I got through the weekend with the help of friends and family and actually got a lot of much needed rest. Still many thoughts tormenting me about the direction I should take this. She filed for divorce on Friday. I havent been served with the papers, but looking at them online, I noticed that they dont even come close to spelling my name right. So, I have been advised to not sign them because the name is not me. All that is going to do is make them have to go back and refile. I will see what my attorney says to do this afternoon. I am really conflicted. I dont want to be taken advantage of any more than I already have been. But at the same time, after reading Romans this weekend and looking at what the scripture says about treating our enemies in a way that might lead them to salvation, I wonder how hard God would want me to fight her demands? I really feel like my brain is just silly salad right now. While in church yesterday, I was praying (the sermon was on marriage and love)and I had a vision enter my head of my WW coming to me sobbing uncontrollably and wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me as harder than she ever has, while begging for my forgiveness. I asked God if this is my mind playing tricks on me and if it was to rid the vision from my head. It has not left me. So, last night, I told God that I would wait for 24 hours for a sign that the vision was from Him. If there is no sign, I will pray fervently to rid myself of that vision. Thats where I am right now. Cant wait to hear what my attorney has to say.

If you know that God is telling you to do something then be obedient to God. God will reward you twice fold for your obedience.
Best Wishes,
God Bless,
Stormy

Thanks Stormy! I really appreciate your replies and your encouragement. I am going to have to research your sitch so that I might be able to do the same for you. My problem right now, is that I feel like I need more clarity from God. I know that I have to act on faith, but at the same time, I dont want to confuse what is His will and what is not. We will see. I might try and meet with my pastor this evening.

It sounds like you are on the right track. Keep praying and talk with supportive Christians who know you and your wife and want the best for both of you.

Most of my story is on a link through Emotional Needs posted by be about How to meet sexual needs of Husband while maintaining my Christian values. I desperately want my marriage to work and am trying to follow plan B. We have a lot of serious issues. I stand on the word All things are possible through Christ when we come to Jesus we are new in Christ, etc.

You will continue to be in my prayers.
God Bless,
Stormy

Stormy,
I read your thread on EN. I am so sorry for you and what you are going through. I thought about the old proverb, "I cried because I had no shoes until I saw the man that had no feet." My situation is bad, but I am not the only one. You know, one thing I have thought about and it kinda relates to your sitch as well, is that if and when I am ready for another relationship... the #1 thing for me is where is this person with her spirituality? I thought my WW was there with me, but I was fooled. Anyway, off to lunch and to the attorney's office. I am starting to think, lets get this over with asap. I will keep you in my prayers. By the way, I live in SA.

Readings others stories reminds me that I am not alone and that if they can survive and come out a stronger r person then somehow I can too. That is ironic you are in SanAntonio. We moved from there to try and get away from some of our bigger problems. Moving away helped in the beginning, but with time problems started to resurface again.

Stay Strong,
Stormy

Had a very good meeting with my attorney. He has gone up against her attorney twice and in his words "ate him for lunch both times." He said her atty. wont prepare or work hard on a case that isnt well funded. I told him she had no money and that the only way if he was well funded was because OM was doing it. He said he would find out where her retainer fee came from. He also said that we would provide them with a list of what we want in the settlement and if they didnt give it to us, we would slowly start to unload our ammunition until they cave. He said one of the first things he would do, would be to take a deposition from OM. He said that as soon as he does that OM will bale out completely. He also said that sometime in the next 60 days he felt that it was highly likely that WW will ask for reconciliation. I told him I dont know what I would do right now if and when that time came. Its kind of funny that he would say that, given the vision I had in church yesterday morning and the prayer I offered last night to God about sending me a sign to prove to me the vision was from him and not my own mind playing tricks on me.
Anyway, I feel much better having been told that no matter what, I will keep my home and my retirement, my dogs, and most of my assets because she was the one that left and had an affair.
My attorney also said he would do a little more research on the intentional infliction of emotional distress, interference with a marital relationship, and conspiring to deny a right and just disposition of assets charges against OM. He wants to make sure that it is a more than a longshot to recover damages before filing.

Deposition from OM is a good strategy - if you don't have to file or counterfile. How does the "adultery" angle get introduced if she files on the basis of "irreconcilable differences" or whatever such that OM even gets into the picture?

This would be excellent info to share for the benefit of others on the forum.

WAT

My atty said that since there werent any children involved that the case would not ever go to trial. He said that all we would be wrangling over would be assets and that it would likely just be negotiated between him and the other attorney. So, I guess he would just use the adultery proof as a bargaining chip. The other chip is the requesting of depositions from co-workers, which would result in the workplace exposure of the affair and WW and OM's subsequent termination from their jobs. He said they wont want to go that far. As I suspected, and I believe God led me, not to expose at workplace until I have to do so. I know that others didnt agree with me on this earlier, and what may be right for my sitch may not be right for others. I just did what I felt I had to do.

