I put in the divorce papers today.

I think i better do the right thing before i end up doing the wrong thing.

Last week i met someone interesting by coincident.I went out with him for casual date 3 times. OP is nice and has all the qualities lack in my WH. I was immediately drawn to him but i knew i could not get involve with OP while still legally married to WH. It made me realised what im missing in life by waiting for WH to make a decision.

Before i get the 2x4 from you guys for going out with OP...let me get it straight that i have told OP not to contact me until after 3 months. I needed the time to think. I also want to do the right thing...i hope asking OP to stop contacting me is the right thing to do.

I am now back into my limbo mode...living life as is. I cannot wait for my divorce to be final. Its about time i move on. I postponed the decision to file like 5 times...i believe my heart has already let WH go and accept whatever is in store for me in future.

I dont hate WH but even if he comes crawling and begging for forgiveness...i would not take him back. His character is flawed and i do not want to live with a man like that anymore.

I cried enough, work to save the marriage by myself hard enough and waited long enough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hey zz...been pretty slow this weekend...didn't want your post to go unresponded to. As long as you are OK with your decision (and it seems so) and you have done everything *you* possibly have could have (for you and your M--and it seems as though you have), who can complain? Who can raise their 2x4's? (Especially when you spelled it out to OP?)

Good for you. Keep your head up!

Zizzy, only YOU know when your M recovery is truly dead.

If you can look in a mirror and see someone who did all they could to save their Marriage, you can ask no more of yourself.

I would say that loneliness is a terrible thing, please don't give up early because you're lonely.

All blessings and happiness !

ZZ,

This is not a 2 X 4, more like an observation.

I think a BS is entitles to divorce anytime the WS has ended the marriage via adultery. You can do so when you want guilt free. I am reluctant to endorse the “I know when it’s time” approach though.

Emotions are fickle and transient. One may feel discouraged one day and hopeful the next. It’s difficult to know when it’s the “right time” based on ones feelings at any given time. FaithfulnewsCJ wrote some post on the heart and mind being “in synch” recently that may help; I don’t have the link handy. Others far more skilled than I in the probings of our emotions can also articulate the complex subject with far more eloquence than I can muster.

I wanted to post to this though, as I can relate to the feelings and point of view. My situation has been going on nearly as long as yours. As a heterosexual male with a very healthy libido I certainly can relate to the desire for some companionship of the opposite sex. I can almost view my emotions from a detached way as I watch myself with interest in regards to what I feel. I see myself consciously aware of situations where I may meet eligible women. I now rarely see the future as one that includes my WW. I am keenly aware that I am now quite likely the “biggest threat to the marriage”. Even the feeble rumours I hear of my WW possible re-evaluating her choices draws little interest from me anymore. I am merely going through the motions until I reach my predetermined date I have set. My trust is now in the testimonials of others that have said the feelings can be rekindled if the right approach is taken. I have no basis of experience to comment on that personally, but do believe love is a choice.

I set that date, though, during a time when I dearly wanted my WW back. As it looms, I will keep “playing by the rules” until it arrives. Though right now, as I speak, I feel I could file tomorrow. I don’t trust me though. I had a yummy mommy suggest we go out sometime. As nice as the overture was, I now am doubly certain I cannot trust my emotional approach to the divorce decision. I hate thinking that I would have an albeit relatively small reward for such a significant decision. I will wait for my date and proceed accordingly. If I ever needed discipline it is now. As bOb pure says, it would be a shame to proceed out of loneliness.

Good luck on the rest of your journey.

LINY, Thanks for responding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bob Pure and Binder...its not just about loneliness. I realised the problem lies in WH's character. WS never tried to save this marriage. In fact sometimes i think WS plan B'ed ME instead of the other way round. WS did not even lift a finger to try or to work with me. All he cared about was losing OW and was more afraid of that.

WS never thought of the consequence of his action. The pain he created for me and daughter.

I want a man with good values and principals. WS does not have it. If he did he would have ended his affair long time ago...why this lasted long because I HAD THAT VALUE. I hang on to my value that family should be together and my vows.

Even if the affair ended i dont think he would make any effort to change.

ZC, you know your heart which is recovery of sorts.

All blessings to you as you embark on this painful stage of your life.

{{{{ZC}}}}

Hiya {{Ziz}},

Well,I am proud of you.You have stuck it out as long as anyone here and I don't blame you at all for making this decision.I think for many,there comes a time when your heart and mind are in sync,like Binder eluded to.I had that moment and it sounds like you did too.It just would have wnet on eternally if we didn't make a move you know? Now my WH can use the "excuse" that I filed so the decision was made for him but so what? I did it for ME,not him.

You will be ok no matter what.And a gentle 1x2(not a 2x4 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )IMO you should not have been involved in any way with someone else until you were offically D'd and had time to heal and I hope this OM didn't pressure you in any way since you were still technically married.But,you know me,I am a diehard vow keeper till the very end.I am glad you are waiting for 3 months after the D to contact this man again.That's a good choice.

You deserve many good things and you have waited long enough.I am right there with you,wanting this D of mine to be over once and for all too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

O