Dear posters,

I know enid is not at work today and won’t be able to post. I think we will 'hear' from her again tomorrow. Thanks for everyone’s help & advice so far with this. I feel very concerned about enid’s situation and I hope things can work out… Please continue to keep an eye on this thread and to give her your help, advice & support.

Thanks and God bless to you all, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

ForeverHers, thank you for you responses. You have given me a lot to think about. My H has also had prostrate problems and had an operations a number of years ago. . .I think this has also contributed to the ED problem But you need to remember that the ED problems started many years ago. . .I would say at least 20 years ago. He was in his thirties when it first started. That is why I have often wondered if it was psychological. . .I think in those days he had the odd A or two. When I think back on those years I can actually pinpoint times when I thought he was having an A. I never had concrete proof but his behaviour and actions indicated an A. So I think the psychologically he became impotent so that he couldn't have A's anymore. We lived a more of less sex free life for about 20 years and during that time I never once suspected or "felt" that he was having an A. No sooner had viagra come onto the market then he started this four year A and during those four years he changed dramatically. He was depressed and suicidal all the time. In fact he was a nightmare to live with. I got him to the doctor for his depression because I was so worried about him. I knew that something was very wrong during those four years but I didn't suspect an A. We had those 20 years behind us where I never once suspected A's, unlike the first 15 years of our marriage and I do think that he psychologically hated himself for having A's and eventually because he was having the odd A here and there during our first 15 years of marriage he became "impotent" psychologically because of what he was doing. This last A he used viagra during the entire A and couldn't become "impotent" because of what he was doing so instead he became depressed and suicidal. Do you understand what I am trying to say. I may be way off base but I do know my H and basically he is a good man with high principles and I think he has spent so much time warring with these two personalities within himself that he has never given himself any peace.

For the first time in our 38 years together I sense some peace within him. I think me finding positive proof of the last A was a great shock to him and I think he saw how much he hurt me. He has never been a "contented" man. . .always needed "one more thing" to make him happy and I always allowed him to have that "one more thing". The list is endless. . .fishing, golf, motor car racing, motor bike, hang gliding, parachute jumping, bungee jumping. . .Oh I could go on and on. I told him that this last A was just "one more thing" that he wanted but this time it hurt badly and did a lot of damage.

We had a little chat last night and I mentioned the testorone thing to him and suggested that I make an appointment for him to have his prostrate checked again (he is due for a check up) and at the same time get the doctor to do a testorone level check.

Its great getting a man's point of view and I thank you for taking the trouble in answering me.

bump for ForeverHers

^^^Bump again for ForeverHers^^^

Okay, I'm a tad confused. Two "bumps," yet I don't see anything to respond to. Is there a question in there somewhere that has not been addressed?

The question is, do you think that the ED could be psychological? In the light of his A's during our first 15 years of marriage and then no A's for 20 years (while he was totally impotent). Then an A as soon as viagra comes on the market which causes major depression and suicidal tendencies.

I may be way out of line here but I think he has these two personalities which he wars with inside himself. He hated himself for having A's and consequently became ED. . .then he had an A using viagra and consequently became depressed and suicidal. Do you see the connection or am I just looking for a reason?

By the way, since the A ended he is no longer depressed or suicidal.

^^^Bump^^^

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The question is, do you think that the ED could be psychological? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes. I already answered this question previously; Okay, if this is correct, then the problem is not the plumbing, unless there are other physical problems. The problem is psychological and emotional.


Most likely it is a combination of all three, Physical, Psychological, and Emotional.

You have a physcial examination scheduled, right? That is to confirm or eliminate a physical cause or contributor to the problem.

IC might be of help if the problem is based in a psychological problem. Just make sure it's with a competent Psychiatrist.

If it's more motional, you both need to be looking at your Emotional Needs honestly.

Enid, many women find it hard to believe because of all the advertising "hype," but just about anything that "breaks" a man's concentration during the act of marriage can cause a loss of an erection. The biggest problem is when the focus by either of the partners is on "performance," "method," etc., instead of simply enjoying and appreciating each other. "Technique" instead of love may work while the parts are young....but even cars have parts that "wear out" over time, they don't do the quarter mile as fast as they used to, and they still give great pleasure to someone who loves "older cars" and takes the time to "be with them and care for them." In our "disposable" society of "use 'em, toss 'em out, and get a "new model," getting to KNOW someone biblically is often seen as "too much work" or "I'm too scared to try that."

If someone really wants to grow closer to their spouse in all ways, it begins with each person's walk with Christ. It begins with an exclusive commitment to each other "for better or for worse." It begins with trusting God to be faithful to HIS part in your marriage covenant.

As you both become more "Christ-like" in your walking with God, the "distance" between you and God shortens. AS that is happening, the "distance" between husband and wife is also getting smaller and smaller. God IS a member of all Christian marriages and the husband and wife ARE part of the "bride of Christ."

.........God
........../\
........./--\
......../----\
Wife/____\Husband


Assuming that the problem is a "relational" problem between you and your husband, you need to do some research on impotence, it's causes(all men tend to experience the inability to get or keep an erection at some point in their lives), how it becomes a "self-fulfilling prophecy in a man's mind(i.e. ONE failure begets another, begets another, etc.), and how a couple can work together in gentle, patient, love, to "overcome" the problem.

God bless.