DDay was 12/10/04. I found my wife in bed with my pastor. I was totally devasted. I moved out of the house for a week. During that time they kept on telling me that it was wrong and that they would not see each other or talk to each other. At the same time she tells me all the typical stuff like she really never loved me and that we should have never been married. When I came back home a week later my wife tells me that she is willing to go to counseling. On about Feb 15th I find out they have been planning there future together and to be together.

On two occations the pastor met with my wifes parents and I guess during those two meetings he realized what he was doing was wrong but instead of telling my wife this he was leading her on for fear that she would tell the church, his parents and siblings. Well my wife finnally figured this out and we both confronted him and told him he needed to tell his family and the church what he did. Well he did tell the church and his family around the end of Feb. They asked him to resign and also told him not to even come to church as a member there. The church did not tell the rest of the church what he did cause I did not want the church to know it involved my wife. The only ones that know everything are her parents, his family, the head pastor, and the elders of the church.

My wife has told me that she has come to the realization that the pastor used her and abused his position. She says that she hates what she did to her but does not hate him (which I don't understand). Well after the affair has been recently exposed, she has been acting nicer to me but she still hasn't committed to rebuilding the marraige. She says that she is unsure about whether or not she want a divorce.

Even after all that has developed that they still plan on being together even though both have said that it can never happen. Am I just being paranoid? And is the way she is acting normal for a person who says she has no contact with the OM?

^

Even after all that has developed that they still plan on being together even though both have said that it can never happen. Am I just being paranoid?

I don't understand this sentiment...
are you saying that they are still planning on being together and are still in contact..
or are you saying this is what scares you....

Is the OM married..

does he have children
do you have children...

her blaming you and the love you but not in love with you speach is all the same..

it's the human nature to deny and justify that we are accountable for causing such great pain in people we do love...

that it is easier to make others the enemy than to face the enemy that we have become.....

ARK

Runner


Oh I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I can't imagine what you are going through. My prayers go out to you. The fog will be there a while. My wife still fills a attachment to my XBF that is in our church. I don't have any real answers for you as I'm going through this struggle of getting her to see clearly also. All I feel I can do for you and your family is pray and I will do that.

RHM

Even after all that has developed that they still plan on being together even though both have said that it can never happen. Am I just being paranoid?

I don't understand this sentiment...
are you saying that they are still planning on being together and are still in contact..
or are you saying this is what scares you....

What I meant to say is that I still have this feeling that even though the A has been exposed, they both say that they will never be together and they have not had any contact since late Feb. I just feel like they still are planing to be together and this is just one of their schemes. But all logic points to that they can never be together. Am I just being paranoid?

Hi Runner,

So sorry to here what you're going through.

I don't think you're being paranoid.
Because although it's not logical for them to think they have a future, it's still too recent to expect them to behave logically. It's quite early and your wife still sounds very foggy.

Has she at least agreed to no contact with him?

Probably won't agree to counselgin and accountability until she's ready to commit to working on marriage and give up notion of divorce.

I guess all you can do now is a very good Plan A.

It's good exposure happened right away and there were some consequences enforced for the OM at least.

If she does stay in contact with him you should consider exposing to the rest of the church.