I feel as though something is missing from my relationship with my wife. This feeling has been growing stronger and stronger over the past weeks. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I am attracted to her anymore. And on top of everything, I have been having very strong feelings for another woman. I find that I feel the happiest I have in a long time when I am with her. I know this supposedly means that she must be filling some emotional need that my wife is not, but I don't even know what that need is. My wife is a good wife and a great person; I never want to hurt her, but what about my happiness? What is wrong?

hi mgd, can you tell us more. how long married, do you have kids, etc...

this site is a fantastic source. happy marriages are not easy!!! but they are possible. obviously you must be willing to work on yours, i assume that is why you are here. keep posting

Welcome mgd. Way past my bedtime, so expect to see alot of typos!

Like fl said, this is a great site you/ve discovered. Keep reading and familiarize yourself with the terms and principles. And bes ure to start reading.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And on top of everything, I have been having very strong feelings for another woman.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First and foremost, realize you are married. Establish NC and yesterday. (Besides you reading, there's gonna be a lot of trust here on MB. To clue you in, I too was a WS who had an EA and broke NC.) You can NOT work on you and your marriage with this OW in the picture. However you want to justify it or rationalize it, it can't be done. BTDT.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I find that I feel the happiest I have in a long time when I am with her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know you but I don't believe you. But, really, only you know. Have you *always* felt this way? Probably not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know this supposedly means that she must be filling some emotional need that my wife is not, but I don't even know what that need is.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There's a questionaire on the site. You need to sit down wih your wife and fill it out. (Telling her openly and honestly what's been going on with you would be a good idea too.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife is a good wife and a great person; I never want to hurt her, but what about my happiness? What is wrong? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Something set you off (gradually) for you to be looking outside of your marriage. Yes, your happiness is important too. But, why look elsewhere, right? Your wife probably doesn't know what is wrong. (But don't fool yourself if she may think that there is something wrong.)

It's a two way street; not three way street.

Good luck, God bless--stick with us. We'll help you through.

I have been having very strong feelings for another woman

translation...
I mgd am having an emotional affair with a "friend."

I mgd am taking energy away from my marriage and spouse and am applying it to another woman...

I mgd am investing thoughts that should be going to my wife to another woman..

I mgd am using energy of looking forward to seeing this other person more than I am expending energy on being excited about seeing/being with my wife...

I mgd am acting charming and witty and happy to another woman instead of expending these gifts to my wife...

I mgd spend loads of time thinking about this other woman

I mgd am now questioning whether I am IN LOVE with my wife...though I think I love her...I'm not sure I am IN love with her

I mgd am choosing to have an emotional affair...

I mgd am starting to buy in to crap like people fall out of love

I mgd am choosing not to cherish my wife and am choosing to cherish another woman above her....

I mgd is the one creating and feeding this conflict.

I mgd am hurting my wife to the core each and every time I have contact with this 'friend'

I mgd could stop this if I cut contact with this friend and invest the same and even more energy in to my wife and marriage...

I mgd could have a fabulous marriage...
if I use all my energy and talent to make it so..

beg to differ anyone?

ARK

ark is so correct, listen to her.

Make NC and make it now because fog is starting to set in. You are heading for a world of hurt.

Talk to your wife, get some counseling, be honest. Read His Needs / Her Needs with your wife.

I can't express to you how important it is for you to start NC NOW. Your feelings for the OW will go away if you don't see her.

mgd - hello .... how ya doin'? I'm LINY's W. I agree that NC (No Contact) and RH (Radical Honesty) are the definitely in order. Your W deserves this ... don't underestimate her. She may be able to give you some insight to her side of your marriage. As I said to my H on D-day .... "I'm still in here!". It's to easy to forget that when you are being distracted by your own feelings on your life and marriage (and of course an OP).

Sit her down say "Honey .... I feel like something missing ......". It could save your marriage. You might be surprised if she says "Me too!". Then work from there.

Stick with MB .... so many people here can and will help you.

JMHO (Just My Honest Opinion)

Brown

Don't be sill;y and destroy people around you

MGD-

I believe it's a good sign that you're even searching for a solution to all this. It means that YOU KNOW it's not right to feel what you feel with this other woman. I agree that you must end contact with her IMMEDIATELY and talk to your wife. It'll be hard, but I'm willing to bet she senses something is wrong.

Ark-

You, my friend, have it EXACTLY right, no argument here.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mgd:
<strong> And on top of everything, I have been having very strong feelings for another woman. I find that I feel the happiest I have in a long time when I am with her.What is wrong? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is wrong is that you are detaching from your W as you are attaching to this woman. Dump the OW and work on your marriage. Having an affair won't help the problems in your marriage, it will cause enormous destruction, pain and grief. For both you and your wife. I PROMISE you this.

You are playing with fire and are about to get severely burned if you don't wake up and knock off the nonsense.

Hey mgd
I was once where you are now, and take it from me, don't just let things "progress" with the other woman. Get back into what you and your wife are about. I went ahead and looked to the OM for something I felt I was not getting, and I have regretted it everyday since. I love my H and truly and sincerely wish I coudol turn back time and do things differently. The OW looks good right now, but try to turn it around. What if you were with the OW in a marriage, with all the accompanying bills, in-law problems, and all the boring everyday things that are just part of life? Perhaps if you were, and your W was someone you worked with or just saw occasionally, SHE would look pretty interesting. All I am trying to say here is that marriage is not easy and romantic, it is work, too. I think you should talk to your wife and tell her about this attraction. She deserves to know so she can be involved in your life. Shutting her out is the first step to possibly doing something you will regret later on.