WAT,
just wanted to bump this as I replied to you just before the boards went down yesterday. I hope this answers your question. Oh yeah, one thing to add.....my attorney also represents the owner of the Minnesota Vikings and is very well connected in this town. And guess what, as he is a personal friend of mine, he is only charging me $1,500. I thought that was a pretty good deal. What do you think?

$1500 sounds like a good deal.

I am not an attorney, so perhaps this is why I don't understand how OM and especially co-workers can be deposed if you don't counterfile on the basis of adultery. Why else would there be a reason to depose them?

BTW - I still disagree with your decision NOT to expose in the workplace unless there was continued evidence of turmoil in the affair - which is an excellent reason NOT to expose to anyone, i.e., let it self destruct. Exposure via co-worker depositions is still exposure and you're still the perpetrator of it. It's only later, and possibly less effective, than it would have been otherwise. But it's your decision. That said, deposing co-workers is BETTER exposure than your exposure alone, because it's coming from an attorney and thus, right or wrong, carries more credibility than from a BS.

WAT

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

WAT,
when my atty makes the allegation of adultery to other atty, he says they will fold immediately. I got word also, that WW and OM are defecating themselves as we speak, for fear they are going to lose their jobs. She asked one mutual friend of ours (who tells me everything and detests her actions) to delete any emails between us from his business email addy. He has alerted the tech support department about what is going on. As my pastor told me, the rats will try and scurry from the light of exposure. Also, WW's parents have agreed with me that she needs psych help and are pressuring her to get it. Also, she emailed a friend of hers that on Friday (the day she filed) she spent all day crying and is scared about what is going to happen to her. This is one messed up puppy right now. I do not feel sorry for her as she has done this all on her own accord and could not see the train wreck coming because of the fog. I think her crash is coming soon. Just going to sit back and watch it.

You're in the cat bird seat. Just watch and be ready to be the White Knight - when the right time comes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CrushedNTexas:
<strong>As my pastor told me, the rats will try and scurry from the light of exposure.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ditto - but usually used to describe cockroaches. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously, plan ahead for your likely role as White Knight. I can't advise you here since I never had the chance. A good time to council with Steve H. to prepare.

WAT

Dear Crushed,

I am a Tx Atty also, and $1500 is dirt cheap. Just be prepared for the unexpected. Divorces are never predictable. I am sorry you are having to go through this.

I am curious about one thing. I have looked for ways to look at filings online for Bexar County & I have never been able to find them. If you don't mind, I would like to have the site.

Isit,
here is the website..... http://www.co.bexar.tx.us/dclerk/

WAT,
what is the White Knight? I think I know, but any info you can provide me would be appreciated.

White Knight > her rescuer! You know, you ride in on the white horse and save the day! You embrace her as a lost lamb, validate her pain, and stand by her, assuming she finds some humility (which may not immediately come).

WAT

WAT,
I see. Is there somewhere on this site that has details about how to handle that? Right now, I am not sure I even want that to happen though. Just being honest.

Much of SAA is devoted to the "after the affair" stuff and ultimate recovery - the "Surviving" part. Indecision is understandable - but a terrific marriage CAN be achieved, assuming any deep issues she has can be dealt with.

WAT

WAT,
I wonder if this is something I should bone up on now, or just wait and see what happens first? What do you think?

WAT,
took a check by to my atty today. He wanted to visit and tell me about running into WW's atty this morning at the courthouse. They want to settle as quickly as possible and want a guarantee that we wont expose at workplace. WW's atty said she was scared to death of losing her job. My atty told him that we would like to settle as quickly as possible as well, but that we could not make any guarantees about workplace exposure as the process advances. Another interesting element to their convo was that my atty informed WW's atty that we are aware of the fact that he represented OM in 2000 divorce. My atty said it was the classic deer in the headlights look and he asked "how did you know that?" My atty told him "we just know." Then my atty asked him who was paying his retainer and the response was a very nervous laugh, telling my attorney that OM paid for atty. My atty also then told him that he wants a deposition from OM. WW's atty begged him not to and I mean literally begged him. My atty also told him that WW should not be as concerned about what we might do as far as workplace exposure as she should be about all the evidence floating around that we have acquired. He told him that we dont have a double barreled shotgun, but we have a double barreled cannon and we will use it if necessary. My atty and I then prepared a proposal for settlement that basically leaves her with nothing but a few things that would enable her to go into an apartment, although I doubt that would be where she would go. I dont think she will be able to afford one.
My atty also said that after the D is final, he will send a letter to OM's attorney notifying him of our intent to file a suit based on intentional infliction of emotional distress, interference with a marital relationship, and conspiring to prevent a just and fair division of community property. We will give him the opportunity to settle the suit out of court and then see what happens.