While you are married, and suspect a threat to your M, you must do whatever you need to protect it.

Thanks to all who responded to me. She left yesterday after spending the weekend with the next door neighbor. I wouldn't allow her to stay with me after the email I read from her. I am calm and ready to move on with my life without her. My youngest son is home for spring break from college and he and I spent some good time together this weekend. I tried to not involve him in this mess. I just told him I was tired of what she was doing. He seemed to understand. So no more money for WW from me and since the separation agreement has been signed and the children are considered legal adults, I don't see any reason to communicate with her.

JL-young son is doing great in school. 2nd semester freshman and enjoying the college life. The only time I hear from him is when he needs money.

HINC,

You have gotten some good advice here. I also struggled with not financially supporting my FWS. I wondered how he would support himself even though he is an able-bodied adult. I asked that question on the board and I was gently 2x4'd saying I was under no obligation to support him--he was not my child or my pet.

As I recall, Noodle coined the now famous line, "never shelter someone from the consequence of their own decisions." Yep...that turned it around for me and I went to Plan B without financial support. When FWH would talk with me about it...no...more like yell at me about it...I did not answer. He sought legal advice and all....I readied myself also with legal advice--but I did not support him. The reality of it all finally hit him and he emerged from the fog. So do not offer WS financial support or shelter....do not allow her to fence sit. The tie that binds should not be $$. You are a good person and you have alot to offer....go to Plan B dark and preserve what love you have left....you'll need it for recovery.

Glad to hear your son is doing well...hope you will be doing better. God bless HINC.

Hi HINC,

Good basketball game last night in your part of the country, right? Who were you rooting for?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JL-young son is doing great in school. 2nd semester freshman and enjoying the college life. The only time I hear from him is when he needs money.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

In another words, everything is PERFECTLY normal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

"Hi Dad, say could you...?" Gotta love it.

I think you are making the correct move with your W. As long as OM is in her live, you really cannot be in her heart and as her H you should be. Time to step back and see what happens as the meter runs. If I recall correctly, your year will be up around August correct?

Take care and hang in there, these things do change in strange ways.

God Bless,

JL

JL, I was rooting for the Blue Devils. Great game we just came up a little short.

The time frame you mention is actually early September. But since I let her back in for a spell I may have to extend the date. I will check with my attorney when it gets a little closer to the time.
I am determine to move forward with her or without her. I have found out I can do quite well on my own. although not a domestic goddness by any means I can feed and clothe myself.