I was reflecting back on my discovery day in July. It was a tough time for me as I just completed alcohol rehab and my wife had already let me know she had serious questions about our marriage. My first tip was intuition, my next was a cell phone bill. I confronted my wife with it and once she realized she could lie about who she was talking to she came back with the ‘just friends’ line. She tearfully told me how she has no one to talk to, that all her old friends never call, etc. I actually felt bad for her.
I still called and confronted OM that same morning. Same denial ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’. Once assured of proof he came back with ‘it’s not what you think’. I really wanted to sit down – all four of us – wife, OM, OMW, and myself. This idea was vehemently opposed by my wife. My wife was highly upset I called OM (‘just friends’ - huh) and was worried I embarrassed him.
In hind site I should have carried through with what my gut instincts told me to do. At the time is was an emotional wreck and believed I was being ‘paranoid’, as my wife put it. I now feel that if had carried through with my meeting idea (a.k.a. exposure) things would be much different right now (one way or the other). I feel I would have had more forgiveness since my actions could be cited as a man in a jealous rage.
But instead I gave a tentative OK for them to be friends, making my wife fully aware ‘I don’t like it’. Contact fell off substantially and we made great progress in the month or so to follow. I turned my life around and she liked it, but she went back to her old ways once school started up again (OM kids in same class as DS7).
I lingered obsessing about their relationship until late December and dropped the bomb on the OMW then. S**t hit the fan and end of marriage venom spewed from my wife’s mouth. She looks back past the months of my self-improvement and brings up issues (I call them indictments) from way in the past.
Today I wish I followed my gut instincts in July. Hindsight is 20/20.
