OK, most of you know me bu now... fka Momma's Sad and Tx-RN... anyway

My road block is getting past the A (isn't it for all of us?!)

HOW DO I:

Stop trying to figure out why? Why did he betray me AGAIN?!

Stop wanting to exact revenge on OW for her part... she readily goes afer MM and I still want to hurt her!

Stop replaying the fog-talk in my head over and over again?

Let go of the desire to run for the hills and quit? (since WH [b]is[b] trying)

From feeling like he will just do it again and I am setting myself up for more hurt?

Get the nerve up to go to doc and have the STD screening? (ducking 2x4s... I am so embarassed!)

Pray in ernest for him and I? I can pray for everyone else, but my faith for "us" seems damaged.

Lay the rest of this mess at the Cross and stop trying to carry it myself?

Stop feeling like the world is spinning faster than I can hold on?

Transplant,

MY FWH and I have been reading SAA together. It has really given both of us some new perspectives on how this terrible thing happened to us,why it happended, and the role that each of us played in getting to that point to begin with.

We have actually been able to LOL about how OW actually LB'd my FWH out of the A. He went from feeling friendship (never love he says, but I'm still not sure about that), to pity, and finally to hatred towards her.

I can sure identify with you on the despising the OW thing. Even though I have come to realize that it was never about her to begin with, she was the result of what was missing between my H and I, not the cause of it.

I still resent that she plotted and schemed to wreck my marriage. She pretended to support my H emotionally as a friend, laying her admiration for him on real thick while she tried to convince him to end his M. He came to realize that no matter how much she claimed to care about him, she didn't care at all about what he wanted.

What he ultimately concluded was that he wanted a better marriage with me, not an A with her.

Some times they come out of the FOG on their own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, I do think she (OW) was going at this w intention... she offered and he was like "ok, yeah, that sounds cool!"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Of course I am assuming, cause he cannot even tell me what he was thinking!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have read SAA after last A, but either lent it out or lost it so I need to get a new copy... I have quite a few books to read though! As far as him reading it too...doubt it. He has worked some of the HNHN checklists though.

I do want FWH to hate OW too (he hates the last one!) That would help me, I am sure!! He is starting to see her more through reality than those rose-colored glasses, but says he pitys her!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Not helping, dear! I could care less how sucky she had it! Look at my past and where I am... life is full of choices! She made alot of really poor ones! Psycho!

It helps that he was starting to realize she was off her rocker and controlling, too (something he was trying to escape w/me!) She had already started planning their future together after he revealed the A and didn't bother consulting him about it!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> She kept telling ME to move on....not on your life sister, I will use him up and then you might can have him!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> JK! But really, how nutty do you have to be to fall madly in "love" after 3 weeks and expect your lover to leave his W of 14 yrs and kids for you?! He swears he told her that was not going to happen, but admits he did not discourage her when she spoke of it!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How far into this are you?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Well so much for my peace!

OW is back at the gym on her normal schedule, which means there are three evenings a week that FWH will potentially see her (and I am sure he will). He says he is over her, he says that he is not wanting her, that he wants to work on us... I am really struggling that she is still around!

As a couple, we are interacting better...mostly avoiding the LBs and trying to be nice... not quite as angry, although when I saw her today I wanted to run her over w/ my car! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

We are having SF (and I have an appt next week to get checked, been procrastinating!) talking and trying to heal... but I am so tired of her!!! Her face, her smirk, her fake saccharin voice, everything!

Now what?

fwh was really down tonight, acting withdrawn, etc.

he said it was nothing but "nicotine withdrawl" and I do know he missed 2 days of AD cause he was out, and replaced it this afternoon.

still, I am triggering like crazy. He says it is ok, he is "fine". He still loves me and wants to work on this M, he says he does not want OW.

Is it me? Is it him? I am so confused! I am trying not to read too much into everything... I am good at that! But I also know that I have heard alot of words and am trying to read his actions

...and I still want to run OW over!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />