I am venting here and also needing a little advice. It is spring break and I have been asking if I could have the boys during this time.
Empty has said over the last 2 months that he does not see a problem with it. We will have to see. Now that I have asked a hundred and one times the time is here and he has decided that we did not discuss and the answer is no.
I asked him when we were suppose to discuss it.
I have been trying to talk to him about it for a couple of months now and he never gives me a answer or he is always unable to talk to me.
My boys again asked if I would come and get them for spring break. I don't know what to tell them.
They think I don't want them. The younger of the 2 called me last weekend and asked if I would get a lawyer and come and get him.
I had to calm him down and told him that I loved him. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that Empty's girlfriend was there and he hated it.
He just wanted to go away. I asked him to put his dad on the phone. He replied that his girlfriend is here and he is not going to talk to me when she is around. I don't know what to say.
I asked H if he would please stop what he was doing, that I no longer cared to fight and that I was tired of the boys being in the middle.
He basicaly told me that I sacraficed my 3 boys for my 2 boys that he had. The conversation stopped and I don't care to talk to him again.
My 2 boys that he has think I don't want to see them because H won't give me access.
Until I get a lawyer I don't know what to do.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: lucidity ]</small>

Hi Lucidity,

I just got done reading all your past posts.It's quite a sad story.It's seems too that you post a question and then many times disappear or edit out your post entirely.

Anyway,I can understand your need to see your sons and their need to see you.You obviously have communication problems but unfortunately,the kids are bearing the brunt of it all.

Can you fill me/us in with an update? Are you already D'd or going through it now? Do you have custody or does your H? Could you not have split the vacation time with your H.That is what I would have done.It sounds like maybe your H was being spiteful and although I could understand his anger,this is not acceptable when it comes to children and visitation.Your children need to see both of you as much as they can.Also if your H is living with some woman and he is still married,that isn't right at all either.Geeze.

Maybe I would know what to say more accurately if I knew what the situation was with you both.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lucidity:
<strong> The younger of the 2 called me last weekend and asked if I would get a lawyer and come and get him.

Until I get a lawyer I don't know what to do. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is pretty much nothing you can do until you "get a lawyer". What are you waiting for?

At this point we cannot afford an attorney.
I have asked H aka Empty-H2y-One eyed King and now Haka if we could try mediation. The problem with that is there is still never a clear answer. We will see is all I ever get.

I know 3 things. He cannot move on with Lori without getting a divorce. He wants money to help take care of the boys (no problem on this end) I just want to be allowed to see my children.
He is angry as H***.

I have chosen to let go.
To start getting my life back on track.
I love my children but cannot fight with their father.
I want them to have a normal life.
H thinks he is the only one who can give them that.
I love them and hope that one day they will know that.
I hope they will see their Father for who he really is.

“””At this point we cannot afford an attorney.”””

Who is we? If “we” is you, then I’m sure that your state probably has a “Legal Services” agency that provides services at a reduced rate. In Kansas it’s called “Kansas Legal Services” and they also offered mediation services. However in your case I’d probably be more inclined to hire them as my attorney, because using there services for mediation could constitute a “conflict of interest” that would exclude you from using there discounted legal services.

”””I have asked H aka Empty-H2y-One eyed King and now Haka if we could try mediation. The problem with that is there is still never a clear answer. We will see is all I ever get.”””

Then why not take the initiative and take the next step.

”””He wants money to help take care of the boys (no problem on this end) I just want to be allowed to see my children.”””

OK. Help me/us understand. If money is no problem and all you want to do is see your children, then why not use money to get an attorney so you can see your children?

”””I have chosen to let go.”””

To let go of what? Seeing your kids..

”””I love my children but cannot fight with their father.”””

So get court orders that spell things out and you won’t have to fight with him.

”””I love them and hope that one day they will know that.
I hope they will see their Father for who he really is.”””

Then fight for them. Fight for consistency and normalcy in their lives.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He basicaly told me that I sacraficed my 3 boys for my 2 boys that he had. The conversation stopped and I don't care to talk to him again.
My 2 boys that he has think I don't want to see them because H won't give me access.
Until I get a lawyer I don't know what to do.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This sounds like a no brainer. You can't afford NOT to get an attorney. How long are you going to let your children be held hostage from you?

lucidity,

It might be helpful if you posted some info about your situation in your signature line in your profile.

Your story is confusing in that you do not seem to follow through with the threads you start. You have been leaving posters hanging with not enough info.

I did manage to find this in a search:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So... just the facts.
Lucidity left home, lived with OM, had an OC.

Her H used to post on here, but gave up, found his own OW.

Sad, sad story.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Regardless of your situation, if you are a fit mother + want to see your children + you can provide a safe place to care for them + they want to see you, you need to get yourself an attorney.

You are allowing your H to dictate to you whether or not you can see your kids. He has gone so far as to suggest that you pay him child support. Meanwhile, you and "Empty" are still married??? and he has a girlfriend who dictates to him how and when he can communicate with you.

You're in a mess all right. Like I posted above...get yourself an attorney. You cannot afford not to have one.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Lucidity,

You listen to Ba and the others and get yourself an atty. Get financial help anyway you can and fight for those boys to be able to have a good, stable relationship with their mother.

You owe them this, and you owe yourself this. Kids need their moms AND their dads working together for their good.

I am so sick of this type of crap going on, I can barely stand it anymore.

I avoided court for 10 years and gave my DD's dad everything he wanted. Now he wants his new wife to be my DD's mom, and me out of the picture.

Sorry if this sounds more like my own vent than helpful to you, but I am going to court Fri morning and I am very fearful of courts, but he will have to put me in the ground before he takes my role as mother away from me.

If I can stand up and fight, so can you. Because believe me I am a big wimp when it comes to atty's and courtrooms.

Good luck Lucidity!

You around today?

What do you think of the advice offered? Agree? Disagree?

How are you today? Made any decisions?

We're here for ya.

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: lucidity ]</small>

((((Lucidity))))

“””I paid to get the legal documents and I have them.”””

What legal documents do you have?

”””I think the solution was to quit giving me phone access now.”””

Are you saying that now you are being denied phone access?

”””This is why I am in no hurry about the D and why i feel I need to take things slowly.”””

Why? It seems like there are always more questions than answers. It sounds like your children want and need you consistently in their lives, yet, you are going slowly. I’m having a hard time understanding why. You have the opportunity and IMHO obligation to provide a certain level of stability and consistency in their lives despite what your husband does. It sounds like the only way to get that is by going through the court system. And in the mean time, it’s the children who suffer.

There is another way of life. Within you is the ability to break free from this self-imposed sentence of misery and pain. Let someone help you find that. In my reading, I found basically the exact same questions 1.5 years ago, you are stuck. You and only you can get yourself unstuck but it doesn’t have to be a journey experienced alone.

I have no idea what your current friendships or relationships are like but if these boards are any indicator then it appears you have trouble letting people in. What are you afraid of? Yes, you’ve done bad things but most anyone who draws a breath has done bad things, just some of us to a higher degree. Let someone in. Find someone (not a romantic partner) and let them know you, the real you, all of you. You’d be surprised what a difference it makes. Not only because it helps you to get all your crap out to someone but they can also call “BullS(*&” when your going in a wrong direction.

Until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired of this issue it is going to be what it is. You have to seek, find, and grasp what control you have in the matter and use it. You can do this.