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My husband and I got married at a very young age and we have really been through alot. We have been married now for almost 4 years. My parents have a ministry that he no longer wants to be apart of.. We have been seperated many times. This time we have lived together for 7 months without seperating. I am at a place where I refuse to go through seperation again by my choice. I deal with alot of his short comings, such as unforgiveness. He acts as he is the victim about everything that happens to him and he often forgets the wrongs that he does. He is distant from my family, and at times distant from me. It seems that I am always pushing for us to do things the right way. Like with money
our money, I want us to save together, pray together, read together... It seems that the closer I want for us to be the more independent he wants to be. He says that I am very insecure and he cannot live with this. Every so often when we have disagreements he will say wrong things but make the things that I say out to be the worst. It is like a pattern. Every time we come back together we start out well and then overtime when we have responsibilities and challenges he begins to say that I have problems and I need personal counseling or he will leave. In the times that I have left he begs for me to return??? I am so confused. He has his own problems that he could use a personal counselor for but I don't give him ultimatums. Now he is saying that I am to insecure and if he does not see proof that I have a personal counselor by friday he is leaving. I am prepared to let him go, not that I am giving up but I don't think that threatening me is fair because I love him through his challenges and imperfections. Please help!
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Wow. It seems like you have a lot of problems with your husband. Also he doesn't seem too mature. What are his good points, and why did you marry him?
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Joined: Sep 2002
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D,
Has it occured to you that he has to want what you want for there to be agreement? I get the feeling that you have this attitude of "rightness" that he may not always find compatable with.
Coach
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Joined: Mar 2005
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> How old are y'all? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am 22 years old and he just turned 27
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Joined: Mar 2005
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Wow. It seems like you have a lot of problems with your husband. Also he doesn't seem too mature. What are his good points, and why did you marry him? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I definately do my best to focus in on the good points. He is a great father to our son, He is very focused at his age. We got married because we were young and in love and really not completely grown up but we have both matured alot since the first day we actually got married. We have had to grow together and that has been pretty hard.
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Okay - what kind of things does he feel you need counseling for?
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Joined: Mar 2005
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Okay - what kind of things does he feel you need counseling for? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He feels I need counseling for an insecurity problem and anger management because sometimes when I get upset I raise my voice.
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One big problem I see here is both of you see seperation as an option when there are problems. You are running away from your problems instead of dealing with them. This is not a healtly environment for your Son to grow up in. Think about what you are teaching him. You both need counseling to learn how to deal with problems and definately marriage counceling. You can't do this on your own. If you want your Marriage to survive you must insist on this. Otherwise I see you both continuing this destructive behavior.
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Can I ask you why you posted your concerns on an Infidelity message board? Were you directed here or is there more to this story?
Do YOU think you need counseling and if so,what for?
O
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong> Can I ask you why you posted your concerns on an Infidelity message board? Were you directed here or is there more to this story?
Do YOU think you need counseling and if so,what for?
O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To be honest, this is my first time posting on this sight. And I thought that I would be getting advice from Dr. Harley, not from anyone else...
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You can call to make an appointment for phone counseling with the Harley's. Are you dealing with infidelity? Are you in MC?
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithful follower:
<strong> You can call to make an appointment for phone counseling with the Harley's. Are you dealing with infidelity? Are you in MC? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We have marriage counselors who we have been attempting to get an appointment with. No we are not dealing with infidelity. I do not know why it was posted in this area. This is my first time posting something.
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Hi again,
Well it's great news that you are not dealing with Infidelity.You do have some fairly serious Marital and communication issues but it doesn't sound hopeless.There are so many good books to read on how to better your marriage and become better partners.
There is a lot of what I see as classic conflict issues regarding your marriage: resentment,victimization,conflict avoidance,disresepct,etc,etc.A lot of which can occur without the proper knowledge and experience of relationships.You admitted to getting married very young and that can play a part IMO.The choice now though is if you BOTH want to make this marriage work and you can both learn to do so but the will has to be there.
Your current method for handling all this is failing.
O
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