My WH and I have begun talking and I find somethings -well - everything very interesting. His one statement last night surpirsed me. I asked him -don't you remember how you treated me over these last couple of years ? He said like I am now. I said no H you were awful and down right mean. He looked surprised and said he was so sorry. I said there is no need to bring up all the painful things you said -however just know it was the worst experience for me. I know I stayed because of my love for you. He is reading the book and we discussed things in the book last night. He wants to do the EN list with me. We talked about some of those needs last night. I take this as a good sign. I think I am getting the H back adn we can have a stronger M than before with work and lots of love. It shows me he wants me not the OW. I believe he now sees that she was deceitful as well -where before she could do no wrong. When I brought up the fact that the need for conversation was fulfilled by her and not with us. I stated this brought real trouble to our R. So it was obvious she was having R problems as well. You both gave each other that, That is were things started going bad. That can never happen again. We can learn alot form these books. He said the books are really great and is happy I got them. What do you think. I thought that maybe he would have remembered some of his negative statements and he said he remembers nothing. Does the Fog really have this effect. Let me kno what you have experienced. Oh I should state that I was not the one who brought this conversation up he did. Without any prompting on my part. I just keep being miss wonderful.

Realtor,

I think this is normal. My H now denies having ever said alot of the things he said before d-day. He also denies some of the things he did.

I guess it is too painful for him to admit. So he chose to "forget" them.

You are VERY lucky you got an apology. That`s a good sign. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

When you are in "the fog", it distorts your understanding of what you said. E.g., saying "I don't love you, I never loved you, I only married you because my dog Flipper got hit by a car" is extremely hurtful. But, during the fog, WS is letting everything he has ever thought spill out.

So, he probably doesn't remember saying things that were hurtful, because, from his perspective, they weren't.

And, to be fair, women remember conversations much better than men. Women apparently can track five or six conversations at one time. My W and Ds have to "slow down" whenever I get in on the conversation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jimmy Mac:
<strong>
And, to be fair, women remember conversations much better than men. Women apparently can track five or six conversations at one time. My W and Ds have to "slow down" whenever I get in on the conversation. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is true too. My H sometimes can`t remember things he said five minutes ago. He can`t remember thing I said five minutes ago.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He`s been known to ask the SAME question (and get an answer) three times in the span of 15 minutes. This drives me bonkers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Mac,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Women remember conversations much better than men.Women can apparently track five or six conversations at one time.My wife and Ds have to "slow down" whenever I get in the conversation. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's so true(in my experiences)...what's not funny is when my WH used to try and tell me that I did or said something that I KNOW I didn't to bolster his case. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I don't have a selective memory like he does.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 08:15 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I'm not sure about statements but I was floored that my ws could not remember that we spent a week at our cottage 2 months after D-day and this past xmas he admitted in front of some family during a xmas visit that he could not remember not buying me a xmas present or card the year before. I find it very hurtful and all that he can say is that his brain must have been somewhere else. Obviously, we know where that was (deep in the fog). All the energy I was expending meeting all his needs and he doesn't even remember!!

Read this VERY hopeful post

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=037463

About 6 months into recovery I was asking FWH if he really meant some of the things he said. He got very angry and admitted, it was hard to hear these things, he feels so ashamed. He started crying, not common for him, he usually hides his emotions. It was a moment I knew I needed...remorse...and I knew I had to be gentler after this...I was looking for justice...to make him pay...to dish it back to him. And what I realized was he may feel worse about this than I do...