My H and I have been married 16.5 years together for almost 19yrs. We have a dgt 10 and son 12. For the last 3 years we have been drifting apart, I thought it was a phase where career and children were on the front burner and our relationship on the back burner. I had tried so many times to address the issue the response was always the same, "I'm just tired from the demands of work". Last June my H turned 40 and made the announcement "I'm not happy with our life, things aren't the way I thought they would be.I can't see growing old with you." Thats when panic hit me. It never occured to me that we wouldn't be together. So I took a hard look at our life and made positive changes, not just for him but for myself and my family. He resisted and resented everything I did. I questioned him about a "friendship" he had with a mutual friend. She is married with 2 daughters. It was the little things that drove me crazy, a tone in his laugh when he spoke to her, eagerness to come to her aid in any situation, the way she looked at him. I confronted them both. They denied, of course. I talked to other friends in our same circle they all came to thier defense. So I did Plan A and it was very difficult because she always seemed to be around. We tried MC for a while and I brought the issue up there. He got angry because he said I was using her as an excuse for our problems. I cried everyday (mostly alone),I had panic attacks, I thought I was losing my mind. Every instinct, every fiber of my being told me they were having an affair. After months of documenting coincidences, anything that raised a red flag to establish a pattern, I hired a PI to confirm and get concrete proof. I got it. I had a consultation with a lawyer to make sure I knew what I needed to protect myself financially and protect my interests. I confronted my H he continued to deny, deny, deny. He said he would move out because the marriage was over. 2 days ago I passed her house around lunch time, his car was there. I pulled in behind him, and confronted them both. This time, he admitted he had been lying. He said it was someone at work and she was trying to help him get out of it, she was the only one he could confide in. This time I knew I had concrete evidence to prove adultry and to name her as adultress. I didn't back down. I told her to stay away from me and my children and that the game is over. I have to admit I enjoyed seeing all the color run out of her face. They were shocked that I had a lawyer. I am commonicating through email right now with my husband, and I told him need to set up a time frame for when he would be moving out and the particulars of the separation. I am full of conflicting emotions. I love this man. He was a wonderful husband for a very long time and I don't want our marriage to end. I feel if I don't stand up for myself he will not respect me and I won't respect myself. I'm angry for the months (or years) of lies and pain. I'm sad for the loss of our marriage. Mostly right now I feel relieved that its out in the open and I'm not losing my mind. I see no other choice right now then to have him leave, and see that the grass is not greener anywhere else. He needs to earn his way back home, if thats what he wants. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Is this the best course of action?
