need advice - in less than a month my WH and i and the kids and his entire family are supposed to go on a vacation together. It was a gift from his father.

My WH left the house 2/3/05 after telling me that he has been seeing another woman for a year and a half. He told me 2/28/04 he wan't happy anymore and wanted out. It would appear to be a big EA with "only 2 sleeping together" instances. HE knew her in college. The four weeks he had been out of the house I have been trying to do the best PLAN A i know how, but it is difficult. I shared with him all the plans for our youngest's birthday parties so he would feel welcome to attend, let him see the kids when ever he wants, etc. I have asked him when we will talk and he always says later, i need to think. He said he had to leave to "figure things out". He says he is having no contact with OW. She lives in another state.

My question is I have learned that he does not want me to go on this vacation with the family and that he will be telling me this sometime soon. What is the best "PLAN A" way to react to this? I want to go so we can be together as a family and also beacuse i am concerned for the safety of our kids 6/12/17/ with the ocean etc, No one else has children in the family and know that my WH will be spending some time with his dad fishing,etc. DO I demand to go? Say that this sends a strong signal to the kids if I dont go. Do I make him tell the kids that he is not letting me go? I don't want the kids to think that I don't want to be with them.
Any help would be appreciated!!

Absolutely you should go. If anyone should stay behind it is him.

Also, please don't believe him when he says he isn't seeing her. He is, I know this hurts to hear but I am 99% positive that this is what is happening.

What have you done to end the A? Have you exposed to anyone?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jade05:
<strong>It would appear to be a big EA with "only 2 sleeping together" instances.

He says he is having no contact with OW.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Baloney. Sorry, but don't believe this for an instant.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jade05:
<strong>My question is I have learned that he does not want me to go on this vacation with the family and that he will be telling me this sometime soon. What is the best "PLAN A" way to react to this?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You: Let's talk about the vacation plans!! I'm excited for the whole family!!

Him: I don't want you to go.

You: I understand your concern. But I'm going.

Then let him stew and argue while you simply and calmly reply: "I understand your concern. I'm going."

Have you revealed this mess to his family? If not, do so immediately.

His family, my family, our minister and two close friends know about the affair. I really don't believe he has seen her as she is out of state and he has been around often due to kids' activities. That doens't mean he isn't talking to her.

why is this so hard? he is suffering on many levels - his career - he lost his business two years ago and is involved in a startup that doens't seem to be going anywhere, he has a very demanding and self centered father . . .and he thinks all his unhappiness is due to me! paretnerrer

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and he thinks all his unhappiness is due to me! paretnerrer
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is why Plan A is so important. No LB's are key to it working. You need to make sure you give him no reasons to blame you for his unhappiness. Eventually, he will see that he only has himself to blame and then true healing can begin.

does that mean if he says "don't go on the vacation" i just don't go to avoid any LB's?

Nope, it means you don't yell and scream when you tell him that you will be going on the family vacation. Plan A is not about being a doormat and doing what ever the WS wants. It is about being respectful of the other person. Don't get into an argument about this, simply state you are going. Don't let him bait you into a fight, tell him you understand what he is saying but you are going with your children on a family vacation.

Have you figured out what needs of his were not being fulfilled in your marriage?

Jade -

I hope you are still around. This guy has got you buffaloed. I think we can assume that the reason he doesn't want his wife and children's mother on the gift "family vacation" is because it will make OW FURIOUS.

I would start packing now, planning and getting excited about it. Be sweet, loving, and excited about the family vacation. If your husband has the nerve to ask you not to come (which as these things go, he probably will), act completely shocked. Tell him you and the children have been looking forward to it, and there is no way that you can decline the gift.

Also have you exposed the affair to his family and the OW's husband? Just checking - it sounds like you haven't.

Jade - How are you doing? Have you decided what you are going to do?